Meeting September

My dad walked past me, like a ghost, milk carton in hand. He didn't reach out to me. I couldn't believe it. He had to see me crying, my eyes puffy and swollen. But he only sat down at the table and poured himself a bowl of cereal. I sat on the stairs hugging myself. I recognized his dazed look, from when i was only five, the day my mother walked out the door. But this time he didn't deserve to wear it. He hadn't lost anyone. I had.

I watched him open the newspaper, but his eyes didn't move across the page, following words; sentences. He stared blankly. I felt my breath catch in my throat as i tried to suppress a sob. I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted him to hold me, i wanted him to tell me he loved me. I hadn't heard those words from him in so long. I took a deep breath and stood, slowly entering the kitchen. I waited until i was standing right beside him to speak. The sound of my voice frightened me, the softness, the rawness. He paid no heed.

'I'm leaving.'

He turned to look at me, his dark brown eyes so like my own. But in this moment i didn't see the similarity. Mine held all the emotion i felt in my heart, but his were empty. We stared at each other steadily, his face never changing. Then i turned slowly on my heel, i wanted to hear him say something. As i exited the room, i waited, but no words came. I heard the newspaper in his hands rustle, then silence. And i couldn't handle the silence.

****

I ran to my car, wiping my eyes on my ratty sweatshirt sleeve. My vision was blurry as i pulled away from the house. Looking into my rearview mirror i saw Ami in a yellow sun-dress twirling in small clumsy circles around Laura. Laura's husband Michael was trying to calm her down as she pulled on Laura's hand, causing her to stumble.

I had that picture in my mind the entire way to the freeway. But the image didn't last as i hoped it would. Instead i saw Tayler's dark hazel eyes smiling down upon me. His dimples as he laughed. I only closed my eyes for three seconds, but that's all it took.

****

The minute i woke up i knew i was in a hospital. The beeping of a monitor pounded in my ears. Everything was too bright, too loud. I couldn't remember. Why was i here?

I heard movement beside me.

'Oh my God, Charles she's awake!' I recognized that voice. I tried to reach my hand out to it, but found i couldn't move.

A nurse bustled into the room, chubby with strawberry blonde hair.

'False alarm.' Was what i heard her say as i shut my eyes.

I heard the familiar voice speak again, but i couldn't turn to see her. Her. My mother.

'Where is he? He wasn't outside the room?"

'No, i'm afraid not miss.' The nurse had a calm, soft voice. It sounded like vanilla. Sweet and smooth.

'He hasn't had the nerve to visit her. The idiot that let her go without-" I tuned my mother out. She hadn't changed, still always ranting when there were more important matters at hand. But why was i an important matter? Then the answer came to me.

I must be dying from a broken heart.

I laughed bitterly, the sound odd, distorted even to my own eardrums.

The nurse moved quickly to my bed side. I opened my eyes again, but the bright lights stung, i squeezed them shut. I heard a door open and heavy footfalls. I didn't try to open my eyes, i lay there, waiting for the person to speak. There was only silence. then my mother's voice. The calm before the storm.

'Your daughter.' She spoke slowly, anger apparent in every syllable. 'You're a coward.' She spoke softly, probably trying to hide her next words from my ears. But i heard them just the same. 'You did this to her. You're the reason she's paralyzed.'

'Paralyzed?' I thought the words just as my father spoke them. I couldn't be. Then the memories floated back to me, steadily at first but then catching speed, all racing towards... the accident.

'Paralyzed from the waist down. She's Paraplegic.'

After hearing these words i only wanted to sleep, but i wasn't tired. My brain, on it's own had about a million and one questions buzzing around. What did this mean? would i be in a wheelchair the rest of my life? How would i do everyday things? Why couldn't i have just died?

That was the question that stayed in the front of my mind. Why had Tayler gotten off so easily?

Then: 'She might not make it, i'm afraid.' This came from the nurse.

I heard the sob escape my lips and i heard someone rush over.

'Shaylee.' My mother was crying as she kissed my cheek, softly rubbing my cheek with her thumb. 'Don't be afraid. Okay?'

The words hurt the minute they left my throat.

'Let me go. Please.'