He's a Handsome Woman

“Jon?” Sisky started tentatively.

“Mhm?” Jon mumbled into his pillow. He was tired still.

“When did you get boobs?”

That woke Jon up.

He opened his eyes, looking at Sisky, who was sat on the edge of the bed, looking over at him. Sisky had a look on his face that was filled with confusion and something Jon wasn’t sure about.

“So, when did you get boobs?” Sisky repeated.

“What?” Jon said, then brought a hand to his mouth. Ok, his voice was never that high. “My… what the fuck happened to my voice?”

“I think the voice is the least of your worries. Jon, look down.”

Jon did and saw a body that he did not expect to see. Breasts stood out on his chest, he saw curves and as he put a hand down slowly…

Penis 0, Vagina 1.

This was not a good start to the day.

“Jon, Jon are you ok?” Sisky asked, worried about the bassist as he (she?) started to hyperventilate. “Jon, breathe with me.” Sisky tried to slow Jon’s breathing down and did it in one of the only ways he found effective when dealing with Jon.

He pressed his lips on the bassist’s and immediately, Jon’s breathing calmed.

--==8==--

“Why did this happen to me?” Jon said, a cross between a whine and a whimper. She looked at her smaller hands, and threw her head back onto Sisky’s chest. “Why not Ryan, Brendon or Spencer?”

“Why those three? You could be cursing me to have boobs.” Sisky chuckled.

“Because Ryan and Spencer are curvy and bitchy enough to be girls, Brendon totally has the ass for it, and I wouldn’t curse you to have boobs. You’re my boyfriend.”

“Fair enough.” Sisky kissed her head. “We’re going to have to tell them though. I mean, you can’t exactly not.”

“I know.” Jon said. “I need clothes. New clothes, I don’t think any of mine will fit.”

Sisky’s eyes lit up. “I can totally dress you! You’ll look really hot!” Sisky got up gently, not wanting to bash Jon around, and he ran over to their closet. “I’m sure I can find something in here for you.”

“This is where your really gay side is going to come out isn’t it?” Jon asked, staying on the bed, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them.

Sisky poked his head out of their joint walk in closet and winked. “You know it is.” Sisky walked back in.

“Adam, isn’t this weird for you? Your boyfriend just became your girlfriend and all you’re worrying about is what I’m going to wear?”

Sisky walked back out. “You’re still the Jon Walker I’ve known for years. Still the same person who was our bass tech, who filmed the first series of TAI TV for us, is Panic At The Disco‘s awesome bassist, and is the person I fell in love with at first sight.” He kissed Jon gently.

“But, I’m a fucking girl! I have to be on some really weird trip or something, because this just doesn’t happen!”

“Jon, babe, I’m going to be with you through this. Do you wanna let anyone know?”

Jon thought about this. She didn’t want to leave this house, hell this room even. But on the other hand, her band mates deserved to know. She couldn’t lie to them. She couldn’t handle Spencer’s bitch face.

“I think they should know.” She told him. “And you should ring William and the others, get them over here.”

“You sure you wanna tell Bill and the guys?”

Jon nodded. “I’ve known them for years, they’re all as good friends to me as Brendon, Spencer and Ryan. I want to tell them.”

“Ok babe.” Sisky kissed her head before going back into the closet.

Jon chewed on a nail nervously before standing up and walking to the mirror. She wanted to know what she looked like now.

In different ways, she looked the same and different at the same time. Her facial features had softened, and she had amazing cheekbones now. Her eyelashes looked longer, although she never really cared how long they were before so maybe they were the same. Her hair had grown longer, below her shoulders (how she didn’t realise that first when she woke up was beyond her) and the beard that had previously been there was now clean skin.

Her Adam’s apple was gone, just smooth skin there. And she had nice curves. She was never stick thin like Ryan, but she wasn’t big either, and it stayed with her in this body. Her chest stuck out but not too far. They weren’t huge, but she was going to have a hard time concealing them.

“Jon, I was thinking-” Sisky started as he walked out the closet but stopped when he saw Jon in front of the mirror, a hand touching it, then touching her face. He walked over to her and took her hands into his. “It’s going to be ok.”

“How?” Jon fell into Sisky’s arms, sobbing.

“I’m here Jon, I’ll always be here.” Sisky stroked her hair, soothing her as he walked her over to the bed. When he sat down, Jon threw herself into Sisky’s lap, sobbing into his neck.

--==8==--

“No, Ross, this isn’t a joke.” Sisky pinched the bridge of his nose. “Jon turned into a girl.”

“Riiight.” Ryan said down the phone, all the way from Vegas. “Sisky, it’s way too early to be making prank calls like this.”

“It’s not a prank call, damn it!” Sisky almost shouted. Talking to Ryan Ross when he had no morning coffee in his system was dangerous. He was an even bigger bitch than usual. “We went to bed last night, Jon had a dick. When I woke up, he had boobs.” Ryan was silent on the other end of the phone.

“Call me when you’re gonna be sensible.” Ryan hung up.

“Jon, your guitarist is a bitch in the morning.” Sisky called to the kitchen.

“He’s a bitch most of the time. Wait until we get a tour together. You have it easy with your band.” Jon said, making coffee. “Try Brendon.”

“I was going to.” Sisky said as he picked Brendon’s number out of Jon’s phone and dialled it on his own.

“Sisky biz!” Brendon said as he answered the phone. “Shouldn’t you be having morning sex with Jon?”

“Uh…” Sisky was shocked that Brendon was so hyper already, and it was only 7am in Vegas. “Have you had red bull already?”

“Yeah, soon as I woke up. I’ve been up for ages.”

“I see.”

“So, what’s up? How’s Jon?”

“Well, actually, I called about Jon.”

“You didn’t sex him up so much you killed him, did you?”

“Brendon, can we not talk about mine and Jon’s sex life please?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you. Anyway, I called because when Jon woke up today… he kind of turned into a girl.” Sisky waited for Brendon to tell him to stop being ridiculous.

“Seriously? Oh my God, that’s pretty awesome.” Brendon practically squealed into Sisky’s ear. “Can I talk to him? Her? What ever, just put Jon on.”

“He sounds different-”

“I don’t care. I wanna talk to Jon.”

Sisky sighed. He got up and walked into the kitchen where Jon was about to bring him coffee. “Brendon wants to talk to you.”

“Should I?” Jon asked, biting her bottom lip.

“He’s fine with it. Just really, really hyper.” Sisky held the phone out. Jon took it slowly and carefully, like it was going to explode if she made any sudden movements.

“Brendon, hi.” She said.

“Jon? Fuck, you do sound different.”

“Yeah, I think it comes with the boobs and loss of dick.”

“Seriously, how did it happen?”

“I have no idea Bren. I just woke up like it.”

“So, I think there’s definitely something you need to try while you’re like this. I mean, you won’t get another chance once you turn back.”

“And what’s that?” Jon asked, but didn’t really want to. It was Brendon Urie, so it had to be something like-

“Multiple orgasms dude!”

Yeah, like that.

“Bye Brendon.” Jon hung up. “I’m going to hit him over the head with his guitar next time I see him.”

“Was he talking about sex?”

“How did you know?”

“One, he’s Brendon Urie. Two, he said about sex when he was on the phone to me. And three, he’s Brendon Urie.”

Jon nodded. “You’ve made your point. Have you called Spence yet?”

--==8==--

A couple of hours later, and Spencer was told of Jon’s little problem right now, and Sisky also called the rest of his band to get them round. He was certain this was going to be easier if they were in the same room. Sisky was sure that Spencer, like Ryan, didn’t believe him.

“These feel too weird.” Jon muttered. She was wearing a pair of her jeans, one of her baggiest t-shirts and one of Sisky’s hoodies. “These jeans don’t fit properly.”

“Jon, we can go out and get some new clothes for you.” Sisky told him.

“I don’t want to go shopping. People will recognise me.” Jon pouted and leant on Sisky’s chest.

“It’ll be alright. No one will be able to recognise you.”

“Jon, is that you?” They heard William ask. They turned and saw the rest of Sisky’s band staring at them.

“Jon, seriously, is that you? What happened?”

“Oh, no one will recognise me, will they?” Jon turned to glare at Sisky.

“Bitchface alert!” William giggled.

“Shut the fuck up Bill!”

“Seriously though dude, that face is worse than Spencer’s.” Chislett laughed.

“How did you figure out it was Jon?” Sisky asked.

“Well, we’ve been standing here for a couple of minutes.” William told them. “At first we were gonna kick your ass for cheating on Jon, but obviously, it’s not cheating.”

“Obviously.” Jon turned to look at them all.

“Is this what you wanted to talk to us about?” Butcher asked. Jon and Sisky nodded. “Have you even told your band yet?”

“Ryan and Spencer don’t believe me, Brendon just talked about having sex.”

Mike raised an eyebrow. “When doesn’t he talk about sex?”

“When he’s asleep?” Chislett asked.

Butcher snorted. “No, I bet he still does.”

“Guys, can we get back to the matter in hand?” Sisky motioned to Jon, who was biting one of her fingernails.

“Sorry.” Chislett, Butcher and Mike said.

“So, how did this happen?”

“I woke up this morning with boobs. That’s how it happened.” Jon said.

“Can I touch them?” Butcher asked.

“ANDY!” The rest of his band and Jon shouted at him.

--==8==--

A few days later, Jon was getting used to being a woman. Sisky had gone out and brought her some new jeans and a couple of bras (They had measured Jon at home, who was adamant about not leaving the house).

It was while Sisky was still out getting these that the door rung. Jon looked up from the book she was reading. Surely Sisky would use his key if that was him.

The doorbell rang again. She picked Clover off her lap and held the cat in her arms while she went to the front door.

She opened it and was shocked at who she found on the other side.

“Guys, what are you doing here?” She asked.

“Sorry, do I know you?” Ryan asked. Spencer and Brendon stood next to him.

“Jon? That you dude?” Brendon asked.

“Uh, yeah. You wanna come in? Adam’s out right now.”

“You’re really Jon?” Spencer asked as they walked in. Jon nodded. “Whoa.”

“Yeah, try being me. You’ll get ‘whoa’ then.” Jon muttered, setting Clover on the floor and looking at them. “Do you want a coffee or anything?”

“Red bull?” Brendon asked.

“NO!” Ryan and Spencer both shouted.

“He had enough on the flight up here. Don’t give him any more.” Ryan said.

“Sorry dude, they’ve spoken.” Jon said. “I can do you a decaf coffee?”

Brendon snorted. “I’ll pass. Decaf’s shit.”

“You didn’t seem to care when Ryan and I replaced all the normal coffee with decaf on the last tour.” Jon said.

“You what?!” Brendon’s eyes widened.

“Jon, seriously, what happened to ‘I won’t tell a single person’?” Ryan glared.

The front door opened and shut. “Jon, babe, I’m back.”

“Kitchen. We’ve got people here.” Jon replied.

“If it’s The Butcher and he’s talking about groping you again, I’ll punch him.”

“Butcher asked to grope you?” Brendon said, laughing. “I hope you punched him.”

“Oh, I did.” Sisky said, walking in. He walked over to Jon and kissed her. “What brings you all the way to Chicago then?”

“Well, Ry and I didn’t believe Brendon when he said that Jon had turned into a woman, even though you rang us, so we thought we’d come prove him wrong. And it was just to visit too.” Spencer explained.

“So, what do you think then?” Jon asked.

“Well, you look alright, I guess.”

“Nice rack.” Brendon commented.

Needless to say, Jon wasn’t the only one who punched him.

“Don’t bruise me guys! I’m sensitive!” Brendon whined.

Jon snorted. “Sensitive my ass you fucker! Only one person is allowed to touch them.”

“And that, my friends, is me.” Sisky stood behind Jon and wrapped his arms around the slightly shorter woman.

“So, what are we going to do about the band?” Ryan asked as Jon passed him a cup of coffee.

“We could always tape your boobs down, and you could cut your hair or put a wig on and wear a baggy hoody.” Spencer suggested.

“Or, we could have sex.” Sisky suggested. Everyone looked at him. “What?”

“Uh, how is that an alternative?” Jon asked.

“Well, there was this thing on the internet I read a few weeks ago-”

“A thing?”

“Well, it was this story.”

“So, you think we should have sex because you read a story?” Jon asked.

“Well, it was this story where Wi- where this person turned into a girl and had sex to change back.”

“And was this person anyone who we would know?” Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Uhh… no?”

Spencer gave Sisky his best bitch face.

“Ok, it was Bill.”

“You’ve been reading fan fiction about your own band? You’ve been reading about people in your band having sex?”

“Who was it with?” Brendon asked.

“Gabe.” Sisky muttered.

“Sisky, you’re such a perv!” Jon said, slapping his arm. “I’m so telling them that.”

--==8==--

Later that week, after Spencer, Ryan and Brendon left to go back to Vegas, Jon walked into the bedroom and found Sisky lying on the bed. He had him arm over his face and was breathing deeply.

“Adam, baby are you ok?” Jon asked.

Sisky took his arm away and looked over at her. “Yeah I’m fine, why?”

“It’s just, you're breathing pretty heavy.” Jon sat on the bed.

“Well, it’s just that I’ve been thinking.” Sisky sat up and looked at Jon.

“About us having sex.”

Sisky frowned. “How’d you know?”

“Uh, I’ve known you for years. And that gives it away a little too.” Jon stroked Sisky’s erection through his jeans, making his gasp slightly.

“Yeah, I guess that does give it away.”

“So why are you still dressed?” Jon asked. Sisky frowned. “Look, you’re obviously horny, don’t think I don’t hear you jacking off in the morning, afternoon and night, and I’m horny. I don’t even know how to get myself off, it just doesn’t seem to work.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” Sisky asked.

Jon shrugged. “I guess I was hoping I would have changed back by now.” She started to take her hoody off and as she was about to take her shirt off, Sisky stopped her. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Are you sure about this? The other day, when I said about that story, I didn’t want to pressure you into sex.”

Jon just looked at him. She finished taking her shirt off and placed Sisky’s hands on her breasts. “Who’s pressuring?”

“Uh, no one?”

“Good. Now you help me get some pleasure now, because I’ve had nearly two weeks without an orgasm.”

Sisky moved his head forward and kissed Jon, still massaging her breasts. She moaned softly into the kiss and pulled him on top of her.

--==8==--

“Yeah, everything’s normal again.” Jon said, on the phone to Brendon.

“So, did he give you multiple orgasms? You gotta tell me what it was like, dude, cos-”

“Bye Brendon.” Jon put the phone down and felt hands appear around his waist. “Well hey there.”

“Hey babe.” Sisky sucked on Jon’s neck. “That was a crazy week, huh?”

Jon sighed. “I just hope that it never happens again.”

Then they both jumped as they heard the door slam shut. They looked around and saw William standing there. “Hey guys, we’ve got a little problem that you need to help us with.”

“Where the fuck are they? I want to know how to fucking change back!” They heard a woman screech. Jon and Sisky looked at each other.

A short red haired woman stormed into the kitchen, a furious look on her face. Pete walked in behind her and place his arms around her shoulders. “How do I fix this? You tell me now, Jonathan Walker!” She demanded.

“Patrick, calm down.” Pete said, kissing her cheek.

Jon and Sisky just looked at each other and burst out laughing.

End.