Come Around

"Where do you want me to start?" Cassie asked.

"I'm not even sure what you have to tell me, so I guess you can start wherever you feel the most comfortable," Alex replied.

Cassie nodded and fell silent for a minute, thinking of the best way to say anything. Her past just so happened to be her least favorite subject but for some reason she needed Alex to understand why the things he said had hurt her the way they did.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to," he said quietly.

She shook her head, "It's okay. I want to. It's just not easy," she said, taking a deep breath, "So, you know that I was pregnant a couple years ago." Alex nodded and she continued, "I was pregnant once before that, when I was fifteen," she said.

Alex's eyes widened but he didn't say anything.

"Before you judge me," she said, "I was not a slut. I didn't sleep around. I just made some bad decisions."

"How so?" he asked.

"I was young, obviously, and I was seeing a guy who was two years older. I don't even remember how I met him. I mean, I went to the all girls Catholic school and he went to one of the public schools. Anyway, he was my first boyfriend and I didn't know anything about relationships, so I pretty much did what he wanted me to."

"This guy sounds like a first class asshole," Alex said.

Cassie nodded, "Yeah, turns out he was bragging to all his friends that he was sleeping with a girl at the Catholic school, and that he had me wrapped around his finger. And he did. But only because I was naive. Anyway, I got pregnant because he didn't like to use condoms and I wasn't on birth control. And he broke up with me when I told him."

"What happened to the baby?" he asked.

"Obviously I had to tell my parents. It was probably the most nerve wracking moment of my life. Luckily, Rian, even when he was only thirteen and I had messed up big time, was an incredibly good friend and he was there when I told them. My mom freaked and made me get an abortion. But within days of telling him, there were rumors flying everywhere about a slutty Catholic school girl. They were all over the public high schools, my school, the middle schools. Some of the rumors had my name attached to them and some didn't. Well as soon as my school had a name, they kicked me out, on the grounds I was singlehandedly giving the whole school a bad reputation."

"You're kidding? About the school, I mean. I remember those rumors," Alex said.

"I wish I was kidding," Cassie said, "But no, I did an independent study program for the next year and graduated when I was sixteen."

"How did you manage that? I mean, isn't that a lot of work to do in just one year?" he asked.

Cassie laughed, "Yeah. Here's the thing, when I get really upset, depressed, if you will, I hardly sleep and I do what it takes to keep myself busy and keep my mind off whatever is bringing me down. So I threw myself into school work, day and night, literally. There were times I was awake for five days straight."

"That can't be healthy," he said.

"It's not," Cassie said, "I had a doctor tell me once that I have a chemical imbalance that is the cause of that, but I feel fine most of the time, so I refuse to take medicine for it."

"Did you ever?" he asked.

"I did for about four months, before I moved out here. My parents made me. But it didn't help anything. It just made me feel worse. It took away the only thing I was able to control at that point, which was not sleeping."

Alex looked at her, unsure if he should say what he was thinking, "You know," he said cautiously, "I think that's a form of self destruction."

She smiled slightly, "You are so right, Doctor Alex," she said, becoming more serious, "I know it is. Like I said, though, I feel okay more than I feel bad. The medicine makes me feel sluggish and robotic, like I don't have any feelings. There's no point in living if you feel like that all the time."

He took in her words, not realizing that he was staring at her. Cassie shifted slightly under his gaze, wondering what was going through his head.

"You intrigue me," he said finally, not breaking his stare. "It's like every time I think I have you figured out, even just a little, you throw me a curve ball and it makes me want to know everything about you."

"Really?" Cassie asked, "I figured I would've scared you off by now. And I mean, Alex shaped hole in my door and you running down the street screaming kind of scared off."

Alex laughed, "No, not at all."

"You don't think I'm crazy?" she asked.

"I think you're amazing, Cassandra. No bullshit."

She smiled and looked down at the couch cushions, "Is there anything else you want to know?" she asked.

"Everything," he said.

She laughed softly, "Anything specific?" she asked.

Alex bit his lip, "Will you tell me about the other time you were pregnant? Rian said there's a whole story behind that one too."

"Sure," Cassie nodded, "It's less interesting, though."

"What does that mean?"

"After I moved out here, I dated a few guys, nothing really serious. I guess you could say I was just passing time. But there was a guy in one of my classes, Nathan, we worked on a project together and we became friends. Rian actually met him when he came out here for my eighteenth birthday," she said, "Anyway, we were friends for quite awhile before we started dating. That was about three months before my nineteenth birthday. We were together for almost two years when I started realizing that we were just not good for each other. Well, around that same time, I found out I was pregnant."

"What do you mean, you weren't good for each other?" Alex asked.

"We made really good friends. And I loved him very much. Theoretically, we should've been made a great couple. But we wanted different things in life. And the longer we were together, the more it showed and the more strain it put on our relationship. But he proposed when I told him I was pregnant, and I guess I hoped that the baby would help us come to some kind of compromise, which was stupid. Things got more strained between us. I was stressed all time time. Neither of us were happy anymore."

Alex nodded, "Sounds like a really shitty situation."

"It was," Cassie agreed, "So, one morning, when I was about six months pregnant, I was about to come downstairs and I tripped at the top and fell face first down the stairs. I cracked a rib and," she bit her lip, involuntarily placing her hand on her stomach, "The baby died." Cassie's eyes filled with tears but she continued, "After that, Nathan and I broke up, which was for the best."

Alex moved closer to Cassie and pulled her into a hug, "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Cassie sniffled, "There are still times when I miss feeling her move inside of me," she said quietly before completely dissolving into tears.

They sat there for a long time when they heard the front door unlock. Cassie pulled out of Alex's embrace and wiped her face as Rian and Angie walked in the room.

Rian glanced from Cassie to Alex, then back to Cassie, "Is everything okay?" he asked.

She nodded, giving her eyes one last wipe underneath her glasses, "Yeah, we were just talking," she said.

"Did he make you cry?"

"No, well, kind of," Cassie said, "But it really wasn't his fault. I was telling him about Sierra."

Rian nodded, "Alright, well, I'm gonna head back to the house. You need a lift, bro?" he asked Alex.

Alex looked at Cassie then at Rian and shrugged, beginning to stand up but Cassie grabbed his arm and pulled him back down onto the couch.

"We're still talking, Rian," she said, "I'll drive him home when we're done."

Rian nodded, "Okay," he said, leaning down to hug Cassie, "Remember to be careful," he whispered in her ear and she nodded.

"I am," she mumbled.

"I'll walk you out," Angie said as Rian straightened. She followed him outside to his car. "Thanks for everything. I had fun tonight," she said.

Rian smiled, "I'm glad," he said, "I did too."

"I guess I'll see you soon?" she said, absentmindedly playing with her hair.

"Of course," Rian said, as he leaned in close and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, "I'll call you tomorrow,"

She nodded, trying to keep the smile from spreading across her face, "Goodnight," she said as he got into the car.

"Goodnight, Angie," he said and pulled the door shut.

Angie gave a small wave before turning and walking back into the house. Once the door was locked, she pranced into the living room and jumped on the couch between Alex and Cassie.

"He kissed me!" she squealed excitedly.