Like a Fool

I threw the door open and ran to my car, I gunned the engine and tore out of the parking lot. I didn't need to focus on the route to my house, instead I thought of all the nights I spent crying because I thought it was something I did, or something Mom did. But no, it was just because he's a flaming asshole! Brilliant!

As I pulled up I saw an unfamiliar rental car and my mom's white Honda. Perfect.

I didn't bother knocking, I just stormed in. As I entered the heart of our house (the kitchen) I stopped dead in my tracks for what felt like the hundredth time. There they were, just talking.

Nothing special, just talking pleasantly over coffee.

"Cain! Oh my lord! I've been so worried!" Upon closer inspection of my mothers face I realized it wasn't as pleasant as I first thought. Her eyes looked dull, her red hair frizzy, and her mouth turned into a frown.

"Why didn't you tell me why he left?" My voice was calm and controlled. Completely opposite to what I was feeling.

She sighed "Honey, it was hard on both of us when your father left. I didn't want to show my face around town let alone tell my daughter the real reason." I nodded, it made sense. Now it was his turn.

"Why the fuck didn't you say anything to me?! I begged you not to leave! But no, you just drove away. And why did you cheat in the first place? Were we not enough for you?"

And for the first time in twelve years I heard him speak "Peanut, I was an idiot. I shouldn't have done what I did but I'm trying to make up for it now."

"Don't you dare call me that! Don't you dare! You lost that right." Pain crossed his face. I took the time to try and see how he aged. His black hair now had gray streaked through it, his green eyes still had those flecks of brown but were now heavily lidded, his posture was sagging but still had a proud stance.

"I'm so sorry Cain. I've missed you more than you know. I've called every week but your mother never thought you were ready to talk."

"Well she was right. Calling every week can't make up for twelve missed birthdays, twelve missed Christmases, twelve years worth of crappy recitals and school plays!"

"Do you think I wanted to? Do you think I wanted to walk away from you? I love you Peanut, I'm sorry I missed you growing up. But for what it's worth, you haven't changed a bit. You have the same temper, and you still have the same fire. You used to get mad like this at Matt."

"Well now it's you." I glared. How dare he try and get all 'sentimental father' on me?! "Don't compare yourself with Matt. He's always been there, you haven't." Realization dawned on me "And you know what, I need to go see him. Since you've come back our relationship has gone to shit."

And as quickly as I came, I was gone.

As I drove I debated on where he would be. Would he be at his house, acting like none of this every happened? Would he be at Brian's, practicing for his big gig? Would he be at Lexi's... I didn't even want to think of what they were doing there. But none of the scenarios I imagined had prepared me for what was to greet me at Brian's.

Brian's was the closest to my house so I decided to check there first. Zacky answered the door with an exasperated expression but as he saw me he muttered a small "Thank God." Then pulled me into the house.

"See?! You raging lunatic? She's here and she's fine! Look, no bruises or cuts or even bags under her eyes!" Matt was pacing the living room floor gesturing wildly with his hands and had apparently just finished one of his classic Matt-rants.

We met each other in the middle of the room and embraced one another in a death grip.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole." He muttered into my ear.

"Apology accepted."

As he released me he asked "Now will you get out of whatever crappy motel you're staying in and come back home?" He looked desperate.

"It's not that simple Matt! I can't be in the same house hold as that man! And you guys have made it quite clear that I've been too immature."

"So you're moving out?! That's idiotic! Since when have you ever taken us seriously?! We've told you a million times to cover up your cleavage! But do you listen? No! You just roll your eyes and move on to the next subject!" He looked desperate.

"But you guys are right! I've been to reliant on you all, and I need to grow up!" He was about to object but I intercepted him "Don't even go there! I'm going to college next fall anyways! Just think of this as me going away early."

"But I don't want you to go away at all." This was bothering him more than I had first thought.

"But this is better! Because I'm not going away completely. I'm just at a new house, that's all."

"You can't live on your own though!" He covered my mouth as I was about to reply "Do you know how rare it is that people live completely alone? In college you have roommates, when you graduate you live with someone to share rent. Then you move in with who ever you're going to marry! See, nowhere does that cycle say to live alone."

I rolled my eyes and pointed to his hand that was still on my mouth, once released I said "Who said I'm getting an apartment to myself? There's a girl I might be rooming with."

"Has anyone else told you that you're completely insane? You don't know anything about this girl!"

"You sound like Adam."

"Don't put us in the same category..." He muttered angrily.

"I'll address that little comment later. But if she is unhinged then I'll be able to tell right away! So will you just relax and trust me?"

"How can I relax?"

"Fine, if you won't trust me then I can't talk to you until you get some sense knocked into you." I turned to walk away.

"Wait! Fine, I'll trust you. But I have to meet her too!"

"Only after I do."

"Deal."

"Okay, now we have to work out your beef with Adam. What is you're problem with him?" I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to look intimidating.

He merely laughed at my attempt but sobered up "I've just seen his temper and I know that's the kind of guy you hate."

"And yet I deal with you guys." I raised and eyebrow.

"Honey, you haven't seen me really angry. I always make sure you aren't in the room. And you know why that is?" He paused for effect "Because you saw me not even near my full blow out and you were scared to tears and wouldn't talk to me for weeks."

I remember that day. His parents were grounding him for crashing the car into a light pole. He was rampaging around and when I told him to calm down he exploded. His anger just lashed out so easily, he said (and I quote) "No one cares about you're opinions! Just buzz off". Sure it doesn't seem like much but the way he looked at me, and the way he had pushed against me. He was treating me like one of the guys, but I can't fight back the way they do.

That's why tempers always scare me so much. Because no matter how hard I try I know that if I need to, I won't be able to get away. When guys try their hardest to keep you where they want to it's close to impossible to escape.

"Well I've never seen that side of Adam, so I think I'll cross that hurdle when it comes. But part of me living on my own and growing up is handling my own problems. So please just let me find out for myself. If it turns out that he does have an anger problem, then I'll dump him straight away and that will be the end of that."

"I still don't trust him."

"And you don't have to, you just have to trust me."