Mixed

Getting to the show is the main priority for me and Brit. We had been planning this for some time and now our plotting was coming to fruition. This night has been two years in the making. We’re finally getting to see Avenged Sevenfold. Eight hours in a car, numb asses, four packs of cookie dough, and 24 cans of Sprite drops us straight at the doors of the concert. Literally, we’re the first ones here. We’re just cool like that.

The line slowly fills in as people get off work or kids get out of school. We make friends with the people in line around us. Fred and Drake are the gay couple who flew from Alberta, Canada for this show. Mary is the 50-year-old soccer mom who brought her twin 17-year-old girls. Mary is rockin out in a Cannibal Corpse T-shirt, while her girls are each repin some old school rap- one in a Wu Tang Clan shirt and the other has Dr. Dre’s face plastered on her tits. The other people in line are lame compared to our new group of friends.

"No really! I rolled up on him and went into this crazy ass speech, yelling about how I was tired of Asians ‘always bitchin when they ain’t got it hard for shit. Naw dawg, dese broke ass chinks need ta stop actin a foo’.' His eyes got so wide and he had no clue what to say to me. ‘Sh’all is bruh, I’m finin da pop a cap in dey ass.'" Mary smiles while telling us about her encounter with some gang members. "They shut up right quick and walked away muttering about crazy Asians. It was wonderful." Her kids are in tears, obviously remembering the event.

"Mary, we need to hang out sometime. I want video footage of you and your antics." We exchange numbers quickly. The doors open, stemming the flow of conversation. Silently, we make the agreement to stick together as we all have floor tickets.

Once we find a spot to chill in, we circle up and start talking again.

"I can’t wait! The bass is gonna be awesome! Oooo with The Rev’s double kick bass. Be still my heart!" I pretend to faint into Brit. She just pushes me off. "Jerk."

"Oh shut up you loser." She then smirks, "I can’t wait to see Brian in all his glory. His musckles!" She licks her lips staring off a bit. Mary shakes her head at us. "It’s not my fault he one sexy piece-a ass. I’m merely giving him the admiration he deserves."

"Speaking of sexy asses..... I’m getting a picture or 30 of Jason’s delicious candy ass." I rise up on my toes and look around the edge of the stage, hoping to see him. Fred and Drake each give an ‘Amen honey’ and help me look. I catch the look on Brit’s face and have to do a double take. "What?" I ask of her blank, yet ‘what-the-fuck’ stare.

"Delicious candy ass?"

I nod, "He has one. And I wanna touch it. I’m not getting my hopes up. I mean, I can settle for pictures." I keep searching for him, "this time at least." I turn back to her with an innocent grin.

"Girl please, you’ll be touching it if we can figure out how to get back stage. He probably won’t be comfortable with two gay men rubbing his tight ass so you’ll have to be our hands." Fred bites his lip, clearly thinking about Jason naked. Like I am.

The music starting cuts off our conversation. The concert is worth the wait and numbed ass. Our group seems to catch everything the band throws into the audience. Cat and Alexa, the twins, walk away with The Revs drum sticks and set lists. Fred and Drake are clutching desperately to a sweaty towel that Matt tossed into the crowed. Mary and I each got guitar pics from Johnny and Zacky, and Brit got Brian’s shirt. We’re still not sure how she managed that one. No one saw him take it off.

Mary talks the security guards into letting us wait on the gate as they clear everyone out. I take this chance to sneak pictures of Jason while he dismantles the drum set. Brit rests next to me, pretty much dead on her feet. Fred and Drake come back grinning.

"Sodomy is illegal boys." They glare at Mary who just smiles sweetly back at them. I love her. Dearly.

"We are private sex people, thank you Virgin Mary," Drake pokes her cheek. "But we do have news-"

"We met Matt Berry and he told us to come get you guys so he can take us back stage," Fred cuts his lover off excitedly. Brit and I scream ‘my sex’ loudly, attempting to drag the guys to the backstage entrance. Cat says something about us needing meds, but we ignore her.

Soon, we are standing in the Avenged dressing room chatting it up with the band. I’m trying to get Jimmy to let me rub the nipples of the naked lady he has tattooed on his back. Matt already let me poke his dimples- which he hated- and I tweaked Brian’s nose too (he has a cute one!). I start begging, even sinking so low as to drop to my knees and hug his legs. Jimmy’s in hysterics. His laughter only increases when I squeak as someone picks me up. I squeeze my eyes shut and hang on for dear life as I’m transported to another spot. I get some mean vertigo when I’m too far off the ground.

I’m dropped beside Brit, who is talking to Matt Berry. My kidnapper? Jason Berry. Yes, I swooned. They pull me into their conversation quickly. I’m lost for a few minutes since Jason is standing uncommonly close to me. More than once I have to stop myself from grabbing his ass or feeling his muscles. This man is taunting me. I swear he is. I finally make myself focus when the twins’ attention is captivated by Fred and Drake.

"I still can’t believe you said delicious candy ass," She mutters from beside me.

"He has one," I shrug nonchalantly, not caring that he’s less than two feet from me.

"Meh, Brian’s arms are better."

"Oh yeah right! He looks like has two huge bag of oranges in his triceps and biceps! You can’t compare Jason’s delectable apple bottom to Brian’s orange like arms! That’s comparing apples and oranges. Which isn’t a fair comparison. I thought you learned that in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL." This leads into an argument about Brian’s arms and Jason’s ass.

The band and our new friends watch in amusement as we each list the benefits of our respective choices and point out flaws in the other’s. This continues until Jason and Brian- who is blushing- step in. Brian politely asks us to stop talking about him like he’s a piece of meat. We both ‘aw’ him and kiss his cheeks, making him blush more.

"Lyndsey, if you’re that dead set on my ass being perfect, I can show you." Jason smirks slipping an arm around my shoulders.

"Let’s go!" I squeal as he starts to lead me from the room. Inside, I’m doing my happy dance. I’m fairly certain that I am about to get sexed by THE Jason ‘JB Diz’ Berry. This trip couldn’t get any better.

"Whoa! Hold it right there. Lyndsey, you are NOT about to give it up to him, are you?" I give Brit an innocent look. "Oh HELL no! You’ve been doing well so far, you are waiting like you planned. I’m not letting you make that mistake." She yanks me away from Jason, making me stand beside her.

"What the hell?! I can fuck him if I want! And I’m older than you, so who are you to tell me what to do?"

She looks at me and dryly replies, "Your conscience."

"I never said I was going to fuck her." Brit glares at him. "Okay, so that was my plan, but I never said it." I smack my forehead and groan. This sets her off and we start arguing. Again. I can tell everyone is watching us like the championship ping pong match. Back and forth, back and forth. Like a freakin metronome.

Mattie randomly breaks into our argument, "Lyndsey, are you on the pill?"

"No," I answer. Shooting him a confused look, I return to my fight with Brit. I can feel Jason’s eyes traveling over my body. Which I don’t mind at all.

"Jason! Quit looking her up and down like that! You are NOT getting her pregnant!" Mattie’s exclamation startles Brit and I out of our argument. Mary cracks up while the rest just snicker behind their hands.

"I want mixed babies damn it! Besides, if I have babies with her, I know they’ll be good looking." He says this so nonchalantly that I almost faint. This makes everyone else lose it. Drake leans against the wall cackling with Fred holding onto him, bawling from laughter. Alexa and Cat are on the floor literally rolling and gasping for air.

"Bro, I want good-looking mixed kids too, but you don’t see me looking at Brit like she’s a piece of meat," Mattie scoffs as Brit’s eyes widen. "At least get to know her first. Sheesh."

Brit and I share a scared glance. What the hell just happened? Jason sighs dramatically before pulling me over to the couch. I can see Mattie shake his head while he goes back to talking to Brit. CONSPIRACY!

"Apparently, I have to know you before I fuck you and make pretty mixed babies." He rolls his eyes. "I don’t see why we can’t do this after we know your bakin a bun; we’d have the rest of our lives. But whatever. Get to talkin!" I stare at him. Oh lord.