The Past Belongs In The Past

“You’re late.” Cat said.

“You’re fault.” I replied in the same tone.

“What? Why was that?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

I pulled on my apron.

“Can I help you?” I asked the middle-aged businessman who had come up to the counter.

“A coffee, please”

“Would you like a muffin with that? We have a fresh batch of blueberry just made.”

“No, thank you.”

“That’ll be $2.50, thanks”

He swapped the money for the coffee I handed him and left.

“So tell me, what did I do wrong this time?” Cat asked.

Cat was not much older than me, about twenty-six. She’s fun and easy to talk to.

“Did I man call here asking for me?”

“Lots do…” she teased.

“Well you gave this one my number.”

“Oh…Michael I think he said his name was. He said he was your cousin.” She said and then she looked worried “He wasn’t?”

“No he wasn’t. He’s my ex-boyfriend’s brother.”

“Oops.”

“Yea oops alright!”

“So…what did he want?”

“To talk to me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because his brother has been looking for me.” I said refilling the coffee pot “Ergh it’s been four years! Why didn’t he get the message I didn’t want to see him!?”

Catherine paused for a moment.
“Four years huh?” she said with a smirk. “and how old is little Maddie?”

“Oh look customers waiting to be served!” I said and hurried off.

I tried to avoid conversation on the topic with Cat for the rest of the day. I did quite well.
At the end of the day Marty turned up with Madison.

“I’ll just be a second and we’ll head home. Okay?” I said.

“Okay. Can I draw on the blackboard?” Madison asked.

“Okay but please don’t wipe off all my writing.”

“I won’t.” she promised with a grin.

We were just getting ready to close up when the bell on the door rang, signalling a new arrival.

“We have already closed the kitchen.” I said without turning around.

“That’s okay. We’ll just have coffee.” Said a familiar male voice from behind me. I spun around.

“Hey Anna.” Mikey said.

I just stared and he stared right back. He was standing in the middle of my work with Mikey next to him. Even after three years he looked exactly the same. Just as handsome and young. But more…alert. He’d lost that dull glazed look of someone suffering from cocaine abuse.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hello.” I replied.

“Coffee?” said Mikey.

“Oh yea, right…” I turned away and poured them two large cups.

“Aww you remembered.” Said Mikey smiling at the huge cups I presented them.

“Not the easiest thing to forget about you two.” I said wearily.

“Mummy the yellow chalk broke!” Maddie came running from the backroom holding up the victimised chalk.

“Mummy?” Gerard asked.

“Hey you’re the man from my picture!” Madison squealed when she caught sight of him. “Mummy that’s my da--”

I cringed. “Honey, this is Mikey.” I said interrupting her. “Why don’t you show Mikey the blackboard?”

“But the yellow chalk broke.” She said holding up the pieces for me to see.

“Well I’m sure there is some more yellow chalk around here somewhere…” I said searching beneath the counter. “A-ha! Here’s some. Try not to break this one, okay?”
“I’ll try.” She said seriously “Come on Uncle Mikey I’ll show you where the chalkboard is.”

She wandered around the counter, took his hand and led him away. Leaving Gerard and I alone.

“You have a daughter.” He said tonelessly

“Yea…”

“and she…has a photo of me?” he said looking slightly amused.

“Well yea…she wanted…she wanted to know what her father looked like.” I stammered.

The amusement drained from his face, along with the colouring. He stared at me. Just sat there, staring.

“She’s…I’m…she’s my…I’m her…” he blubbered.

“Yes.” I said firmly “She is your daughter.”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I sure?! Of course I’m sure!” I said a little pissed off.

He sat and stared for a moment more. He was shaking which was not an uncommon sight for me but this time it was for a different reason.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said quietly, his voice shaking with what was either shock or anger.

“and what would you have done if I did Gerard?” I said coldly “Stopped everything to play daddy?”

“How old is she, Anna?”

“Three and a quarter.” I replied.

“So in three in and a quarter years it never occurred to you to pick up the phone and tell me I was the father of a beautiful little girl?” he said angrily, the volume of his voice rising.

“You couldn’t have been a father Gerard!” I yelled, “She wouldn’t have fit into your ‘lifestyle’. We wouldn’t have fit.”

“I’d have made you fit!”

“We were Sid and Nancy, Gerard! I wasn’t going to end up that same way!”

“I cleaned up. I sobered up, Anna.” He yelled “I would have done that for you and for her!”

“Good for you! I couldn’t take that chance, the chance that you wouldn’t!” I screamed, “I left while I still could. I made the choice that would be best for me and my daughter.”

“She’s my daughter too!” he roared.

“I know! You don’t think I wanted to tell you!?” I could feel the tears well “I wanted to tell you! I wanted to, but it hurt! For fucks sake we were still kids!”

“I was twenty-one!”

“I was nineteen! I had to grow up the moment the blue line appeared.”

I was in tears at this point and he was shaking more than before.

“I was scared and I ran away! I couldn’t stay, and then I couldn’t turn back. I couldn’t go back to that life!” I shrieked.

“We were engaged!”

I stopped for a moment. “There’s no room for a wife and daughter to a rock star.” I said quietly.

Gerard just watched me crying.

“Mummy?”

We both looked up. Madison was standing in the doorway looking scared and like she too was on the verge of tears.

“Oh honey. It’s okay. Gerard and I were just having a little argument.” She walked slowly over to me and I swung her up into my arms.

Mikey came running out of the backroom.

“Sorry…the chalk distracted me…” he said sheepishly.

“Uncle Mikey can’t draw very good.” Madison giggled. She wriggled to be let down, ran over to Mikey and made him pick her up.

“Hey! I thought my elephant was quite good!” he said indignantly to her. She giggled and kissed him on the cheek.

“All better?” she asked.

“Um...yeah it is.” He said blushing.

He looked at Gerard who was still shaking and fuming, and me who had mascara running down my cheeks.

“I think we should go now.” He said quietly putting Maddie down.

“Will you come and play with me again soon?” Madison asked sweetly

Mikey looked awkwardly at me.

“Where are you guys playing?” I asked.

“The Arena.” Gerard answered tonelessly.

“We might come see you.” I said to Mikey.

“See you then.” Gerard said. “Bye Madison.”

“Bye… daddy.” She said shyly and she hid behind me.

Gerard smiled sadly.