Hemorrhage.

There are a lot of things I can handle in life - a stomach growling for days on end, or having to stare at myself in the mirror. I can do that. I can do that with this fake fucking smile on my face and a flutter of my eyelashes. I can handle that.

I can’t handle heartbreak.

Or, at least, I thought it was the equivalent of heart break as I stood there and watched her.

She was gorgeous, there was no doubt. Her pale skin and red hair, her perfect, size 0 body. She was smiling at me uncomfortably, her gums showing, and I wondered if she was just as surprised as I was. I didn’t know John had a girlfriend. He never told me he had a girlfriend.

Why wouldn’t he, though? I mean, after all, he was John O’. Girls fawned over him across the nation. She would be lucky to have a guy like him.

John was looking back at forth at us, smiling hesitantly, before he put his hand on my arm and tugged me closer.

“Emelie, this is Mia. Mia, this is Emelie.”

We nodded and smiled at each other, but she didn’t say hi. I wasn’t going to either. This was me, after all. I didn’t talk without being spoken to. Unless I was talking to John.

“I’m his girlfriend.” Mia finally said, and I didn’t know if she was saying that as an introduction or as a warning. I nodded, showing her that I knew that. Well, I knew that now, at least.

“I’m just his friend.” I said in return, feeling uncomfortable as I stood there. That was it, wasn’t it? I was just his friend.

There was an inner battle between myself, instantly siding on whether they liked or disliked Mia. I wanted to like her - she seemed nice enough, and if she was in John’s life, that meant she wasn’t a complete and total bitch. John didn’t handle bitched. There was a part of me that was, I guess, jealous. Maybe not so much of their relationship (I hadn’t been around long enough to know if they acted well with each other) but just of her title. A lot of girls would kill for a chance in the same position as her. I almost felt ashamed to know that I would most likely add to that list.

“How long have you known each other?” She asked me.

“Forever.” It was true. We’ve known each other since birth, I think. I didn’t remember John until I was five, but I knew he was there, a part of my life.

“Oh.” She didn’t look too happy about this. “I’ve only known him for about two years, now.”

I nodded. I didn’t care. I would probably never care. Their relationship didn’t matter to me, and that made me feel like such a bitch, because I was pretty sure I was one of his best friends now. Wasn’t I supposed to care about stuff like that? I was probably supposed to be all happy and giddy and glad for him.

After all, if he was happy, I was happy, right?

Except not so much.

“Well, let’s sit down.” John ushered us into his living room. John’s apartment was a typical bachelor pad. There were two bedrooms, all plainly decorated (though his did have navy walls), a leather couch in the living room with a plasma TV and a few gaming systems, and a practically bare kitchen. It wasn’t a mess, because there wasn’t enough stuff inside of it to make it a mess.

His house was bare.

Probably because he was gone all the time.

Mia took a seat next to John, snuggling up at his side, and I curled myself up in one of his recliners. I didn’t like sitting on his leather sofa. John sent me a questioning glance, and I just shrugged him off. He looked a little contemplative for a second, before he mouthed a “sorry” towards me. I shrugged again. It didn’t matter. His furniture choices need not be influenced by my personal choices.

“So…” John trailed off, before he stood up. Mia had to support herself, and she didn’t look totally happy about that. “I’ll go get you something to drink. Water for Emelie, and Mia, you’ll have…?”

“Water.”

He nodded.

I didn’t miss the look of anger that flashed across her face as he remembered my drink order but not hers. I didn’t think it was because he didn’t remember hers, I just think maybe she was the type of person that varied what she drank and he was just asking her. If I liked Mia, and felt the need to cheer her up, I probably would have told her that. I didn’t really like her that much, though, so whatever.

Mia looked over at me as John left the room. I couldn’t decipher the look on her face.

“So you’re like, what? A double zero?”

I blinked up at her. “What?”

“Your jean size. I’m guessing a double zero? Those even look a little baggy on you.”

My mouth was hanging open as I stared at her. I didn’t know how to react? Was that supposed to be flattering or insulting? I couldn’t help but cringe as I thought about any body comments. I hated when people brought up stuff about the way I looked.

I knew, okay? I knew exactly how I fucking looked.

Why did they always feel the need to bring it up and shove it in my face?

“I guess…” I trailed off, looking at her. I gulped. I could feel it, the words brewing in my brain. I knew she wasn’t going to let it go like that. Girls like her didn’t let things go easily, especially if they thought I was spending too much time with their boyfriend.

“Do you eat anything?” She asked my, and her voice was disapproving.

What the fuck?

How long did it take for John to get two glasses of water? Seriously, it had been what, five minutes already? Okay, more like two, but whatever. I could really use some saving right now.

I didn’t have the heart to answer her. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, my throat tightening in anger and frustration. Was she calling me fat? Is that why she was talking to me like this? Did she think that I was too disgusting to be John’s friend? Did she think I was the ugliest person she had ever laid eyes on?

“Come on, someone that looks like you doesn’t eat.” She said. “You’re what? Anorexic? Bulimic? A binge eater? Are you John’s charity case or what, because I’ve never even heard your name before?”

Breathe, Emelie. In and out.

Count to ten and then breath.

One, two, three, four, five.

“It’s sad, really, how he’s wasting his time. I would have thought he would have better taste in friends. I just hope you’re not getting your hopes up, that’ll he stay around long. He won’t, honey.” Her voice was so sickly sweet, her smile so insincere, that it was almost sickening.

Why was she doing this to me?

My breathing was becoming labored, and the oxygen was becoming harder to get into my lungs. Fuck this. Fuck her.

Who did she think she was?

“Oh, honey, it’s okay. No need to get upset. Enjoy it while it lasts, just don’t get too heartbroken when he leaves you.”

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

I was trying to calm myself down but it wasn’t really working. None of this was really working.

My breaths were becoming short and turning into gasps. John was going to leave me?

Why?

What had I done?

I needed to get out of here.

John burst through the door the same second I shakily stood up from my seat. He looked fucking pissed, and I didn’t know what I had done to make him so mad.

His face was red, and he didn’t have any glasses of water in his hand. Mia was looking up at him, her eyes wide with shock.

"I-I’m so s-sorry.” I apologized, before using my legs and making them move as fast as I thought they possibly could. I had to get out of here.

John didn’t go after me.