Morse Code Messages

Life was like humidity. It was so incredibly noticeable that people tried to walk around it, they tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling it gave you. But they couldn’t, no matter how hard they tried, because it was humidity and its arms wrapped around your neck and dragged you under. They tugged at your strings and frazzled your mind, putting you on the brink.

If the humidity didn’t bring you down it would suffocate you instead. That’s what life was like -- the only difference was that life liked to take the route of torture first; life wanted to watch you squirm around and beg for forgiveness.

When you breathe in humidity it feels like hundreds of pins are being pricked into your lungs, sliding past your uvula and going straight to your heart like a poison. It was a slow killing poison, too. It kept up its pace but it progressively got worse as time went on.

That’s exactly what life was like.

I sat in the corner of a vinyl booth at this local diner that was about a mile outside of town, thinking about this. It was a popular hangout for anyone that lived directly outside of town, but none of the gang wasted their time there, which is exactly why I had chosen it as my thinking spot.

When I’d first walked inside I was slapped in the face with the wretched smell of coffee and cigarettes mixing together as one and turning into its own little formulation of humidity. It was almost like life was trying to suffocate me.

I swallowed the need to heave and made my way to a corner booth, placing myself beside the large, dirty window. I felt small amongst the crowded diner, amongst the elders and their chatter. I knew I looked out of place and that made me feel uncomfortable but I pushed the feeling away, wanting nothing more than to spend some time thinking to myself.

When the waitress came I decided to order what had wanted desperately to suffocate me as I walked inside; a black coffee with little sugar and no cream. I didn’t like coffee but I figured it could be used as a good prop or something of the sorts.

I sat in that exact spot for a good hour or two, staring out of the window and finally realizing that my mind was one complex city of paper buildings and written notes from five-year-olds to their Aunt Martha and Uncle Tom.

I was fragile, yes, but I was pathetically immature. I wanted nothing more than to be that ten-year-old that spent their days chewing on the end of grass and getting bitten by mosquitos. I suddenly felt as if Heaven and Hell hadn’t yet decided where I belonged and therefore they were going to taunt me with their presence. I wanted to keep up with my friends but I didn’t want my knuckles bruised black and blue, so I’d held my tongue. I also wanted to be myself and I wanted to please my elders, so I waited for the holding signs of Heaven and Hell to become pellucid before I made up my mind.

I didn’t know what I was waiting for but I knew that it wasn’t ever going to happen.

“Hey!”

I started in my seat, blood immediately rising into my cheeks. Turning my head away from the window, my eyes landed on Davie. I blinked, wondering how I hadn’t seen her walk by the window.

“What are you doing here?” I asked lamely.

Davie smiled at me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m just waitin’ for Sock to get back from the farm.”

Turning my attention away from Davie, I calculated the amount of time it might take for him to get here. The farm was around ten miles from Key West and the diner was about a mile outside of town, so it would only be an eight mile drive -- if he even had a vehicle -- which meant it would take him a while, after having to put everything away.

“Oh,” I murmured, “you’re meeting up with him?”

“Yes,” Davie giggled, shooting me an apprehensive glance. She looked out of place in such a bland environment. A stark painting of red lipstick offset her golden hair and the red rim around her eyes made their green pop. “We’re going on a date, silly.”

I gave Davie a blank stare, feeling the humidity creep back up on me. I felt as if I was passing through unconscious states, almost like when a car goes speeding down the highway and the driver is going so fast that when you pass by a tree it gives you a migraine.

“So,” Davie leaned forward, watching as a set of new patrons entered. A mischievous smirk flittered across her face as her eyes scanned my face. I knew whatever it was she was about to say was going to be apart of a new game. I had seen Davie play this game with many people but she had never played it with me. I had never done anything to make her jealous or frustrated, so I’d never expected her to direct such a devious game my way.

The only thing I knew was that I had suddenly done something to disrupt her lifestyle and she was now the cat and I was the mouse.

Davie licked her lips, “I think we’re going to do it.”

A scarlet color crept up my neck as I allowed her words to sink in. I knew that I could not mask my embarrassment but I could mask my jealousy. I had never actually planned to do something so intimate until I was married but now that all of my friends seemed to be doing it, it almost seemed like I should go out there and follow suit.

I avoided eye contact with Davie, mumbling. “What do you mean?”

Davie drummed her freshly painted fingernails against the sticky tabletop, craning her neck upwards. “You know,” she murmured, flashing her eyes back down to my face. “He’s going to stick himself inside of me and let me feel things I’ve never felt in my entire life.”

Flaring my nose, I stared down at the table. I could feel her eyes piercing into my head as I tried to compose myself. I suddenly realized why she had asked Sock whether he liked me or not. Davie knew that I liked him and she didn’t like that. I hadn’t told her I liked him but she knew, Davie always knew.

She was going to turn a blue bruise black.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” I questioned quietly, finally turning my gaze back on her.

“Yes,” Davie deadpanned, “I’m positive I would like to go through copulation with him.”

I watched as Davie struggled to decipher my emotions. She knew she was hurting me, she just didn’t know how she was hurting me. I wasn’t even sure how she was hurting me. All I knew was that I felt like I was riding a carousel. Riding a carousel consisted of a lot more emotion than most people knew even existed. When you swing your leg over that big, plastic horse or rabbit or something, you feel so happy that it hurts. And you’re going up and down and up and down, just like your emotions and after a while the ride stops and you’re down.

They don’t let you stay on the carousel forever, though. You’re down and that’s how they want you to be. You stumble off and head in your own direction, not quite sure where you’re going but you know that wherever it is you’ve visited better places.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I whispered, sniffling as I stared back at Davie.

“Because,” Davie stood, a large smile overtaking her face. I watched as Sock stalked over, standing beside her. His eyes stayed away from me, trailing out across the parking lot of the diner. I followed his gaze, seeing Louie, Fanny and Braille standing around an old truck.

I felt as if I was in a photo booth and the flash of the camera was burning my skin off. I felt as if everyone could see my bones and my organs and my emotions. I felt so incredibly exposed to the entire world, but mostly to my friends and Sock.

Davie glared down at me, walking away with Sock. “You need to be taught a lesson.”