The Same Jersey Girl

I was sitting in the pew listening to the priest talk about how much of a wonderful woman my mother was, he obviously didn’t know her. I looked across the room and saw Joe holding Mrs. Jonas’s hand and Mr. Jonas holding the other, they were soothing her she was very easy to upset and having one of her friends die, that’s an occasion that can easily make her tear up. Nick was sitting there looking straight forward expressionless, Frankie was crying in Mrs. Jonas’s lap, I actually think he was more scared then anything. It was the first time he had ever been to a funeral. It was closed casket. I haven’t cried yet. Not since when I found out and now that I think back, I only cried because I didn’t want to leave the Jonas family, they were my own family. I looked over to my aunt who was crying, I really don’t want to stay with her. I looked back up to the priest, he was starring right at me, I gave a weak smile and looked back down. All my friends, practically my whole grade was behind me, there to comfort me. But I don’t really think I need to be comforted. Isn’t it weird that I’m not upset right now? I mean my mother is gone, I’ll never see her again, or talk to her. I think Mrs. Jonas cares more then I do. I know, sounds horrible but honestly it’s true. My cousins were all way older then me, and all boys. After the mass they carried the coffin out to the hearse. Of course it was raining, making the day only sadder though it wasn’t affecting me just the people around me. Maybe I’m just in shock. But I don’t think I am. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, but I know it’s not sadness, which I should be feeling. Next thing I knew I was in my cousin’s big SUV driving to the cemetery, no one was talking I was looking out the window and playing with the hem of my dress the one I just bought yesterday with Nick.

The car came to a stop and I looked up, “Were here” Mark said to me, he was twenty nine one of the youngest of my cousins, I smiled at him. He got out and opened my door. He had a black umbrella just like the many others around us. We started off down to my mom’s burial site. Right next to my grandparents, the ones I never got to meet. I was handed a red rose from my Aunt I took it and continued to walk down the path. I saw some of my friends standing around the all gave me weak smiles, I returned the gesture. Mark wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed them. Soon everyone was standing around, the priest started to talk again, though I wasn’t paying attention I was looking past him at the rain beating against the road past the fence. Everyone walked by and put a rose on the coffin. I saw the Jonas family all walk up and put their own roses down, Mrs. and Mr. Jonas gave me sentimental looks I smiled at them to say thank you, Frankie ran up and hugged my knees I laughed a little and bent down to be eye level with him, “I’m sorry Ally” he said, “Aw, thanks bud, it means a lot that you’re here for me, I don’t think I could have made it threw the day without seeing your smile today, can you give me another one?” he nodded his head and smiled, I laughed a little and pulled him into a hug, “Come on Frankie” Kevin said holding out his hand, Frankie took it and waved as he walked away I gave a small wave and smile. My family started to take turns going up and saying there last goodbyes and placing their roses down and then leaving, I wanted to be that last. Mark went ahead of me he offered me the umbrella I shook my head no and he went on. After he walked away I took a deep breath and walked up slowly. I looked at the navy blue coffin. It had seashells engraved as a design. I took a deep breath and lifted my head up a little. “Well mom, we had a nice run….I was never good with goodbyes, you know that. Then again you may not, I’ll miss you. And thanks, I know you tried your best and that’s good enough for me. Love you” I said out loud, I took up the rose that I had been twirling in my hand and looked at it, then back to the coffin, I leaned over and placed it down on top of the others. “I’ll miss you” I said with one last look. The rain started to fall a little heavier now I took another deep breath and turned around to start my way back up the hill. I picked my head up and saw Nick standing there, half way to the top with an umbrella. He smiled at me and I returned it weakly, he walked towards me as I walked up to meet him.