In This Starless City

When the show ended, it wasn’t hard to assume that Alex would be coming for me to loose his blood thirsty vengeance for my shenanigans on stage during All Time Low’s set that night. So, needless to say, I ran for my bunk on our bus like I’ve never raced for something in my entire twenty years of life.

I got to my bunk and climbed in, shoving Alex’s hoodie under the blankets and pillows and pulling the curtain shut, waiting for the rest of my band to climb on the bus and for the bus’ wheels to start rolling. We were traveling to Seattle that night and I only wanted to sleep while I could. The first night was over…and despite how jittery and nerve racking it was, it was fun and incredibly emotionally draining. I needed sleep and I needed it at that very moment.

I hoped that I would become more resilient as the tour trekked forward.

I put the ear buds for my iPod in my ears and placed my head on my pillow, allowing my eyes to slide closed. I heard the bus door open, followed by many pairs of footsteps coming into the bus, before my music started playing.

The bus rumbled to life beneath me and I could feel it moving forward. I smiled as I knew I had gotten away from Alex’s “wrath” and I pulled the curtain away from my head and face slightly to holler at the front of the bus. “Do not disturb!” and I pulled the curtain shut again.

My eyes slid closed and I was surprised how quickly and easily I fell asleep.

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The bus bumped along beneath me as I slumbered, and then, abruptly and sparking some slight hostility in me, the curtain was pulled back violently and light was cast on my face. I squinted and pulled my arm over my face, trying to protect my eyelids from the harsh brightness.

“Charlotte, are you asleep?” a male that was not my band mate asked. I blinked, my eyes not adjusting the light well, until finally I looked up through my fingers, seeing a dark figure in front of the ridiculously bright light, wearing an askew baseball cap and a sly grin. A growl escaped my throat and I let my arm flop down to my side, gazing at Jack tiredly. His grin grew more sideways. “That was a hot sound.”

I brought my hand back up to connect it with his cheek, but Jack caught my wrist and held it close to his jaw, placing a cliché kiss on it quickly. I looked at him for a long moment, wondering.

“You are impossible,” I enunciated each syllable venomously as my body ached for sleep and my heart ached when Jack’s grin grew again. My stomach rolled at how pathetic I thought myself as. “What do you want?” I tried to retain my grumpy façade in the hope that he would go away before I mortified myself further.

“I want you to get out of your bunk and come lay in the back room with me,” he says in a chipper tone and I had to keep myself from staring at him dumbly.

“What time is it?”

He drew back slightly and I knew that he had been hoping I would ask any question but that question. “It’s about ten till three,”

I gazed at him as I felt my eyes sting. “I was only asleep for two hours, Jack!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll let you go back to sleep,” he says as he reached for the curtain, looking down. But I grabbed his hand and stopped him…because I’m a pushover.

I swung my feet out of my bunk and landed on the floor with a soft thud, trying not to make a sound to keep from waking up my band mates. Their curtains were pulled so I could only assume that they were asleep…as I very well should’ve been.

“Let’s go,” he says, taking my hand and pulling me to the back room, shutting the door behind him and then going to the windows and pulling the shades down. I watched him as he went and then, he was face down on the bed, his hat falling off of his head and onto the floor.

“Tired?” I joked acrimoniously, leaning on the doorway and watching his back rise and fall.

He laughed shortly. “Yeah, I know, I woke you up dark and early, but you can go back to sleep anytime,” he looks up at me, his eyes twinkling in the dark.

I sighed and averted my gaze momentarily. “How and why are you on our bus?”

Jack rolled onto his side and hitched himself up on one elbow, picking at the calluses on the ends of his fingers. “I wanted to talk to you,”

I quirked an eyebrow and was about to question that statement, but before I could even phrase it right in my head, Jack had reached from where he was laying to grab my hand and pull me toward him and onto the bed beside him.

My heart pounded when the bed finally settled beneath us and I thought he would be able to feel it thudding through the mattress. Jack folded an arm underneath his head, placing his other hand on his stomach.

“So what did you want to talk about?” I ask, trying to break the silence that had gripped the air.

The bed shuddered under me ask Jack shrugged. “We don’t have to talk about anything,” he looked over at me and I felt his gaze, making me look at him. “I just like being around you.”

He was just saying that.

“Well, surely you have something you wanted to say,” I prod, turning onto my side and tucking my arms against my chest, my hands under the pillow that I had my cheek pressed against. Again, he only looked at me, pushing his lips out thoughtfully before giving another albeit half-hearted shrug.

“How have you not passed out already?” I found myself desperately trying to fill the awkward air. I didn’t know what would happen if there wasn’t conversation. “I mean, after such a show? You’ve got to be exhausted.”

“Oh, I am,” he says breathlessly. “I could pass out right here right now if I closed my eyes for too long. Thankfully though, I’ve got you to keep me awake.” he smiled at me and I looked at him confusedly. “It’s tough closing my eyes on such a beautiful sight.?”

He was just saying that too.

I gulped inaudibly and thanked the darkness for covering up the blush that was taking over my face.

“So,” I murmured, my vocal chords tight. “What’s the real reason you’re on my bus?”

He laughed and looked at me. “You’re not buying all of the sweet things I’m telling you as the real reasons?” He asks and my heart dropped to my pelvis somewhere as I shook my head collectedly. “Okay, Alex sent me over here to get his hoodie because he doesn’t think you got rid of it the way you did.”

“Well, you can tell him that some fan girl is casting love juju on it somewhere far away from us as we speak,” I say bitterly, rolling onto my back and crossing my arms over my chest and staring at the ceiling.

“Okay,” Jack says easily. “Now that that’s checked off the list, can I go back to saying sweet and sometimes inappropriate things to you? Because that was fun,” I rolled my eyes. “And because I like it when I make you blush.”

My heart leapt all the way to my throat and I had to look at him. “You are…” I trailed off, not picking up an appropriate adjective in that particular situation quickly. Instead, I just shook my head.

“The boy of your wildest dreams?” he finishes my thought vainly and I laughed aloud.

“Not quite, but nice try.” I looked up at the dark ceiling, blinking slowly as my eyes burned from being so tired.

He looked me over. “Are you happy?”

“What?” I questioned, caught slightly off guard.

“Are you happy?” he didn’t rephrase, enunciate, or change the tone of his voice whatsoever. The only difference was that he was no leaning over me on his elbow, gazing down while I gazed up.

I should’ve felt trapped and in any other place and time I would have, but for some unknown reason, I didn’t feel constricted in that moment. Because it was Jack in front of me…and that scared the hell out of me.

“Yes, I am.” I answer easily and he leaned his head to the side slightly.

“Don’t lie to me,” he challenges and my jaw snapped shut. “Are you saying that you’re completely, one hundred percent happy with where you are in your life at this very moment?”

I thought about it for a moment, trying to iron out any loopholes in his question. Anything that would’ve pinned me against a figurative wall and that would’ve helped him see straight through more easily than he obviously already could. But the weird thing was that there weren’t any hidden ideas in his words. They were poignant and genuine and I found solace in them.

“Yes, I really am saying that.” I say again, stronger this time and to my surprise, after a few seconds of searching my face for any hint of fallacy, Jack was back down beside me and resumed his original relaxed position. “What was that about?”

He chuckled. “I don’t know,” he says. “You seemed desperate for some real conversation and that was the first question to come to my mind,”

Damn. He really could see straight through me. Was I really that simply figured out?

I made an ‘o’ sound and picked my finger nails.

“I’m having a hard time figuring you out, to be honest.” Jack adds after a minute of quietness. Was he a damn mind reader? Okay, I’m considering covering a Kanye West song during our next set. What are your opinions, Jack? “There’s just something about you.”

“Okay, forget that idea.” I said under my breath.

“What was that?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say quickly. “Well, what is it about me that confuses you so?”

“Just…” he trailed off, his eyes fixated on my face. “…you.”

His eyes suddenly lacked the luster that they had had earlier. Fatigue struck me hard as I looked up at Jack’s complicated but relaxed face in that moment and when I yawned, he smiled at me. “Tired?” he asks ironically.

“Very,” I say, my eyelids feeling like lead weights had been hooked onto each of them. I snuggled into the pillow and closed my eyes. “You?”

He nodded. “And looking at how tired you are doesn’t help,” he says as he, too, snuggled into the mattress.

“Do you want me to go back to my bunk so that you can have this bed to yourself?” I ask, my voice thick with exhaustion and already drifting slightly. I heard him hum a negative response. “Are you going to go to the couch in the front of the bus or would you rather take my bunk?”

“Neither,” he answers, his voice raspy and I knew that he was on the brink of sleep as well.

“Are you going to stay here tonight?” I ask, not being able to help but smile as I did so. He hummed yes. “And you want me to stay with you?”

“Why would and how could I pass up an opportunity to get in bed with you?” he responds.

I laughed tiredly. “Hands to yourself, Barakat.” I say shortly and I could tell that I wouldn’t be awake much longer.

“No promises made, Connery,” he replied. I pinched his arm and heard him yelp. “Okay, okay.” I grinned as I relaxed my hand, leaving it—unknowingly—on Jack’s upper arm where I had pinched him. “Goodnight, Charlotte,” he whispers and I was out within seconds of hearing that.