In This Starless City

The next morning was excruciatingly painful to say the least. I woke up with my temples pounding, my sinuses burning, my throat a little sore, and my stomach aching from being empty so long. I looked over at the clock beside the bed that I had not noticed the previous night to see that it was half past noon. I groaned and rolled onto my back gingerly, trying not to stir my alcohol-marinated brain.

The door creaked open almost silently and Jack poked his head inside. "Permission to enter, your majesty," he says in a deep, groggy voice that didn't match his bright, adorable face whatsoever and instead sounded like it should've belonged to a mad scientist's assistant.

I laughed quietly before pressing my fists to the sides of my heads. "Permission granted," I say, my voice husky from both the alcohol and from being yelled raw from the night before.

For not being such a drinker, I could remarkably remember things from the night before, and the things I couldn’t remember vividly were merely fogged over like all it needed was a little defrost in order to be crystal clear like all the others.

But there was one thing I remembered with ease: how I felt when Jack’s arms wound around me when I had fallen backwards. Just the thought made my stomach outbreak in butterflies and I found it difficult not to squirm on the bed as he walked toward the bed and sat down.

His hands were behind his back and I looked at him with pleasant curiosity.

“I brought…” he whipped his hands around. “Coffee and aspirin.”

I grinned thankfully at him as I took the pills from his open palm and swallowed them dry. I took a long sip of coffee after and then laid my head back on the pillow, completely relaxed and completely content with the day so far.

Jack gently lay down beside me, trying not to jostle the bed and more importantly, trying not to jostle my aching head and me. He was on his side, his arm bent at the elbow and holding his head in the palm of his hand, and he was looking down at me.

My stomach growled, the muscles contracting and grinding against each other in the hollow pit of my insides, and my hands slid across my belly quickly, trying to muffle the sound as Jack tried to restrain a laugh beside me.

“How’s the hangover?” he whispers, and in doing so, he sent a hot breath over my neck and bare chest where my v-neck had slid down.

I cleared my throat and tried vainly to clear my head, straighten my thoughts. “Brutal,” I groan, pressing my knuckles against my temples and massaging in slow circles.

Jack made a pouty face. “I’m sorry,” I looked at him and he grinned while rolling his eyes. “I just mean that I wish I could find some way to help, but there’s really nothing more I can do other than coffee and aspirin at the moment.”

I nudged him in the stomach with y elbow, and it was then that I noticed just how physically close he was to me on the bed. I only slid my elbow across the mattress a few centimeters in order to meet his middle, and when I had pulled it back, I could still feel his body heat on my skin.

The butterflies evolved into small reptilian creatures, scurrying across my insides excitedly.

And as I lay there, got to think about the previous night again and the longer I thought about it, the more I remembered. And with a shock, I recalled what Jack had said about that floozy of an ex-girlfriend he had had.

I turned my head to look at him slowly, and to my immediate dismay, I saw that he wasn’t looking at me anymore and was looking down at his hands as he pinched and picked at the sheets of the bed instead. He was frowning and his eyes had dimmed. He looked so beaten…

On a mere whim, I slid my hand down and laced my fingers with his. His eyes were boring into mine within the second and I had to blink slowly and try not to lose my nerve.

“Are you okay?” I tried to sound as genuine as possible, but I found it difficult when every fiber of my being was completely thrilled that he was rid of that cheating old hag.

Thankfully, Jack somehow knew exactly what I was talking about so I didn’t have to go into any fine detail and risk overflowing with pure bliss on accident. “I think so,” he replied after collecting himself slightly. “I don’t know.”

I entwined my fingers a little tighter within his. “What is it?”

He gulped and looked down at me, trying to smile and joke this conversation off, but I could see the hurt swirling in those brown irises. “I don’t know, she and I had just been together for so long. It’s weird not seeing her number in my phone anymore,” his eyes shimmered with sadness, but there were no tears. “Getting texts from her and late night phone calls from her anymore.”

I ran the tips of my fingers along the knuckles of his hand that I was holding. “I can be her,” my eyes rose to his again and I felt something inflate in my chest in correspondence with the smile that spread across my face when he grinned at me.

“I’d like that,” he replied quietly.

Our eyes held contact for a few moments longer and the small reptiles racing around my stomach grew rapidly into large mammals, and in the back of my mind I was finding it harder and harder to believe why I was not shaking with inexplicable excitement.

He had moved our hands that were laced together from my side back onto my stomach, flattening them out so that his fingertips were brushing against my abdomen. I swallowed, but didn’t break eye contact. He was so close to me now that each time he inhaled, I could feel his lungs expanding against me, and every time he exhaled, I could smell mint mouthwash and his cologne.

My mind was way ahead of me and I forced myself to look away when I realized that he was leaning toward me slowly. My mind was screaming at me as I smiled and laughed lightly, unlacing my hand with his and sliding across the bed away from him until I was on the edge. I stood, slowly as to not antagonize my thundering headache, and then looked back at Jack. He was lying flat on his back, his eyes wide at the ceiling while the bottom half of his face was concealed with his hand.

“I can’t stand being this hungry anymore,” I say, trying to light the dense mood,. “Let’s go get something to eat before I start digesting my childhood memories.” I held my out in the hopes that he would take it.

And my hopes were fulfilled. He was off the bed quickly, smiling, and he took my hand in his and opened the door, pulling me behind him at a rather rapid pace at first, but then slowing down immediately when he remember my ravaging migraine.

We got downstairs and I was happy to see Alex, Rian, and Zack sitting on the couches in the living room. When I completely rounded the corner, however, I saw that a few people were still left over from the previous evening. William Beckett and Brendon Urie were sitting on the couch adjacent to the one Alex and Zack were occupying. The five of them looked at Jack and me as we walked into the room and smiled in oblivious self-assurance.

I shook my head. “No, neither of us got any this morning or last night,” I slapped Jack on the chest as I said so and our company gave a disappointed groan in joking unison.

I walked toward the kitchen, bringing Jack along behind me by the hand whether he wanted to come along or not, and I could feel him moving around, his arm jerking this way and that, and I could only assume that he was probably making obscene hand gestures toward either myself or those that were sitting in the living room.

I let go of his hand when he stopped in the archway of the kitchen. I was viciously reminded of how ravished I was when I could still smell breakfast in the kitchen, or what was left from what had been made by the boys earlier.

I searched the cupboards until I found a box of Apple Jacks. Smiling, I grabbed it and popped it open, digging inside and grabbing a handful, popping them in my mouth in little groups of two or three. I savored the delicious taste of food over the sharp taste of whiskey that was suddenly brought back to my mind, and my throat burned just at the thought of it.

Jack was leaning on the side of the arch doorway, looking at me; smiling at me.

I blushed and chewed slower, holding the box out to him. “Apple Jack?” I offered, trying not to look like a starving animal.

He walked over to me and hopped up on the counter beside where I was leaning. “I’d love some,” and he plunged his hand in the box and stuffed his mouth full of the little orange and green loops, grinning goofily at me as I laughed.

><><><

The day dragged on and my hangover didn’t start to lighten up until around seven thirty. By then, however, all the guys that were used to such reactions to alcohol were bright eyed, bushy tailed and ready to go out on the town.

I, however, was lying on my back on the couch in the living room; my head resting in the lap of William while my feet were in that of Jack’s. HI was sitting upright between the two just thirty minutes prior to then, but slowly and surely, I had fallen over in exhaustion. Not that I was complaining really; the way William was playing with my hair was putting my vicious headache at ease and the way Jack’s hand was sliding up and down my shin was making it easy for me to lose track of time, and the day seemed to be slipping away pleasantly.

I was ready for tomorrow; ready to be back in New York City, if only for a few days.

And then, Alex bounced into the room, the pounding of his feet vibrating through the floor, up the couch, and into my head. My brain rattled angrily against the cage of my skull and my headache reared its ugly head once more. I glared at Alex shortly before he started speaking.

“Let’s go out! We’re leaving Baltimore tomorrow and I don’t want to stay cooped up here,” he was already dressed for the occasion of going out and I assumed he wasn’t going to take no for an answer on his invitation.

I groaned and crossed my arms over my chest, wriggling into the couch cushions in a determined move to stay there. William chuckled as his fingers ran through my bang. I looked down away from William, my eyes connecting with Jack. He was staring at William, is eyes dark, but the moment I looked at him, they turned to me and were bright chocolate colored like they usually are. I gave him an odd look, but as William’s hand continued to move through my hair, my eyelids fluttered and closed.

I could’ve sworn that I heard someone exhale fairly heavily while my eyelids were shut.

“Alex, I don’t want to go out,” I say monotonously. I peaked on to see Alex pouting at me. “After last night, I’m in no shape to drink anymore until my birthday.”

“But that’s still a week!” Alex whined, throwing his arms down by his sides like a child.

“Thanks for reminding m,” I say. “Let me get the big red clock so we can start the countdown.”

Alex took my no for an answer, but easily convinced everyone else to go out and get wasted with him. An hour passed and all of the guys had gotten ready o leave. I, however, was right were I had been on the couch only now instead of two boys,, I as resting on pillows and had a blanket over me.

The television glowed in front of me and I didn’t even move when Alex announced their departure.

And then, Oliver, Nathan, and Brandon were in front of me, serious looks on their faces. Oliver handed me my cell phone. “If you need anything at all, you call any of us. We already programmed everyone’s numbers into contacts because we knew you’d be too proud to do it yourself.”

I nodded and dropped my cell phone on front of my chest.

“Are you sure you’re okay with staying here alone? One o us will stay if you want us to,” I looked at each of them and even though I knew they would if I asked, I could tell none of them really wanted to stay behind with me. They all wanted to get out. It was their fun to be had and not mine to snatch out from under them.

I shook my head this time. “I’ll be okay here. A television, phone, and laptop are all I need. Besides, if I get that bored, maybe I’ll clean up this pigsty or something.”

Alex grinned at me when I looked his way, and behind him, Jack hopped down te stairs, adjusting the collar of his black pinstriped shirt The way his hair was swishing across his eyes; the way his shirt rode up his belly as he raised his arms to his collar on the back of his neck; the way he smile when he caught me looking at him.

I looked away frantically, turning my attention to Brandon. He was explaining how long they’d be gone that night, but I hadn’t actually taken any of it in. Jack’s image was the only thing on my mind, though I’d admit it to no one…

“Did you hear any of that?” Brandon asks, and I looked at him, trying to control the amount of confusion that washed through my eyes.

“Yeah, you’re going to be gone all night getting trashed and hooking up with girls,” I reply, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder and sneak another glance at Jack.

“No, we’re--…”

“Don’t worry about it, Brandon,” I cut him off tiredly. “I’m twenty years old. Not fourteen and hormone-driven,” I had to fight a blush when I heard Jack chuckle behind me, specific thoughts rushing to my front mind. “I’m going to be right here on this couch when you guys get back.”

The three of them took this as a good enough excuse to stop berating me with parental-like requests. They each planted chaste kisses on my cheek like always and then walked out the door behind Alex, William, and Brendon. When I looked toward the door, only Jack was left inside the house.

“You’re going to be lonely,” he says quietly and I noticed his eyes were brimming with something. Was that…pleading?

“Nothing I haven’t experienced before,” I answer.

Jack looked at me for a long moment, his hands in the pockets of his jeans while his eyes flashed from his shoes to my face. I could tell what he was thinking or what he was going to say or do next.

Then, Alex honked the horn of the car and Jack, after sending me one last smile, walked fluidly out the door, closing it behind him

I wasn’t expecting that, I thought in surprise. But instead of lingering on that, I forced myself to watch the television screen.

An hour passed and I hadn’t moved, changed the channel on the television, and my cell phone hadn’t so much as budged from where I had placed it on the coffee table before me. The only thing that was different in me then that wasn’t before was that my eyelids were getting heavy.

I slipped into a light snooze, still hearing the sound of the television playing softly from across the room. I wondered, in my delirium, what my friends were doing. Probably playing drinking games, dancing drunkenly, and more than likely talking up girls at the bar. I could safely assume that Alex could, would, and more than likely did knock out two of those three things within the hour.

And with the thought of Alex automatically came the thought of Jack and I wondered what he was doing in that moment. Was he completely shit-faced and grinding on some Play Boy bunny look-alike? Or did he skip the middle man altogether and was he already bringing her back to the house?

His voice was ringing in my mind as clear as day and I thought I could figure out what he would be saying to her.

“God, you look so beautiful,” his voice purred in my mind and I squirmed where I was on the couch. “Shit, the things I’d do for you.” I could imagine his eyes, smoldering as he looked at her, and something boiled to life in the pit of my stomach. I was being made jealous by the workings of my own damn imagination…

“Charlotte,” Jack’s voice whirred in my subconscious and the feeling in my stomach evaporated at the sound of my name on his lips. I shifted on the cushions again. “Charlotte, wake up,” I rolled onto my back and my eyelids twitched a little, opening to see a dark silhouette standing in front of the window which was emitting orange light from the street outside. “Charlotte.”

My eyes opened and I saw Jack standing at the foot of the couch. “What are you doing here?” I ask, confused, my mind reeling.

“You talk in your sleep,” he ignores my inquiry.

I gulped. “What’d I say?” I my desire for nonchalance came out as a brittle attempt.

He shrugged and walked around the end of the sofa, taking a seat by my hip. “It wasn’t really so much talking. It was actually really sexy moanish sounds at first,” I was thankful for how dark it was in the room because I could feel my face getting warm. “But then it turned into whimpering and you looked like you were in pain.”

“Well, I’ve been hung over all day, so of course I’m in pain,” I tried to change the subject quickly.

“Are you hungry?” I was happy that he went with the change of pace. “Because I brought home some pizza for you.”

I looked at my phone to see that it was a little past one in the morning. Apparently I had dozed off longer than I had originally thought.

“Where did you manage to get pizza at one o’clock A.M.?” he had taken my hand and pulled me up from the pillow.

“Well, it’s breakfast pizza, if that makes any difference whatsoever to you,”

“Not one bit,” I smiled and let him help me to my feet. My head throbbed and I stumbled forward into his chest, squeezing my eyes closed against the pain that radiated between my ears. Jack’s arms were around me and were holding me against him just tightly enough that I would slide down this torso but loose enough that my breathing apparatus wasn’t impaired.

“Are you okay?” he asks, craning his neck back so that he could see my face that was pressed into his shirt. He smelled delicious.

“Yeah,” I say as I tried to peel myself away from him. “Still a little woozy.”

“you’re probably one of the only people I’ve ever met that’s reacted like this after drinking,” he held my hand and my arm as we walked toward the kitchen.

“Keep in mind there, Barakat, that I haven’t drank in over a year and I was downing mouthfuls of hard whiskey as opposed to bear,” Jack made an understanding humming sound. “So don’t you tell me that this isn’t completely understandable.” I gestured to my being.

He shook his head, a smile tugging at his mouth. “Well, understandable isn’t really the right term,”

I shoved him pathetically and he laughed, the sound making my organs twist and turn.

We got to the kitchen and the pizza was sitting open on the table with two-liter of ginger ale sitting next to it. Jack abandoned me and grabbed a slice, handing it to me along with a napkin before pouring me a glass of ginger ale. I smiled as he handed it to me.

“Quite the gentleman you are tonight,” I remark before taking a bite of my piece, savoring the taste and the warms as I chewed and swallowed. It was the first thing I’d eaten since those Apple Jacks that morning.

“Only to you, darling,” he smirks, taking a bite of his own slice too.

><><><><

“Okay, truth or dare,” Jack asked me.

We had migrated back to the couch and were sitting with our feet up on the table. Jack had his arm around me and was fiddling with my hair that was lying on my shoulder while I was tracing the creases in the palm of his hand that was placed on my stomach. I was so close to his chest that I could hear his heart beating behind his ribcage.

“Truth,” I answer cowardly.

“Tell me about your first boyfriend,”

I took a deep breath and held it, making a face and trying to remember back to my days in England. “His name was Matthew,” I started. “And he was sweet, honest, he’d hold my hand in public and wasn’t afraid to kiss me in front of his friends. He was everything I could’ve ever asked for in a guy and then some.”

Jack was looking at me inquisitively. “What happened?”

I inhaled deeply, frowning deeply but in a comical sense. “Sadly enough, apparently he was everything several girls could’ve asked for. And when they did ask, he was more than happy to supply,” Jack’s jaw dropped and he shook his head, looking about to burst in outrage. “Yeah, I was cheated on.”

Jack’s eyebrows knitted together and he looked at me probingly. “You seem incredibly cool about this,” he states with an odd tone. “You’re not going to be overcome with the reminder of your first love and cry yourself to sleep tonight, are you?”

I couldn’t help but laugh in Jack’s face. “No, I think you can safely assume that I’ll be sleeping soundly tonight,”

Jack grinned. “You better be because I plan on sleeping right there beside you,” he twitched his eyebrows at me absurdly and I couldn’t help the ridiculous giggle that escaped from my throat as I smacked him on the stomach with my open palm.

“Okay, Jack, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he answered.

I thought hard and then had an easy one. “Have you ever been head-over-heels in love?”

Jack looked at me for a long moment and I thought he wasn’t going to answer. “I thought I was,” his voice was quiet. “But as it turned out, one of my best friends knew the girl I loved better than I did.”

I looked away from him. “I’ll beat her up if you want me to,”

Jack grinned. “That’d be the hottest fucking thing to watch,” he breathes and I knew he wasn’t joking. “I’d prefer that over Raven football.”

I looked at him, boasting a sly smile. “I’d fuck up her world,”

“I know you would,” he paused and tilted his head back on the couch. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,”

“Have you ever been head-over-heels in love?”

He was looking at me intently like my answer was the thread that he was hanging onto while dangling on the edge of a cliff.

“Nope,” my response rolled off of my tongue like water. “Never.”

“Not even with Matt--…”

“No way,” I cut him off and Jack seemed stunned. “He was amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I was seventeen at the time and for some reason, I just wouldn’t allow myself to let him get that close to me.”

“But what about your other boyfriends?” Jack inquired. I made a face and I could feel my cheeks reddening. “You haven’t had any other boyfriends?” he asked in clear disbelief. My unresponsiveness was a dead give away. “But you’re so fucking great!”

“Well, it takes two to make a relationship, and none of the guys that found me ‘great’ were even a good on my scale,”

“So that means you’re a virgin?”

“Jack!” I exclaimed, appalled.

“What? This is truth or dare. So spill!” he was sitting forward on the couch now, his smile gleaming in the light that shone behind the couch in the foyer. I sat slouched in the shadows, shaking my head.

“Yes, I’m a virgin.” I laughed. Jack fell back into the couch, beaming. I looked at him, irritated. “That’s not fair because I know you’re not a virgin.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” he says, that adorable smile of his still plastered on his face. “Somehow.”

I looked at my phone to check the time and saw that it was a quarter after three. “We’ve been up all night,” Jack looked as I showed my phone to him. “You want to head upstairs…” his smile grew wider with anticipation. “…and go to bed?”

He hung his head. “Such a buzz kill,” he groaned as I grabbed his hand and pulled up him and he and I went to the guest bedroom and crawled under the blankets together.

And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t utterly blissful when I felt his arms snake around me as he closed his eyes.