Half Life
Monday 8th June 2009
I cannot live like this anymore. I cannot live in this pretend world of empty promises and past loves anymore. There is nothing I can find solace in anymore.
Today is the 102nd anniversary of the death of my husband, Jonathan Harker, the only man that has ever truly loved me. Since that life ended, I have loved but twice more, both unrequitedly. It seems that my heart longs for forbidden fruit, for men that she cannot have.
The first of these two loves was one, Rupert Galvin, a self proclaimed "demon-smiter" that I had known since his early twenties. He was married, as I had been, and loved his wife whole-heartedly. So much so, that he would not spare so much as a glance for me. He was young and affectionate, handsome and cunning. He had boundless energy and wit. That was, until the death of his wife.
It was at the hands of a loathsome half-life names Mr Tibbs, that she met her death. An awful concoction of man and rat, he stole her away from Galvin and tortured her with his "experimentation" until she died. Galvin was much too late to save his wife, as I had been much too late to save my husband.
Love, does terrible things to the heart, whether that be human or half-life, like my own. He became bitter about her death, a personal vendetta against every half-life on the face of the Earth emerged, regardless of which side they alligned themself with. He began to drink far too much, become brash and arrogant. Insufferable.
Yet still I loved him, clinging on to the hope that he might one day return this love. It was not to be. He viewed me as a captive beast, a weapon to be used and abused as he saw fit, then destroyed at the first sign of rebellion. I knew that the moment my usefulness ended, he would have Luke kill me like a common criminal, a traitor, an enemy, as his Great-Great Grandfather has executed my Sire.
I fled.
It was the only thing I could do, to run from them. I heard whispers of a Coven, where I would be safe from harm, safe from my own heart. Indeed, I did find friendship, safety, perhaps meaning again. But once again, the feelings of my own heart have destroyed it. I have fallen, yet again, for the forbidden fruit.
The moment I met Marius, I knew that my life would not be the same. I was not used to being treated as an equal anymore. For over a hundred years, since Jonathan's death, I had been viewed as either a monstrosity or a cripple. Something to be hated or something to be pitied. Perhaps it was the shock of beig treated this way, but bit by bit, I found myself falling in love with Marius.
Things went extremelly downhill for me with the return of his lost love, Armand, or Amadeo or whoever he is. Watching him steal away any chance I had of finding love once again was hard, but yet another necessity that must be endured. The closer the anniversary of Jonathan's death crept, the more alone I became.
Last night, in a fit of tears and hundred-year-old emotions, I accidentally made Marius aware of my love. So I fled, as I had before, but this time not to save myself. This time it was to spare him the embarassment, the upset that he did not need. I wouldn't ruin his happiness.
Where am I going?
The only place I can go... Back to Galvin.
Today is the 102nd anniversary of the death of my husband, Jonathan Harker, the only man that has ever truly loved me. Since that life ended, I have loved but twice more, both unrequitedly. It seems that my heart longs for forbidden fruit, for men that she cannot have.
The first of these two loves was one, Rupert Galvin, a self proclaimed "demon-smiter" that I had known since his early twenties. He was married, as I had been, and loved his wife whole-heartedly. So much so, that he would not spare so much as a glance for me. He was young and affectionate, handsome and cunning. He had boundless energy and wit. That was, until the death of his wife.
It was at the hands of a loathsome half-life names Mr Tibbs, that she met her death. An awful concoction of man and rat, he stole her away from Galvin and tortured her with his "experimentation" until she died. Galvin was much too late to save his wife, as I had been much too late to save my husband.
Love, does terrible things to the heart, whether that be human or half-life, like my own. He became bitter about her death, a personal vendetta against every half-life on the face of the Earth emerged, regardless of which side they alligned themself with. He began to drink far too much, become brash and arrogant. Insufferable.
Yet still I loved him, clinging on to the hope that he might one day return this love. It was not to be. He viewed me as a captive beast, a weapon to be used and abused as he saw fit, then destroyed at the first sign of rebellion. I knew that the moment my usefulness ended, he would have Luke kill me like a common criminal, a traitor, an enemy, as his Great-Great Grandfather has executed my Sire.
I fled.
It was the only thing I could do, to run from them. I heard whispers of a Coven, where I would be safe from harm, safe from my own heart. Indeed, I did find friendship, safety, perhaps meaning again. But once again, the feelings of my own heart have destroyed it. I have fallen, yet again, for the forbidden fruit.
The moment I met Marius, I knew that my life would not be the same. I was not used to being treated as an equal anymore. For over a hundred years, since Jonathan's death, I had been viewed as either a monstrosity or a cripple. Something to be hated or something to be pitied. Perhaps it was the shock of beig treated this way, but bit by bit, I found myself falling in love with Marius.
Things went extremelly downhill for me with the return of his lost love, Armand, or Amadeo or whoever he is. Watching him steal away any chance I had of finding love once again was hard, but yet another necessity that must be endured. The closer the anniversary of Jonathan's death crept, the more alone I became.
Last night, in a fit of tears and hundred-year-old emotions, I accidentally made Marius aware of my love. So I fled, as I had before, but this time not to save myself. This time it was to spare him the embarassment, the upset that he did not need. I wouldn't ruin his happiness.
Where am I going?
The only place I can go... Back to Galvin.
♠ ♠ ♠
(OOC: If you want to find out what's happening to Mina, you must read this journal as I will not be roleplaying on The Coven's forums for a while).