The Past Belongs In The Past

“Now stay close to me, hold on to my hand and don’t talk to strangers. Okay?” I told her.

“Yes mum”

We walked through the back parking lot chaos. I spotted their bus through the fencing. We just had to get through that.

“Hey I’m here to see My Chemical Romance.” I said to the big burly bouncer at one of the gates.

“Yea aren’t you all.” He sniggered.

“No they are actually expecting me. I’m An--”

“Anna?” another one of the bouncers came over. I recognised his face.

“Joe?”

“Anna! Wow it is you! You haven’t been around here for…years.”

“Yeah…” I trailed off “How’s about letting me in?”

“Yea sure.” He said stepping forward and opening the gate for Maddie and me. “She’s with the band.” He told the other guy with a meaningful look.

“But I’m not ‘with the band’ like a groupie, I’m not a groupie. Joe, don’t tell people I’m a groupie!” I rambled.

“Denial.” He said solemnly to the other guy who nodded and went back to guarding the gate from the crazed fan girls.

He led me back past all the techs, equipment and fans to the My Chemical Romance tour bus.

“They’re inside I think.”

“Thanks Joe” I said.

“It’s good to have you back Anna.” He said earnestly.

I smiled weakly at him and then helped Madison climb the steps to get into the bus.

Those inside looked up at us as we entered. Ray was sitting with his guitar on the sofa, Mikey was reading what looked like a comic, Bob was smoking a cigarette with a decapitated smoke alarm next to him and Gerard was scribbling in a notebook.

“Hi everyone.” I said a little shyly.

“Anna!” Frank yelled and he came racing from the back and straight at me. He stopped short when he caught sight of Madison who had been cowering behind me.

“And who is this?” he asked giving me a skeptical look.

“Um...this is my daughter, Madison.”

“Your daughter?” Bob asked coolly, the way Bob does to calm people.

“Wow I keep having this same conversation!” I said frustrated. “Yes she is my daughter.”

“Well… okay then.” Frank said bending down to Madison’s height. “Hi I’m Frank, I’m an old friend of your mum’s. From before you were born apparently.”

“Hi Frank…” she said shyly then she caught sight of Mikey and Gerard and was suddenly full of energy. “I’m Maddie! How old are you?”

“You shouldn’t really ask people that sweet heart.” I said.

“That’s okay, I’m twenty. How old are you?”

“I’m three and a quarter!” she announced happily. “Almost four!”

The bus went silent.

“Oh.” Frank said and he turned his head up to face me. “Four years old? Is she right?”

“That’s right.” I said meaningfully.

“Whoa!” Frank exclaimed spinning around on his toes to look at Gerard. Gerard was gazing blankly at Maddie.

“We’re going to go…do a sound check.” Suggested Mikey meaningfully to Ray, Frank and Bob. They all got up and left the bus. I could hear Frank babbling excitedly about Gerard being a father. I sighed.

“Hey Maddie why don’t you go see what Gerard is drawing? See if he’s as good as you.”

“Okay!” she giggled, ran over to him, jumped up onto the sofa and sat in his lap.

“He’s pretty good. They’re a little scary though.” She reported.

“Why don’t you show him how it’s done.” I said sitting down next to them.

Gerard gave her the pencil and she started drawing. When she had finished she held up the book for us to see. It consisted of two scribbled people, actually really good for a three-year-old.

“Mummy, that’s you.” She said pointing to the ‘person’ on the left. “And that’s you, daddy.”

She said pointing to the one on the right.

“Don’t we look pretty.” I cooed.

“Do you like it?” Maddie asked Gerard.

“I love it,” he said enthusiastically. “Hey let’s put it on the wall.” He pulled the page out of his book, found a tack and put it on the bus wall which already had other things tacked to it.

“I like this wall.” Madison said standing up on the sofa to get a better look at it. “Who are all these people?” she asked pointing at the photos.

“Other bands that we’ve met, people we know and family.” Said Gerard.

“Hey that’s you mummy!” Maddie said pointing excitedly. I got up and had a closer look at the photo. It was of me and the band standing outside this bus four years ago. I smiled sadly at it. We all looked so happy. Who’d have known?

“What band is it?” Madison asked Gerard excitedly “Is it like the Bee Gees?”

He raised his eyebrows at me. “Only you, Anna, would have a three-year-old Bee Gees fan.”

I laughed and smiled. “I didn’t do it! She found my records.”

“I find lots of stuff in mummy’s wardrobe. Like your photo! And this really cool t-shirt!”

Madison told him.

“What colour was this t-shirt?” Gerard asked her.

“Black! And…red! And broken.” she said straining to remember.

“Like this one?” he asked pointing at a photo near the top of the wall.

“I can’t see!” Madison complained, standing on her tiptoes.

Gerard picked her up and held her up so she could look at the photo. It was of me wearing one of my ‘My Chemical Romance’ merchandise t-shirts, which I had torn the bottom off of. I was into the whole navel bearing thing…oh the fashion mistakes I made…

“That’s it!” she shouted. “I like that top.”

“Do you want one? If your mum says you can have one of course.” Gerard asked, looking at me.

“Mummy?” she begged turning on the puppy-dog eyes.

“Yea that’s fine.” I said “No…scary pictures.” I added.

“Okay I’ll see if I can get one small enough for you. They look a bit different now though.”

“Are they black still?” Madison asked putting on her ‘serious face’.

“Yes some of them.”

“Good.” She said happily “Black’s my favourite colour.”

Gerard grinned at her.

I laughed. “She’s your daughter alright…”