The Past Belongs In The Past

Three days.

I ignored his frequent phone calls for three days. I continued with my life and kept ignoring him like he’d never returned. He turned up to my work every night and I made David keep him away from me. I just hadn’t cooled down enough.

“Mummy?” Madison stared at me from across our dining table.

“Yes, pumpkin?” I had been expecting it. I wasn’t ready to answer just yet but I knew she’d ask soon. She’d ask ‘mummy? When are we going to see daddy again?’. I didn’t know what I’d say. I didn’t have a straight answer to give, which is really the only sort you can give a three year old. She isn’t old enough yet to understand conflicting emotions.

But I braced myself for her appeal anyway.

Which is why I was so taken aback when she said.

“Mummy, can we go we my nana and poppy?”

“Nana and granddad are in Florida for the month, hun.” I said.

“Not your mummy and daddy.” She giggled “Daddy’s.”

I frowned. “Oh.” I said simply. She was staring at me, waiting for an answer. “I…um…”

“Pleeeese.” She begged.

“Um…okay, sure.” I gave in.

“Yay! I’ll got get ready!” she hopped down from her chair and raced away.

So apparently we were going on a road trip today. To see my ex’s parents for the first time in four years. The ones who had no idea they had a granddaughter. Fun.

I wasn’t sure if I should tell Gerard we were going. I really didn’t want to talk to him but he’d find out we went anyway. In the end I left a message on Mikey’s cell phone telling him we were going to New York and we’d be passing through New Jersey -not that there is ever a reason to pass through New Jersey- and we’d go see his parents.

****

It looked exactly the same as it had five years ago when I first pulled up in front of it. Nothing changes in New Jersey. Only the people in the photographs.

I parked outside the house in the car we had hired and just sat there for a few minutes. It was only when Madison called out to me from the backseat that I realised I had to get out.
I helped her out of her car seat and we slowly walked towards the house. As I climbed the steps I hadn’t climbed in years I was hit with a wave of panic. I hadn’t even rung ahead to tell them we were coming, what if they didn’t even live here anymore?

Dave and Tessa Way had been like parents to me. How was I going to tell them that I had given birth to their eldest son’s child but I hadn’t told them?

Madison knocked confidently on the door and then lost her nerve and hid behind me. How was I going to--?

My thoughts were interrupted by the door in front of me swinging open to reveal a middle-aged woman with a kind but tough face.

“Yes?” she asked, looking at me like she had no idea who I was.

“Um…hi…I--” I stammered.

Her faced changed with recognition at the sound of my voice. “Wait, Annie?” she asked.

Mikey and Tessa are the only ones I let call me Annie. It’s a Way privilege.

“Yea…Hi Mrs Way.” I said nervously.

“Well I’ll be! I haven’t seen you round here in years!” She stepped forward to pull me into a warm hug. “How have you been sweetheart?”

“I’ve been good.” I said slowly.

“I was so upset to hear that you and that boy of mine weren’t together anymore. Broke my heart to see him throw something so good away.” She continued.

My heart sank at her words. She blamed Gerard for our break up.

“So what brings you to these parts, pumpkin?”

I took a deep breath. She hadn’t noticed Maddie yet and I wasn’t sure how to tell her.

“Um...Mrs Way--”

“Call me Tessa, hon. Mrs Way makes me feel old.”

“Can I come in? I have to talk to you about something.”

“Well sure, sweet cheeks. Oh it’s been too long!” she pushed open the door more so I could come inside. She didn’t wait for me to enter before wandering into the adjacent lounge. I followed slowly.

“Take a seat, hon,” She said tidying up a stack of magazines without looking up at me.

I didn’t move and when she sat down a moment later she looked puzzled. I took hold of Madison’s hand and pulled her in front of me so Mrs Way could see her fully.

“Oh well who is cutie?” Tessa cooed.

“I’m Maddie.” Madison said shyly.

Deep breath. Just tell her straight out. “Madison,” I began, “Is my daughter. You’re grand daughter.”

Time ticked past with hour-long seconds. Tessa’s smiling face faltered with surprise.

She froze, looking completely shocked. “She’s--” she stumbled over her words.

“Gerard’s daughter.” I said trying to sound confident.

“Wow.” She said, staring at Madison with wide eyes. “Wow.” She said again.

“I thought you should find out from me before you had…someone else tell you.” I rambled, trying to fill the stunned silence. Basically I didn’t want her to come across the juicy gossip in some trashy magazine.

I watched as Tessa’s eyes began to fill with tears. I hurried across the room to her, pulling her into a hug. “I’m so sorry it came as such a shock to you, I didn’t know how else to tell you.”

Her glistening hazel eyes looked up at me. “I’m a grandmother.”

I smiled. “Yes,”

Then the tears started to flow down her pale cheeks. “I wish Dave was still here for this. He would have loved to have had a grand child.”

I smiled and then I realised what she had just said. “Wait, he what?” I felt my chest tighten with fear.

“Anna, David passed away two years ago, after he had a heart attack.”

The room tipped and swirled into front of my eyes. My breathing came in short bursts and I flopped blindly into a near-by armchair, my eyes burning with the warm tears that streaked my face.

Tessa smiled sadly “He loved you though. He always called you ‘Gerard’s something right’.”

****

The cold stone slab stood in front of me. It’s engraving mirroring the consequences of my choices.

Only the good die young.
David Arthur Way
1950-1999
Loved husband, father, friend.

And Grandfather.
He’d never know.