I Found You, Something Told Me To Stay.

I sat back in my chair staring at the screen of the computer. I didn’t know what to do; I sat there shocked and confused. My brother had messaged me, my brother. I haven’t seen him or my Mom since I was in grade eight, that’s when Mom disappeared with Kade. Hope filled me and I hit reply. <Kade? It’s Jayda, I know who you are. Where are you? Where’s Mom?> I typed. I had so much more to ask but I refrained. I hit the send button and then shut my computer off.
I finished my homework then slowly opened my bedroom door. There was no sign of Dad so I went back to my room and grabbed some clothes. I ran to the bathroom and shut and locked the door behind me.
When I was done showering, I blow dried my hair and put on my clothes. I set my dirty clothes in the laundry basket and opened the door. Dad was coming down the hall; I froze then focused my gaze on the floor and walked back to my room. He ignored me and I shut my door. I dropped onto my bed and picked up my CD walkman. I turned it on and closed my eyes.
I slowly opened my eyes when I heard faint noises that weren’t coming from my CD walkman. I glanced down and noticed Dad sitting on the edge of my bed. There were tears running freely down his face, I frowned at him and sat up. I paused the song and pulled the headphones off.
“Dad?” I asked uncertainly. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m sorry.” He sobbed running his fingers down the side of my face.
I didn’t understand, he was never like this. He never ever cried let alone apologized for anything.
“It’s alright.” I told him taking his hand.
“No it’s not, it’s not okay. I’m hurting and I’m hurting you.” He replied shaking his head.
“I understand Dad, its okay, really it is.”
But it wasn’t okay and I didn’t understand. I mean wives leave their husbands all the time and they don’t turn abusive.
“How can you understand?” He yelled and I cringed. He immediately looked ashamed. “What have I done?” Dad cried.
I stared at him, watching him breakdown in front of me not knowing what to say. Dad gathered me into his arms and hugged me tight to his chest. I froze, scared of what he’s do next.
“Please forgive me. I don’t know why I’m like I am, I really don’t.” He whispered.
I felt tears come to my eyes. Maybe I should tell him about Kade? I thought but something told me that it wouldn’t help and I wasn’t going to push my luck.
“It’s alright Dad.” I repeated trying to give him some sort of comfort, some sort of reassurance.
“I love you Jayda. I promise you I love you.” Dad said and kissed the top of my head then let me go.
I love you too Dad.” I lied. Or did I? I didn’t know if I did love him or not. I mean he is my father, but what kind of father does to their kids what my Dad did.
Dad got off my bed and silently walked out of my room shutting the door behind him. I looked at my clock, it was eight. I set my walkman down on the floor and walked over to my computer. I sat at my desk and turned it on. My heart started to race when I noticed an email in my inbox. I clicked on the message and scrolled down to read it. <This is really my baby sister? Wow, this is amazing! I’m back in Phoenix, I came back to see if you were still there. Where are you? Mom is in San Diego, we moved there when she left with me. I miss you so much!> San Diego? That isn’t far from here. I thought. Fuck I missed them! For the second time tonight I hit the reply button.
<No, we moved a couple weeks ago to Huntington Beach. I miss you too! I can’t believe that you found me, why did you leave?> I sent the message and exited out of my email.
I was confused, upset and afraid. I didn’t understand. I had so many questions. Why had Mom left, why had she taken Kade and not me and why she didn’t stay in touch? I laid down on my bed and curled into a ball. What was wrong with Dad? What made him snap, why all of a sudden is he finally breaking? Will it last? I let the tears fall and closed my eyes trying to escape reality.