Alone Forever In The Dark

It had been two years since Mara's death and I still didn't know who had done it. I've been looking through all of the police case files to find someone who would match the evidence found but my search came up empty. I jumped onto my worn down sofa and thought about what I hadn't found,

"Ryan??..." a female voice came,

I turned to see my room mate, Melisa, she had found me and we turned out to be the bestest of friends. I had walked up, from letting Mara go, to the motor way again and her car had broken down, I helped fix it then she took me home, and since then we've been friends,

"Hey Lis" I said quietly,

she moved across the room and sat next to me, it was a little stuffy but we fitted, she huddled into me and I layed my arm around her shoulders,

"Did you find anything??" her voice echoed slightly in the emptiness of my front room,

"Nope, I don't think I'm going too..." I sighed at the end, annoyied at myself for not finding anything,

"I'm sure you'll find something that'll help" she said soothingly, her hand that was rested on my chest moved slowly,

I sat there with Lis huddled into my side for most of the night, I didn't know what to do right now, after two years I had found nothing to help avenge Mara, I loved her...and it didn't really help that Lis looked alot like her. Lis suddenly sat up slowly and looked at me with sleepy eyes,

"You should get some rest Ryan, sitting here isn't going to help your mind think" she stood up then and walked into her small room,

I watched her as she did then did what she suggested and walked into my room. It was the small four walls that hit me without even moving, they had pictures of Mara all over them and I couldn't stop staring at them. When I dragged my eyes off them I pulled my cover off my bed and hulled it to the sofa, I setted up my new and uncomfortable bed on the sofa and layed there staring at the ceiling, a slight knock on the wall got me looking up and towards Lis as she stood (not wearing much if I had to say) staring at me,

"Do you want my room?? I can sleep on the sofa" she said gently,

"Oh no, don't worry I'll be fine here" I stretched trying to look comfortable,

she sighed then gave me a weak smile before walking in her room, but she left her door open slightly, I knew that was for if I changed my mind I could go and lay on her floor but I didn't think I'd do that this night, I had to much to think about. I pulled the cover over my face and closed my eyes tight, I let my mind wonder until I found myself pulling the cover off my face and looking at the time, it was only four in the morning, I had been laying there for almost five hours. I stood up and walked into Lis' room but instead of bringing my cover I got into her bed slowly next to her and layed there,

"Are you ok??" she whispered, I must had woken her up,

"Yeah...I'm just don't feel me..." I whispered back to her,

she turned to face me and looked at me puzzled, I gave her a quick smile and just looked into her eyes, I felt her moving slightly towards me more but I let her,

"You don't mind me in your bed do you??" I whispered, trying to blank the fact she was right next to me now,

"No I don't mind" she gave me a quick smile,

I layed on my back and she huddled close to my side again, I wrapped my arm around her again and this night she layed her arm over my waist, I let out a long sigh then closed my eyes. I could hear her heart beating with her breathing getting slower and slower as she drifted off to sleep, I couldn't sleep yet again, everything inside me was buzzing, thinking of a way to cause havak in the world. A sudden smell came into the room and I looked down at Lis, she was breathing so lightly you wouldn't think she was breathing at all, but I could somehow feel her mind escaping her as she slept, many smells and thoughts floated around the room until I found one that shocked me,

"I wish Ryan liked me..."

I looked around the room and with my sight I could see words floating around, it was kinda freaky and I thought it must had been a dream but an image came into few and I looked closely at it, it was me fixing her car the night we met, she was looked at me while I wasn't knowing she was. Lis likes me...and she had liked me ever since we met...I had never thought she did really, I just thought she was being there to help me through what happened. I layed there thinking, Lis' happy, smiling face was all I could see in my head and I didn't know how I felt about her now, I was happy she was there for me as a friend but something inside was making my feelings for her stronger. Her alarm buzzed at seven in the morning, but she didn't wake up like she normally does, her hold on me though tightened,

"Um...Lis...you've got work today" I said just a tad louder then a whisper,

her heavy head looked up to me and she looked awful, her bright coloured face was white and her bright green eyes were dulled,

"Lis you look awful..." I said to her,

"I feel it too, I feel like someone has ripped my insides out, I can't go to work today" she said before laying her head back down on my chest,

I looked at her and thought, did I do what happened earlier?? the whole her thoughts floating in the air?? I really hope it wasn't me who did that...

"Well let me get up and I'll make you a cup of Ryan home made tea" I smiled down at the top of her head,

she moved slowly but couldn't take herself off me, I was really worried, I really hope I didn't do this to her,

"Ryan...I can't move..." she breathed out,

that made me scared, I pulled her off me and then turned her so she was laying on me while looking at me, her eyes where wide with shock and I didn't know what I could do, her mouth wobbled in a whimper and I just stared at her,

"What can I do to help??" I said panicked,

her eyes blinked, she had completly frozen on me and I couldn't do anything. Then something inside me breathed out and made me do what I never thought I would do again, I moved Lis up so her face was right above mine, her eyes were fixed to mine as mine were to hers,

"I hope this works..." I said before I lowered her face to mine,

I touched her lips gently with mine and kissed her gently, her body froze one last time before it melted in my arms that I wrapped around her. I couldn't pull away and she didn't either, her hands had moved to the side of my face pulling herself into the kiss more while I pushed her into me more and more,

"Is...it working...??" I whispered against her lips,

"Yes...don't stop..." she said back, moving her hands to the back of my head,

her fingers moved through my hair and it felt so good, I moved an arm around her waist to hold her back, I pushed her against me wanting her to stay, but then Mara's face shot through my face. I pushed Lis to the side of me onto her bed and ran out of her room, I slammed my door after me then locked it, Lis was up and banging at my door,

"Ryan! what did I do??" she asked frantic,

"It's me, not you" I answered quietly but I think she heard,

"Ryan, please just let me in for a minute" she said, banging on the door but more lightly,

I stood up off the floor and walked to my door, I layed my hand against then suddenly felt her hand laying on it the same side, I opened the door then and saw her tearful face,

"What did I do wrong??" she said, panicked and out of breath,

"You didn't do anything, I did it, I shouldn't have kissed you..." I looked to the floor, away from her tear filled eyes,

"But you helped me...I was frozen and you saw it, you helped me" she said, stepping forward slightly,

"I can't be with someone again Lis...I'll hurt them and then lose them again" I answered, still looking at the floor,

she stopped and I could feel a tear rolling down her's and my cheek, she held out her hand for me to hold but I couldn't move, she took hold of it and then moved my face gently to look in her eyes,

"Please don't let this affect our friendship, I...I...I haven't kissed someone before..." she looked at me then to the floor, letting go of my hand,

as my hand dropped I looked at her scared, I kissed her and she hadn't kissed someone before...the only other girl I had kissed was Mara...and Lis looked so much like her right now,

"It won't, I won't let it" I whispered out before moving back into my room and closing the foor before she could say anything more.

I walked to my bed and layed across it, another tear fell down my cheek as all the pictures of Mara I had was now looking more and more like Lis, I turned to my side to see the only picture of me and Lis, it was of when she moved in, I got my nextdoor neighbour to take a pic of us to remember the moment, I had my arm around her shoulders and she was smiling up at me and not the camera, she had liked me for so long and I couldn't and hadn't seen it. About an hour later a quiet knock on the door woke me from my dreaming and I shuffed up off my bed and to the door, as I opened it I couldn't describe how bad I felt,

"Lis...what are you doing??" I asked as she was standing there with bags behind her,

"You won't want me here...so I have to move, I'll be staying at my sisters for a couple of weeks until I find myself a proper home" her eyes were welling up again,

"No...you can't go..." I said right before she had finished,

"You don't want me here, I'm just a pain to have around" she looked down at the bag she had next to her, "These are for you, there things I made for you but couldn't give them to you..."

she pulled the bag into my room then looked at me, I felt a tear rolling down my cheek, I couldn't lose another girl in my life,

"You can't leave..." I said out loud,

"You don't want to have someone like me here" she said, turning around to head for the front door,

I took hold of her hand and she turned to look at me. I pulled her into a hug and then kissed her gently. Our lips moved together like mine and Mara's did before everything had happened, I couldn't lose Lis as well, I really did think I liked her back...almost as much as I loved Mara. As our lips parted another tear fell down my cheek,

"Please don't leave...I can't lose you too" her face changed when I said the last part,

I held onto her hand, then linked our fingers together. It felt weird but it also felt right, she looked down at our hands then back to my face, I could feel her heart beating a little faster then before, she moved in and kissed me back. Again our lips moved together perfectly and I didn't want her to break away until her lips where suddenly gone and I was staring at her crying and blotchy face,

"Ok" she said out, before tightening her fingers with mine slightly,

"You'll stay??" I asked, hoping that's she meant,

she nodded once then let go of my hand, she walked over to her stuff then started pulling it back into her room, I ran and helped her but purposly forgot to take the bag of stuff she had given me by putting it in my room.