Come Around

The day before the boys were leaving for tour, Cassie sat in her room looking at old pictures while she waited for Alex to finish packing. As hard as she tried not to let it bother her, she couldn't get Matt's words from the New Year's Eve party out of her head, though she hadn't told anyone. She had considered, on a few occasions, telling Angie or Rian, but her fear of how they would react stopped her every time. And surprisingly enough, she wasn't mad at Matt, only upset by what he had said.

Her bedroom door opened and, assuming it was Alex, she quickly gathered all the pictures and set them on the night table next to her bed. She was only a little shocked when she looked up and saw Angie taking a seat in front of her on the bed.

"So, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you, or do I have to beat it out of you?" Angie asked, getting straight to the point.

"I'm fine, Ang."

"That statement alone screams bullshit and I'm not moving from this spot until you tell me what's going on. I don't care how long it takes," she said.

Cassie sighed, knowing this was going to happen sooner or later. Only she was hoping it would've happened after the boys left.

"You have to promise not to flip out," Cassie said.

"What the fuck?" Angie said loudly, "How can you start with that and expect me not to?"

Cassie rolled her eyes, "Just shut up and listen. At Alex and Rian's party-"

"This started in Maryland and you didn't tell me?" Angie said, exasperatedly.

"Shut up Angie," Cassie said, "Matt tried to kiss me," she paused, expecting another outburst from her friend, but she remained quiet, so Cassie continued, "I figured he was just drunk and when I asked him what he was doing, he said he was looking out for Alex and started spouting bullshit about how I couldn't be trusted because I was sober and Alex was drunk so he wouldn't know if I did anything. Total garbage. And then he really pissed me off by asking if I knew how many of the girls there Alex had messed around with. But like I said, I thought he was wasted so I told him the next morning that I wouldn't tell Alex and that we should just let it go."

"You're an idiot, but okay."

"Thanks Ang. Anyway at the New Year's Eve party, he told me he lied, that he wasn't looking out for Alex and that he likes me and I shouldn't trust Alex because he was probably cheating on me and if he wasn't, that he probably would when they go on tour. And I don't want to believe him, but what if he's right? Why would Matt talk shit on his best friend if he didn't really think Alex would do it?" Cassie said, staring down at her bed spread.

Angie was silent for a minute, "Do you really think Alex would cheat on you?" she asked.

"I don't know. I didn't. But I can't stop thinking about what Matt said. And the worst part is that I'm not even mad at him."

"Well I'm about to go rip his fucking face off," Angie said, "It's bullshit, Cass. Even Rian has said that you simply letting Alex be himself and trusting him makes him try harder to be a better person in general. And you know how Rian felt about you and Alex at the beginning."

Cassie nodded, "But what if he does?" she asked.

"He's not going to. And if he does, Rian will beat the shit out of him and I'll rip his balls off. I'm pretty sure he know that," Angie said.

In spite of herself, Cassie laughed, "You and Rian are the best friends anyone could ever ask for," she said, "Just don't tell him about Matt. I'm not trying to start shit between friends, you know?"

Angie sighed and nodded, "I really think you should've told Alex though. If he finds out, he's going to be mad," she said as she stood up and walked toward the door.

"He's not going to find out. Matt won't tell him because then he'd have to explain everything he did and said, and besides you, no one else knows. And you're not going to tell him either. He's on a need to know basis, Ang, and he doesn't need to know."

Angie rolled her eyes and waved her hand in the air as she walked out of the room, indicating that she'd heard and understood, but thought Cassie was ridiculous.

Left alone once again, Cassie picked up the pictures and began looking at them again. There were pictures of her and Angie as teenagers hanging out in Cassie's apartment. There were pictures of her eighteenth birthday when Rian had come to visit her. The timing of her birthday had been impeccable, since Angie's family was on vacation the same time Rian had come to visit. And there were pictures of her and Nathan when they were happy, along with pictures of her while she was pregnant.

She was just beginning to realize how dark her room had gotten when the light came on and Alex walked over to her, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Hey you," she said with a smile.

"Hey. Sorry it took so long. Packing for tour is always crazy. I want to take everything but I know I can't. And I have to make sure I don't forget anything important. Well, basically it's like when a girl packs to go anywhere," he said, climbing onto the bed and sitting next to her, his arm immediately encircling her waist and she leaned against him, "You were so cute when you were pregnant," he said, pointing to the picture she was holding.

She smiled, "Thanks. I felt like a whale," she said, her hand resting against her stomach.

Alex chuckled to himself, "For being pregnant, you were tiny, Cassandra," he said, "Some girls get pregnant all over."

She laughed quietly too, "Man, it's going to suck when you're on tour. You won't be around to make me laugh about things like that. And my bed is going to feel so empty all the time," she said.

"I'll call you and make you laugh."

Cassie smiled and continued staring at the picture in her hand, her mind wandering back to when she pregnant. She may not have been the happiest, due to Nathan never being around because he was cheating on her, but she was happy being pregnant. Happy about having a little life growing inside of her that she would get to love and raise.

"You really want a baby, don't you?" Alex's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Why do you ask?" she said, tearing her eyes away from the picture and looking up at him.

"Well, for one, I'm not stupid," he said, "I see the look in your eyes when you see pregnant women when we're out. And when you're watching them and your hand rests on your stomach, kind of like it is right now. And the way you act around little kids. You love them, even when you don't know them. I notice these things. But you never say anything."

Cassie sighed and looked back at the picture, "Yeah, I do want a baby. I loved being pregnant, short lived as it was," she said.

After a few minutes of silence, Alex spoke, "I'll give you a baby," he said quietly.

Her eyes immediately flew up to his face and she sat up straight, staring straight at him for what seemed like an eternity to both of them. When the initial shock of his words wore off, she found her voice.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He smiled and turned his body toward her, lifting his hands to cup her face, "I can see how much you want a baby and how happy it would make you to be a mom. And I'm positive that I want to give that to you. Hell, if you wanted me to bring you the moon, you can bet I would find a way to do it. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy," he said.

"You're the most amazing boyfriend, Alex. I don't know how I got so lucky," she said, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his.

His hands stayed on her face until the kiss became more heated. He released her face and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close before leaning his entire body toward her, gently pushing her down onto the mattress.

As they began to remove each other's clothes, his words echoed in her head. He said he wanted it for her. He never said that it was what he wanted for himself. And he never said he'd stick around and be a part of it with her. He was doing this for her. And only for her.

She let out a quiet gasp as he sucked her skin into his mouth, her thoughts being temporarily erased. They were replaced with the familiar feeling of his skin against hers. She had to bite her lip to keep from screaming when he touched her just right, combined with him alternating between sucking and gently biting at her flesh.

When his lips found hers again, all her previous thoughts came rushing back to her, "Alex, stop," she said quietly against his mouth.

He ignored her demand and worked his way back to her neck, to her collarbone and to her chest, once again sucking and biting, and momentarily wiping away her concerns. He bit just the right spot and made her back arch, forcing her hips into his and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Alex," she said, a moan escaping her throat, "Fuck. Alex, we have to stop."

This time, he listened to her and pulled his mouth from her body, bringing his eyes to meet hers, "Why?" he asked, "It seemed like you were enjoying that," he said.

"I was," she said breathlessly, "God, was I enjoying that. But I can't do this. This isn't what you want."

"I want you to be happy," he said.

"I know. But I can be happy without a baby. You're only doing this for me, and while it's really a sweet gesture, I know you're not at the place in you're life where you're ready to be a father. You have so much other stuff going on. And I just can't do this to you," she said, her eyes filling with tears.

"But I want to do this for you," Alex insisted.

Cassie tore her eyes from Alex's and turned her head, "Listen to yourself, Alex! You keep saying that this is for me. I don't want to raise a baby by myself. I want a family. And that's not going to happen right now. So either put on a fucking condom or get off me," she said, her tone harsh.

With a sigh, Alex rolled off Cassie and she rolled onto her side, pulling her blankets up to her chin and holding them tightly to her chest. The bed shifted and Alex got up and put on a pair of pajama pants before laying back down. After a moment, he moved closer to Cassie and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't fight against him, but instead pressed the blanket to her face and cried herself to sleep.

When she woke up in the morning, her bed was empty. She sat up slowly, pulling the first shirt she found over her head and slipping on a pair of pajama pants. She slid her glasses onto her face and went downstairs. Alex was in the kitchen, finishing a bowl of cereal. Cassie sat at the table across from him and glanced at microwave clock.

"The guys are going to be here soon," she said.

Alex nodded but didn't look at her or say anything. Instead he just stared into the milk that was sitting at the bottom of his cereal bowl. She kept her eyes on him, knowing he was mad about the previous night but still hoping he would say something or at least look up. But after nearly ten minutes of silence, her eyes began to well up with tears.

"Please talk to me," she said quietly, her voice quivering.

Finally, he looked up, his eyes filled with hurt and anger, "What the fuck do you want me to say? How can I even follow what you said last night; I'm good enough to be your boyfriend, but not good enough to father a child," he spat.

"That's not what I said!" Cassie exclaimed, the tears spilling over onto her cheeks, "Did you even listen to me? You are good enough to father a child. I made you stop because you're at a point in your life where you still want to live for yourself. And that's fine. Keeping things the way they are is really in both of our best interests."

"I said I wanted to give you a baby, Cassandra. What more do you need from me?"

The front door opened and Rian called out to Alex. He stood from his chair and put his bowl and spoon in the sink. When he turned around, Cassie was standing as well, her eyes red and tears running down her face.

"Please don't leave like this," she said.

"I have to go," he replied, "It's not a choice."

She sighed and and wiped her face as she followed him out of the kitchen. Angie stood by the front door with the boys, everyone waiting to say goodbye. When Rian saw Cassie, concern played across his face and he wrapped her in a tight hug.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I just woke up," she mumbled, knowing that he would know she was lying.

He just nodded and gave her a squeeze before placing a kiss on her cheek, "Just call me if you need to talk," he said.

She offered him a smile before hugging the rest of the boys. When she got to Alex, she tried to hold onto him, but he grabbed onto her arms and pulled her off. She looked up at him with sad eyes and when he didn't lean down, she stood on her tip toes, kissing his lips. He returned the kiss, but kept it very brief before letting go of her.

"I'll see you later," he mumbled as he turned to follow the guys out the door.

"Bye," she said, blinking back tears. The knots in her stomach gave her the feeling that it was more final than it was supposed to be.