Because These Words Were Meant For You

“Are you okay?” Dillon asked as he sat down next to me, his large hand lacing with my own, small one. “Because you look like you’re about to cry.”
“My mom called,” I answered, staring as the blank TV screen lifelessly.
“Shit,” A deep, heavy sigh left his lips as he pulled my body closer, his right arm wrapping around my shoulders. “Babe, you can’t listen to her.”
“She’s my fucking mom!” I shot back, glaring at the blackness as I tried to force the tears away. “I’m so sick of people telling me that. I’m sick of everyone telling me not to listen to her, or pay attention. She’s my mom; I can’t not pay attention to her. I’ll be in the wrong if I do that.” I let out a breathless sigh, reaching up to wipe a lone tear from my eye. “I’m so sick of her. I thought it would go away when I moved out. I mean, I moved across the country; but she still gets to me. I can’t handle it, Dillon. She just puts me down. Nothing I do is good enough and she thinks she’s a little perfect angel. I’m just so sick of it, I’m so depressed right now. I just…..” I broke out into heavy tears, my cheeks stained with salt tasting liquid. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t handle it.”
“Baby,” He pulled me into his lap, his arms cradling my body to his as he held me tight. “Oh, fuck baby. I know it hurts, but you don’t have to see her. You’re here and she’s there, and she doesn’t call a lot. That woman can’t even really use a fucking phone. I know what she says hurts, but you know you’re better than that.”
“No, I really don’t.” Shaking my head, I buried it in his shirt, my cheek pressed against his chest. “I don’t feel like I’m worth anything after she talks to me. She treats me like dog shit that she constantly walks over. Nothing I do is right, everything she says comes out as a vile fucking scream because I’m ‘too fucking stupid’ to understand her. And everything I say is wrong, and she acts like she’s the perfect little angel. And if you disagree with her she says ‘whatever’ and blows you off like you mean nothing to her. But it makes no sense because she still comes back calling up and screaming at me more. I feel like her punching bag or something.” My chest heaved as I gasped for air, the last few words coming out in chopping vocal cords. “I can’t do it Dillon. She makes me feel like shit. I swear to God, I never contemplate death, but I wish it would just end. I just want it to end.”
“Hey,” He commanded, tilting my chin up as he stared into my eyes intently. “Don’t you fucking talk like that. You’re about to have a baby; we’re about to have a baby. We have so much good going for us, don’t let her drag you down. Her world means fucking nothing. If she makes you feel like that, then I’m fucking blocking her ass. I don’t give a shit if she is your mother; no one should make you feel like that. No one should make anyone feel like that. And if you don’t want to tell her off, I fucking will for you. Because that’s absolute bullshit and I’m not letting you put up with it.” He pressed his lips into my temple, mumbling his words into my skin. “I fucking won’t put up with it.”
“I love you,” I said seriously, listening to myself sniffle loudly. “So much. I don’t think I could do this without you. It hurts so badly sometimes, but I think of you and it gets better. I know you’ve done wrong, some really wrong things, but I still love you. I can’t stop. You’re just…..you complete me. And maybe it’s stupid and maybe I shouldn’t rely on you that much, but I do. You’re half of the only thing that keeps me going.”
“I love you too,” He pressed his lips into mine, holding my tight against himself. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. And I’m sorry you have to deal with fucking shit like that. I wish I could make your mom get a grip. I wanna smack her so bad. I hate that she makes you feel that way. But I can’t do anything but hold you unless you want me to do more.”
“Like you said, she’s across the country; thousands of miles away.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, staring at the apartment door as the girls piled in through it. “And I shouldn’t let it bother me this much, but it just hurts so much.”
“I know baby,” He gently rubbed circular motions in my back, his eyes meeting Nita’s as she walked in with a curious look on her face. “She’s having a little breakdown.”
“Aw, babe,” Nita plopped on the couch next to Dillon, her delicate lips leaving a soft kiss on my forehead. “It’s alright.”
“Are you alright?” Sarah asked as she and Taylor, Mari, and Raychel made their way into the living room. “You need to talk? You know we’re always here for you.”
“I know,” I smiled up at them lightly, still a little worn and torn from everything. “And thank you. But Dillon pretty much fixed it this time.”
“Yeah, about that,” Taylor scoffed, pointing a long, thin finger at me. “I knew you two weren’t going to be ‘just friends’ for very long.”
“She isn’t back with me yet,” He replied, chuckling as he stared up at the tall, brown haired girl. “Thought she is on top of me.”
“Oh, you perve.” I slapped his chest with my hand, giggling loudly as I stared up at the girls. “What’s up? Where did you guys go?”
“Oh, shopping!” Sarah Raychel grinned brightly, a big, joyous smile shinning through in her eyes. “The boys we’re all bored and we ended up all going out and then we ended up meeting up for lunch.” She giggled loudly, pointing at the door as it opened. “Their bringing up our bags. Aren’t we good, or what?”
“Fantastic?” I laughed loudly, watching as Johnny, Charlie, Jay, Matt, and Aron lugged in a few bags each, a less then pleased look on their faces.
“Hey, I got you sexy lingerie,” Taylor grinned over at Charlie, a smirk set on her very pink, kissable lips. “Just you wait till later.”
“Ohh, mama bought me sexy lingerie!” He thrust his pelvis, grinning over at her. “How am I suppose to put that on? My junk is going to be popping out everywhere!”
“On me!” She yelled, shaking her head in dismay and bewilderedness. “Are you seriously that slow? Jesus Charlie, it’s for me to wear and for you to take off. God, no wonder you’re blonde!”
“I’m not that blonde!” He came at her, running through the apartment with the bags in toe.
“AHH!” Screaming, she ran for her bedroom and threw herself onto the bed. Charlie turned around and gave us a thumbs up before he shut the door; a smirk that read “I’m getting luckkkkkkkkkkkky!” spread across his face like wild flowers in a field during hot summer days.
“Wow,” I mumbled, giggling loudly as I stared up at the group.
The guys had come to stand behind or by their ladies sides, the bags thrown carelessly on the floor under the kitchen table. Everyone was touching; all huddled together as they filled out the decent sized living room nicely.
I never realized it before, but I did just now.
Except for me and Dillon not being on the best of terms, us girls we’re the six chicks.
The six chicks down with the six dicks.