Symphony Of Sympathy

It was 11:57 when my mum decided to wake me up. "Dear, go downstairs. Your friends are eating everything in sight, and all I want to do is sleep."

I could hear the guys laughing and cursing downstairs. "Why do you let them in no matter where I am?" I sighed.

She just laughed, and disappeared into the hallway. Pulling on an old gray v-neck and black shorts, I trudged downstairs, discovering a month's worth of food being consumed by 6 boys. None of them were Conner. Not his crowd. Not at all.

"Oi! It's Shi! "Curtis exclaimed, jumping over the couch to hug me.

I hugged back, than pulled a face. "It's my house... Who else would you be expecting?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Just felt like pointing out the obvious."

Lee sent a glare in my direction. Oli was fighting over a bag of popcorn with Matt K. Lee was the only one who knew, besides Oliver of course.

They are bound to find out. Oliveris not the best at keeping secrets.

You don’t need to point out what I already know, I hissed at Sierra.

Tom and Matt N. were sitting on the floor; playing some violent video game I couldn’t remember the name of.

Lee stood, walking over to me. "Shi, can we talk really quickly?"

No one noticed. Oli, Curtis, and Matt were busy throwing popcorn at Matt and Tom, seeing who would get distracted first.

I followed Lee outside, grabbing a hoodie on the way. Cold air stung my legs as I pulled the hoodie tightly around my torso. "What's up?" I questioned innocently.

"Why are yeh doing this?" he asked sternly, the cold air having no effect on him.

"Doing what?" I said, playing dumb.

"Damn it, Shiloh. Oli might be meh friend, but I know he is not a loyal guy. And yeh have a boyfriend. Why are yeh cheating on him with Oli?"

I like this one. He actually is trying to stop you. Because you clearly aren’t listening to-

"Lee, you don’t understand..." I sighed.

"Then make meh understand. I don’t want to see yeh get hurt, Shi, and when yeh mess around with Oli, it's bound to happen," he stated, crossing his arms firmly across his chest.

"I want to fucking love Conner, okay?! But every single night pretty much Oliver stumbles in, drunk and horny, and I don’t have the spine to say no!" I snapped. "I try, every night to stop, I try to quit. But I just fucking can't! And you will never be able to understand what it's like!"

"If yeh can't quit Oli, are you sure yeh can really love Conner?" Lee was being such a big brother. As if having my dead sister as a therapist wasn’t bad enough.

Why do you never listen to logic? Lee is right! If you can't quitOliver, then how do you know you love Conner? You can be such a who-

"I don’t fucking know! All right, Lee? I. Don’t. Know. And do you have any idea how much this is tearing me apart? I want to love Conner. I want to love him so fucking much. But I will never be able to quit Oli. Are you happy? There I admit it! I'll never be able to stop!" I shouted, storming back inside my house. Tears burned my eyes, fighting to get out.

But I didn’t deserve to cry. I didn’t deserve Conner, I didn’t deserve to be happy, I didn’t deserve to have friends like Lee.

Then just stop screwing around with Oliver!

Sierra refused to call him Oli. It was always Oliver. But the name wasn’t his. He was Oli, always stupid and playful. Oliver was too serious for him.

Clearly, Tom had lost the game, for he was sitting away from the rest of them, fiddling around with his camera. He looked up at me and smiled, but it disappeared when he saw how upset I was. "Shiloh, what's wrong?"

Not even he knew what was going on between me and his brother. But he didn’t need to know, did he?

They should all know that you are a whore.

"Tom, I can't tell you now. I've just... I've done some things I regret," I said, hurt by Sierra's words. Someone who wasn’t even alive, a voice that only spoke in my head, had hurt my feelings.

Oli glanced back at me, hurt flashed through his eyes, but only briefly before he turned away. Tom didn’t seem to notice, for he just shrugged and went back to playing with his camera.

"So, Shiloh, yeh plan on coming to our gig tonight?" Matt N. asked from the ground, beating whoever had the other control's ass. "You can bring Conner," he grinned, saying his voice in a singsong tone.

All the boys started making kissing noises, laughing as I blushed heavily. I swear, sometimes they act like four year olds.

"No, I don’t think I can come," I lied. As much as I would love to see Bring Me The Horizon, I was scared it would give me more reason to want Oli.

Matt K. sighed. "Yeh never come to see us perform. I thought yeh liked us!" he pouted. But his pout was nothing like Oli's. It wasn’t always there, it wasn’t quite as cute, it didn’t make me want to...

Sierra mentally slapped me. Bad thoughts, bad thoughts!She screeched at me.

"Aw, Matt, you know I love you guys. Just, my mom has been super stressed lately, and I really need to help her out with some stuff."

Curtis sighed. "Fine, Shiloh. We'll let yeh skip the show tonight.... but just this once." He'd said that to me over and over, and it was never just once. I skipped every show, making up a new excuse every time.

There were times I regretted not going to a university, and taking a break for the first year. It meant I was free all the time, and excuses were becoming harder and harder to think of.

Lee finally reappeared in the doorway, his cheeks red from the cold air.

"Yeh wanker! Yeh disappeared before your turn!" Oli shouted at Lee.

For disorganized boys, they did usually take turns when it came to video games. Just... you miss your turn, and you are absolutely screwed.

"Whatever, mate," Lee shrugged. His eyes showed disappointment, and something else. But it was directed at me.

I made a face. He did something, but I didn’t even bother asking, knowing he would refuse to tell me.

"C'mon, Shi. I'll give yeh one last offer for tonight's gig," Curtis offered with a smiled, looking back at me.

I just shook my head. It was bad enough I had to deal with Oli daily, trying hard not to fall for him. I didn’t want another reason to possibly fall for him.

I love Conner. I had to.

But Shiloh.... You don’t.