I'll be there for you through it all

Gerard’s POV.

I’m sitting in the cold, dark living room of my bands tour bus. Its 3am and I just cant sleep, I have a feeling deep inside me that something is wrong, but I just cant put my finger on it.

Without thinking I poured my coffee down myself and screamed in pain, hearing a few crashes before Mikey, Bob and Ray all run though to where I am sat.

“What the hell happened Gee” Mikey shouted
“I just spilt my coffee is all”
“Why are you drinking coffee at fucking 3 in the morning and then pouring it over yourself ”
“I couldn‘t sleep and if you wouldn’t mind id like some peace”

By now Bob and Ray had seen I was okay and gone back to the bunk area to sleep.

I’m not sure what Mikey wants, but he’s just sat next to me on the sofa staring at me.

After 5 minutes I get up and run out the bus into the dark cold streets of Los Angeles and keep running until I find a deserted park.

You see, I like to be alone these day’s, I’m in love with a man who will never love me back, and no-one apart from me knows about this, if anyone else found out I would be without a band, and without my friends. So I like to keep my distance so I don’t let anything slip.

I find myself sitting on a damp tyre swing, just thinking of the man I love so much, I can’t even tell my brother because you see its his best friend, the one, the only Frank Anthony Iero.

Another secret that I don’t dare tell anyone is that, when I think about Frank it gets me so depressed and down that I take a piece of shiny metal and cut my skin with it.
Sometimes it is deep and other times just scratches, but it helps me release my emotional pain and turn it into physical pain, sometimes I drink and do drugs too, and they are the biggest regrets of my life, but I just cant seem to stop, all my friends think I have stopped but this just isn’t the case.

Mikey’s POV.

I just don’t know what has gotten into Gerard lately, he has been acting so off with everyone and is always so distant.
I’m really worried, I don’t want him to turn back to his old habits, it scares me to death.
Every time I try to talk to him he runs off or I just cant say what I want and need to, I’m a rubbish brother, Gerard doesn’t trust me, I bet he doesn’t even like me anymore.
We used to be so close until Grandma died. We used to share all our secrets with each other and when we needed one another we would always be there.
This time I think it will take a lot of work to get Gerard to talk to me about his emotions and problems.
Usually when I feel this way I cut, I cut deep and bad, it really helps, Gerard doesn’t know, I don’t want to make him feel worse than he probably already does, but it just helps you know. I’m so depressed at the moment and I use it as an escape, I know its wrong but it is so addictive.

After thinking about it all I run into the bathroom and cry, I cry until there is no more tears.
Reaching into the small medicine cabinet I see the thing I am looking for and reach to grab it. See on the tour bus everything is small, and you never get any real privacy unless you run off, but its 4:30am, so I’m sure no-one else knows what I’m about to do.

Pulling up my sleeve I cut 3 long deep cuts into my wrist and then cover them with a black flannel, placing the blade back into the cabinet, rinsing off the blood and pulling my sleeve down.

I’m so exhausted so I doubt there will be much trouble with me getting to sleep tonight. One last look at the clock and it reads 5am before shutting my eyes and letting sleep wash over me.