Bittersweet
004
I got home that night and crawled into bed. Bringing my knees to my chin I sat with my toes just under the covers, contemplating much.
How could it be that someone who cared about me could hurt me this way? He often told me I deserved it, that I did something wrong. That it was all my fault. I had begun to believe that, but deep down I new it wasn’t true. It had been nearly two years of us together and I loved Jaden with all my heart, but something felt wrong. Still I couldn’t find it in my heart leave him; he meant so much to me.
More months passed. I learned to hide my injuries well. At one point Jaden cracked a bone in my wrist. Luckily, I was able to blame it on falling down the stairs and landing wrong. My parents didn’t know I hadn’t fallen but been pushed. With four siblings, it’s easy to see why my parents didn’t notice that anything was going on. One sister of mine was in college, while an older brother was getting ready next year. Then with two children under twelve their days were filled with life. I didn’t want to add another problem onto their shoulders.
So I suffered alone, with only the snippets of safe havens with the man I could almost remember. And then it happened.
I had a dentist’s appointment during lunch and I had forgotten to tell Jaden. The whole time I was in the waiting room my legs swung impatiently and I fidgeted all over. I just knew what was going to happen when I saw him again. As a reflex, my body prepared for a hit before I could tell it, “no not yet.” Anxiously, I went through the cleaning and such until I was able to drive back to school. On second thought I decided I wasn’t ready to face him today and drove home.
How could it be that someone who cared about me could hurt me this way? He often told me I deserved it, that I did something wrong. That it was all my fault. I had begun to believe that, but deep down I new it wasn’t true. It had been nearly two years of us together and I loved Jaden with all my heart, but something felt wrong. Still I couldn’t find it in my heart leave him; he meant so much to me.
More months passed. I learned to hide my injuries well. At one point Jaden cracked a bone in my wrist. Luckily, I was able to blame it on falling down the stairs and landing wrong. My parents didn’t know I hadn’t fallen but been pushed. With four siblings, it’s easy to see why my parents didn’t notice that anything was going on. One sister of mine was in college, while an older brother was getting ready next year. Then with two children under twelve their days were filled with life. I didn’t want to add another problem onto their shoulders.
So I suffered alone, with only the snippets of safe havens with the man I could almost remember. And then it happened.
I had a dentist’s appointment during lunch and I had forgotten to tell Jaden. The whole time I was in the waiting room my legs swung impatiently and I fidgeted all over. I just knew what was going to happen when I saw him again. As a reflex, my body prepared for a hit before I could tell it, “no not yet.” Anxiously, I went through the cleaning and such until I was able to drive back to school. On second thought I decided I wasn’t ready to face him today and drove home.