You only have this one-shot

Auda got into her Lamborghini. She had blonde hair. Her eyes were normally hard, but they were very soft today. Her hair fell in curls over her shoulders. Her sidebangs were straightened. She was tan. She had a blank look in her eyes. She was emotionless, it was like the world around her wasn’t really there. Then the tears started to fall.

Johan’s POV::

We turned towards the phone as it rang. I jumped over the back of the couch and ran to the phone.

“Johan?” asked a man. It was Auda’s brother.
“Hey what’s up?” I asked.
“Can you do me a favor?” he asked. Something was wrong.
“Sure.”
“Go to the hospital. Auda was in a car accident. I can’t come for another week but could you please go be with her?”
“Of course.” I said.
“Thanks.” he said and hung up. I told Val where I was going and what had happened. Then I left.

I got to the hospital and then to her room. I walked in and saw her laying there. Her hair was perfect. It was like a scene in those shows. She had no emotion on her face. Her eyes were shut. She was cold. Her normally tan skin had lines and dots of red, blood and scrapes. Her eyebrow line had stitches. She had a bruised jaw. Her eye was a little pinkish. Her wrist was in a cast. I took her hand into mine. I pressed her hand to my soft lips. She was probably surrounded by darkness inside her head and I was in the light. Thoughts were speeding behind my eyes.

What if she didn’t wake up? I’d never love another. Could I live with myself? No. Could I ever move on? No. I’ve had my wake up, won’t you wake up? She just lays motionless.

I felt a hot tear run down my face and land on her hand. The tear spreads out and runs down her thumb. The beeping of the machines was driving me mad and if those weren’t keeping her alive, they would have been ripped out of the wall by now.

The room was fairly big. One bed, one small couch, one chair, one TV and a whole lot of grief. The walls were white and the floor was red. There were two posters on the walls. One was an inspirational poem and the other was a picture of our team with the Stanley Cup. The poster had four pictures on it. Me with the Stanley Cup, Hank with the Cup, Val with the cup and Ozzy with the Cup. In the middle it had the date.

I wondered if life had a timer would anyone really be ready to lose the one they loved. The answer was no. They would fight for anyway possible to stop the time and rewind some time. Her belongings were on the red table beside her bed.

Her iPhone, totally broken.
Her purse, Coach is destructible.
Her sunglasses, not worth keeping.
Her keys, bent.
Her shoes, so small and scratched.
Her clothes, stained with blood and dirt.

One thing that wasn’t at the crash scene.

Me.

If I wouldn’t have let her leave she would still be with me. We got into a small fight and she left, upset. We would probably be watching a hockey game or a movie. She would be in my arms, leaning into me. I would kiss her hair and tell her how much I love her. She would laugh and blush and tell me that she loved me more. We would argue until Val threw a pillow at us, supporting a sheepish smile. Of course he was kidding. He didn’t mind us. He said we acted like we were married.

Flashback;;

“I love you.” she said kissing my cheek.
“Mmmmh.” I said.
“You don’t love me, do you?”
“What makes you say that?”
“You never tell me.” she said.
“Those three words are special. I’m just waiting until I know for sure.”
“Well I’ll be waiting at home. Bye.” she said with tears running down her face.
“Auda….”
“No, I get your point. We’ve been together for almost 7 years and you’ve never said it once. I don’t know why I expected it.”

And with that she left.

It’s not that I don’t love her, it‘s just that I‘ve been hurt and I don‘t want that to happen. I should know after seven years that she wouldn‘t hurt me. She means so much to me, why couldn‘t I just say it? By now my tears were plentiful as I walked back over to her. I looked at her face and noticed it…..a single tears sliding out of her closed eye. It slid down the corner of her eye and down the side of her face. I wiped it away, looking at the wetness of my finger. It dried instantly. It was as if we were crying together. I wonder if she was thinking at all. If she was, what about. Was she thinking about the fight, was she remembering the crash, was she thinking about not waking up, was she trying to wake up but something wouldn’t let her, was she trying to fight a darkness that was eating her up? All I could do was cry harder. I heard a knock on the big, wooden door and turned around. Henrik Zetterberg was standing there. His normal smile was replaced with locked lips in a straight line.

“I heard from Val. He said I should come.” he said.
“Thanks.” I said. My voice cracked and sounded foreign. His fiancé came with him. She walked over and hugged me. She just held me in her arms. She swiftly moved me over to the couch and rocked me back and forth while I cried. Henrik was over by her bed, holding her hand. He rested his head on her leg. Emma just sat with me. Her hand was on mine.

I had calmed down and stopped crying. I looked over to Hank. He had tears running down his face. His fiancé held his hand and hugged him. They sat on the couch and held each other, crying. Emma and Auda were very close. Henrik and Auda were very close. Henrik and I are very close. We are like our own little family.

I stared down at Auda. I rested my head against her shoulder. Her hand was under mine. I kissed her ear.

“I love you.” I whispered and pulled back. Another tear slid down her cheek. I felt her finger move. I looked at her but she didn’t move. I put my head to her heart.

Thu-thump.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump.

That was like music to my ears. My phone started to ring. It was my mom.

“Hello?” I said.
“I heard about Auda.” she said softly.
“Mom, she’s lifeless.”
“Johan she loves you. Don’t forget that. If you don’t give up she won’t either.”
“Is it possible to cry when you’re unconscious?” I asked her.
“Only if you are pained. Did she cry?”
“A little. I’m going to go. I love you.”
“I love you too.”

I feel like I am all alone. Surrounded by so much sorrow. The doctors go by the room and so do nurses. Do they know what’s it’s like to be watching someone you love losing their battle and you can’t do anything. Do they know what that’s like. I would give up the Cup for her. I would give up hockey to bring her back. I just hope that she isn’t needed somewhere else. This is the girl I want to marry. I want to be the father of her children. I want to be the only hand she ever needs to hold. I want to be the only arms she will run to. I want to be her everything. She’s already my everything. I remember her storming away to get into her car. I thought she’d come home sooner or later. I thought she’d be fine. It was sunny when she left. It was getting dark and I was getting worried. I pushed thoughts of her to the back of my mind. I should have told her not to leave. I should have wrapped my arms around her and told her that I loved her. I love her so much.

Auda is 25. I’m 29. Big difference but it doesn’t matter to us. She has the potential to die before me.

Die.

Loving her is like riding a bike. You never forget how. I know how to cheer her up. I know how to kiss her neck and make her let out the smallest moan. I know where she’s from. I know everything about her and yet this is the one thing I can’t fix.

I fell asleep in the chair and when I woke up she was still laying there. I walked over to her. I kissed her forehead. She still didn’t move. I wondered how long I would be here. I looked to where I was laying. I saw a note and a bag.

Henrik and Emma were still there. I love my friends. I went to get food for everyone. I walked into the room. I guess I had a false hope that she’d be awake. I didn’t know if I should leave because I didn’t want to miss her waking up. We have a game tonight at 7:30 and it’s 10:00 am now. I should go but I don’t want to leave her. I ate and decided to take a nap. I pulled a chair up to her bed. I lay my head by her hand. I fell asleep quickly. I woke up to a nurse.

“You need to move.” she said worried. I moved back and looked. They brought in a crash cart. Her heart monitor was just a line. I watched them shock her. She wasn’t responding. She sat straight up in bed and took a gasp of air after five minutes. Her eyes locked with mine. The tears started spilling over. They doctors finished up and left the room. I walked over to her. She reached her hand up and touched my face. I hadn’t shaved in a few days so it was rough. Her small fingers made my skin tingle. I pulled the chair up that had been pushed away in a rush. I lay my head on her thigh. She began playing with my hair.

“Auda.” I whispered.
“The intersection was clear. My light was green. I pulled out and then I got hit my a tractor trailer. My car rolled so many times and everything just went black.” she said. She started to cry.
“Please don’t cry. It was a drunk driver.”
“Did anyone get hurt?”
“Only you.” I whispered again.
“I’m sorry you had to go through this.” she said.
“I’d go through anything for you.” I said.
“I shouldn’t have gotten mad.”
“I love you. I always have. I didn’t want hurt but after seven years you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I love you.” she said, crying.

They guys visited her throughout the week. She still had chest trauma and a little bit of brain swelling. She called her mom everyday. She was released and of course she wanted to go back to our arena. When we walked in she was with all the girlfriends and wives.

When we left we went home. I told her to stay on the couch. I walked back out and said;

“Auda Eriksson, will you be my wife?” I asked, on one knee with a beautiful ring in my hand. She opened her eyes.
“Oh Johan, of course.” she said.

We kissed for what seemed like forever. I love her with all my heart.

“I love you.” I whispered into her ears.