Symphony Of Sympathy

Sierra's voice echoed through my head for the rest of the day, long after the guys had left. She was right. I didn’t love Conner. But I had to try.

Maybe if you stopped, for just one second, to realize what you have, rather than throw that all away from that filthyOliver, maybe then you would love Conner!

"Just stop!" I whispered harshly, as though speaking the words aloud would be more powerful then saying them in my head.

"Honey?" My mother whispered, popping her head in my room. "Hun, who are you talking to?"

"Oh, hi mum," I smiled weakly at her. I pulled the blankets tighter around me, hoping they would repel Sierra as well as the cold. "I'm just talking to myself. Nothing new, you know," I joked lightly.

"Shiloh, we need to talk," she stated weakly. It was her motherly I-don’t-know-how-much-longer-I-can-handle-this voice.

"Mum, what's wrong?"

"Shi... I can't let you keep doing this. I know about you and Oliver," she sighed, gazing at me with weak eyes. "You can't do this to Conner."

Mum always knew best.

"Mum, I-" Tears threatened to fall as I realized how disappointed she was.

"Honey, he loves you. You need to choose. Oliver or Conner." Her face was stern, her face level with determination.

"You sound just like Sierra," I whimpered, comparing their voices in my head.

"W-what?"

I realized what I had said, mentally slapping myself. "I mean, back when she was alive... whenever I did something wrong, she'd use that voice on me." I corrected myself, even though it was bullshit.

"I still miss her, so much," my mother stated softly, her eyes glazed over.

"I do too, mum," I sighed. But it was more bullshit. False hope for my mother. I didn’t miss Sierra. Not anymore, at any rate. A figment of my own imagination was replacing my memories of my sister, and I was starting to hate her.

We sat there, silently thinking about Sierra. I knew she was. But her thoughts were positive, I'm sure. Sierra never did anything wrong- she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Shi.... about Oli... He's a nice boy, I do like him, but you can't do this to Conner. You have to understand that," she soothed, rubbing my arm lightly.

"I don’t want to do this anymore, mum. But... I can't stop," my mother studied me as I spoke, as if she was looking for something.

She sighed. "Do what's right, Shiloh. Don’t abandon Conner, not like this..."

Her advice was about 99.9% unhelpful, but I thanked her anyway.

"Now, c'mon, Shi! Don’t you have a concert to go to?" My mum smiled, obviously trying to lighten my mood.

"What?" I exclaimed. There was no concert- I told the guys no.

"I was talking to your friends- Lee and Curtis. They mentioned the concert, and how sad they were that you couldn’t go. When I asked why, and they said you were going to help around the house- that's ridiculous! You are going to that concert, Shiloh. I am making you."

So many mothers would yell at their children for wanting to go to the concert. I get yelled at for not wanting to go.

"Oh, uh, okay.. I guess, I mean, yeah, sure.. I'll go..." my words stumbled out. I couldn’t just say no to my mum- not without her questioning me.

This is karma, Shi. And you have a lot more coming for you.

Sierra's voice startled me. She disappeared during my conversation with mum- as if she was afraid of what mum would think of her haunting me.

Mentally, I slapped myself. She is a fucking piece of your imagination- no one else can see her! I reminded myself.

But it was hopeless- nothing I said would make her stop. And everything anyone else said would fuel her more.

"Well, I guess I should let you get ready," my mother smiled, patting my leg before standing up and walking to the door. "And Shi... do what you feel is right."

"O-okay, mum..." I whispered, but I knew she didn’t hear me. "I just wish I knew what is right..."

You know exactly what is right. Get overOliver, and pretend to love Conner. It's the least he deserves.

Ignoring the nagging voice in my head, I pulled on a lime green v-neck and black skinny jeans. Something to blend into a crowd. I wasn’t about to let them see me.

My cell phone buzzed. Conner's name flashed onto the screen. "Hello?" I answered, pressing my phone into my ear.

"Uh, hi, Shi," Conner stuttered, making me smile.

"Hey, Con. What's up?"

"Do yeh... do yeh want to um, 'ang out tonight?" I could picture the nervous look on Conner's face, and my heart sank.

"You know I'd love to. But I honestly can't," I sighed, tucking my phone between my shoulder and my ear, trying to apply my eyeliner.

"Oh. O-okay..."

I sighed. "Conner, I really do want to hang out, but I can't. My mum is going to kill me if I don’t do this thing with her tonight." I hated lying. My stomach twisted into knots, even with the simplest lie.

"Yeah... okay, um. I 'ave to go..." his voice was even weaker than when he first called.

"I do love you, Conner," I whispered, the knots in my stomach pulling tighter.

"I.... I love yeh too, Shiloh," he sighed, and the line went dead.

I told you, you have a whole lot of karma coming your way.

I shook my head. Sierra was not real! Everything she says is a lie.

Or I'm just the only way to hear your subconscious.

I didn’t have time to argue even more with her. I needed to get going.

"Bye mum," I called, heading out the door. The bar they were playing at was nearby, but I hopped in my car anyway, pulling out my driveway and down the street.

Sierra's voice remained in the back of my mind, nagging non-stop.

You are only here for your friends. You didn’t blow Conner off. These were legit plans... Mum is making you...

Sierra never rambled. Ever. Except when something bad was going to happen.

And from the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, I knew something was going to go wrong.