Not That Perfect

We were silent for a while. It wasn’t an awkward type of silence though, it was just a pause that you need while you think about what else to say. Honestly though, the quiet was something that I savored. Around Morgan and Austin, there is always someone talking. And my mom won’t ever shut up at my house. I don’t get any quiet anymore.

I looked over at Connor, watching as he started to drum some tune out on the dashboard, “What’s that?” I whispered, not meaning to actually say anything out loud. Connor looked over at me for a moment, a confused look in his eyes, “That tune that you were playing?” I asked, nodding over at his still drumming hands.

“Oh,” He laughed, “Just something that I was listening to earlier..” Connor pushed a CD into his car as he spoke, nodding when the right track came on. James Taylor quickly filled the car. I smiled as his song, Fire and Rain, started to play, “You know this song?” He asked, shocked as I started to sing along with the CD.

I nodded, “Yeah, of course.” I answered, closing my eyes for a moment. I hadn’t heard this song for such a long time, “I love this song.” I added, my voice now barely above a whisper.

It took a moment for me to realize that I was having difficulties breathing. I started to gasp as I inhaled, my breaths becoming short and desperate. I placed a hand on my heart, feeling as my eyes started to widen in my horror. “Rae?” Connor asked, his tone panicked, “R-Rae, are you ok?” He asked, pulling over and turning towards my body.

“I-I can’t-t b-breath,” I gasped.

“Are you choking?” He asked, his tone terrified. I shook my head no, closing my eyes as my breath started to come more naturally. I felt as my eyes started to sting, quickly shutting my eyes to stop the tears from falling. Not again. I thought to myself, taking a couple of deep breaths.

I was grateful when Connor didn’t say anything. He kept his body turned towards me, hopefully just to make sure that I wasn’t going to pass out or anything, but I didn’t mind that. Connor didn’t say anything at I kept my eyes closed, waiting for me to say that I was ok. He kept the music playing, James Taylor’s voice slowly calming me down.

“Shit.” I finally said, opening my eyes to grin over at Connor, “You weren’t supposed to see me like that,” I laughed as his eyes grew wide, a shocked expression spread across his face, “You know, I probably have to kill you now. I’ve never cried in front of someone like that, let alone twice.”

“What the hell was that?” Connor yelled, ignoring my playfulness. He looked horrified, “Are you dying or something?”

I shook my head, “Nope.” I answered simply, not knowing how I could explain it.

That was my dad’s song. Every night when I was little he sang it to me, making it impossible not to think of him whenever that chorus filled my ears.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, dropping my head into the palms of my hands, “I didn’t mean to do that..” My voice sounded ashamed. I couldn’t believe that I put Connor through that, worrying him multiple times with my sorrow. I’ve known him for such a small amount of time, he didn’t deserve to be burdened with my actions.

“Of course you didn’t mean to.” He said, starting the car up once again.

“Can you not take me home?” I asked, watching as we got closer and closer to my street. Connor looked over at me, surprised, “I’m sorry. I just don’t really want to go back home quite yet.” I looked over at him pleadingly until he finally nodded, switching on the turn signal and heading down some unknown street. I didn’t ask where we were going. I didn’t need to know.

Actually, I didn’t really care.

A few minutes later we arrived at the park that I had first seen Connor, but he didn’t stop in the parking lot, like I had thought he would. Instead he continued driving until he got to a small, dirt road that I hadn’t noticed before. He stopped a good ten minutes later when we arrived at a small, grass field, “You’ll like it here.” Connor whispered as he jumped out of his car, slamming the car door before he even finished his sentence.

Quietly, I followed him, jumping out of the car and running over to where he was walking. Connor motioned for me to follow him and we both started to walk towards a large tree some ways down the field. As we got closer, I heard the sound of flowing water, causing my lips to turn up into a smile, “I come here when I need to be alone,” Connor whispered, quickening his pace, “It's perfect..”

He brought me beneath the trees, the long branches becoming something like a roof over us. The old ash tree hung over a small stream, the water sometimes spraying us when it passed by. “Wow,” I whispered, looking down to see Connor already sitting on the lush grass.

I walked over to the stream for a moment, looking down at the trickling water. The small stream was stunning. A few rays of sunshine bounced off the clear reflection, making certain parts of the flowing water sparkle. I stared down at the water for a while, happy that Connor had brought me away to this place, away from all the stress in my life.

It felt good to be able to get away.

“Rae?” I heard Connor ask, making me turn around to greet his confused face, “What are you doing?” He asked, leaning forward to see if I was ok, “You’re not going to freak out again, are you?”

I shook my head, “No, don’t worry. I’m just thinking..” I looked back down at the water before I walked away, sitting down next to Connor.

“You need to talk?” He asked, leaning back on his elbows as he looked over at me. I shook my head, not wanting to spill what I couldn’t stop thinking about. Something are better left unsaid, “Oh, well,” Connor whispered, running his fingers through his shaggy, black hair, “I’m here if you need to talk.”

I looked over at Connor, a small smile appearing on my face. I nodded at him, not knowing what to say to him. He was someone that I felt good around, one of the few people that have seen me upset. I felt closer to him after two months then I ever did around any of my old guy friends.

It was a shame that my Morgan, Austin, and them hated him so much.

“Thanks Connor.” I whispered.