In This Starless City

“I’ve got to be on a plane in two hours,” Jack said coarsely from my side. My response was miniscule; all I did was snuggle closer into the shaggy white carpet of my living room floor.

I wore nothing but my bra and underwear and Jack wore nothing but his boxers and a smile. My eyes were closed and I was breathing steadily (or at least trying with all my might) and I hoped Jack would fall for my sleeping act. But instead, his arm slithered across my lower back and his fingers hooked under and around my hipbone, giving me a little shake and causing my eyelids to fly open.

His lips curved upward at the blush his touch had caused.

“Your hair is really messy,” I commented quietly, finding it would’ve seemed wrong to talk at full volume at that particular moment.

This time, his cheeks flushed red and my heart swelled at the sight.

“Did you hear what I just said?” he asked, his voice stern and his eyes everything but.

I brought my arms out from under the comforter and stretched, catching Jack’s eyes slide down and then snap back up to meet my face. He didn’t want to be distracted, apparently. “I don’t want to hear about it right now,” I admit in one breath, pulling a throw pillow off of the couch and tucking it under my cheek. “Just…give me half an hour to work up to it.”

He sighed and gave a little nod. My eyes slid closed again and I focused on the intricate patterns his fingertips were drawing on my lower back. Sleep was tugging on the edges of my consciousness for real this time, but before I slipped off, Jack’s hand had followed my vertebrate upward, leaving goose bumps in its wake, until it reached the back of my neck. His fingers wove themselves into my hair, kneading my scalp and causing small shivers to tremble through me every now and then.

I didn’t notice that my hair kept falling to one side of my neck until it had all been pushed far enough aside for Jack to place a kiss on my nape. I exhaled and hummed, giving a subconscious smirk, and I was everything but reluctant when Jack took my shoulder and flipped me so that I was on my back.

He appeared above me and I could see the wickedness burning in his brown irises. “What are you thinking about?” he whispered as he attached his lips to my jaw.

I swallowed and tried to keep control of my vocal cords. Jack hummed inquisitively as his teeth closed around my lobe.

“I can’t exactly think straight at the moment,” I exhaled sharply, my breath hitching when Jack’s fingers moved my bra strap off of my shoulder, giving his mouth complete access to the skin there. He snickered and my eyes narrowed toward the ceiling. “You’re such a pain,”

“That’s not what you said last night,” I envied Jack’s unblinking ability to be suave while making e squirm. He had maneuvered so that he was hovering above me, but nothing had developed from there. His eyes still held soft, calm sparks and his lips were still holding a ghost of a smile. I could feel his heart beating slowly against my chest and his hands were perfectly still as they held my face, his thumbs stroking under my eyes and across my cheeks repeatedly. “I’m just trying to get through this half hour without losing my mind.”

“So, to compensate, you’re going to drive me mad with all of this touchy-feely stuff?” I inquired, my voice light but the undertone stressed with self-restraint.

“Just say the word and we can talk instead,” Jack grinned down at me. “But until then…” and he attached his lips to my neck.

For a while, my pride was caught in my throat, blocking any words—and sounds, of that matter—from escaping. And the longer I stayed the silent, the harder Jack tried to draw a sound from me.

When kissing me didn’t work, he brought his hands into the mix. He new my physical weaknesses and when the body heat from the skin on his stomach met mine, it was all I could do not to cuss him out in frustration.

“Okay,” I gasped, unable to bear it silently any longer. “You win, you horny fuck. Let’s talk about today.”

Jack hummed and pressed himself closer to me, making my head swim. “I don’t really feel like talking anymore,” he purred.

I groaned. “God, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”

Jack chuckled. “I love it when you swear,” he breathed. He must’ve really gotten a kick out of the string of obscenities he caused in the following few moments. And then, out of the blue, he was by my side, looking cheeky. “Okay, I feel like talking now.”

I had to take about five seconds to physically and mentally collect myself. My composure was somewhere far away.

“Come with me,” Jack insists after a moment of quiet. “Come with me and live in Baltimore.”

“I can’t choose you over my boys,” I say. “And you can’t stay here. There is no way in hell I’ll let you choose me over your boys.”

“They’d understand,” he meant Alex and Zack and Rian.

“No, they’d pretend for you,” I countered. “But they need you. And they’d be hurt if you chose a ho over them.”

His lips twitched upward. “But I need my ho,”

“Your ho will be in New York City which is only a four hour drive away,” It was getting harder to reason with him because I was losing hope in reasoning with myself.

He leaned down so that his lips brushed mine. “Just come with me,” he’d gone full circle. “I don’t like that idea of leaving you here alone.”

I kissed him. “I won’t be alone,” I said simply. “As I said before, Brandon, Nathan, and Oliver will all be in the city with me and will be just a phone call away.”

“What am I going to do without you?” Jack whined. “Who will keep me entertained before I go on stage? Who’s going to keep my sexual innuendos in check?” I didn’t want to think about any of this, so I caught his mouth in to shut him up. “Who am I going to do this with?”

“No one,” I said with indefinite hope and I felt something in me twinge in remembrance.

Jack could read between the lines. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he said finitely. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” I said after shrugging. Jack only looked at me like he wanted to say something else but, before he could apologize his heart out like he looked like he wanted to, I sat up and climbed out of the tangles of the blanket.

“If you have to be on your plane in an hour and a half, we need to be heading to the airport now,” I said. “We can take my car.”

I walked to my room and started ruffling around in my dresser, trying to find something comfy to wear. Within a few minutes, Jack walked into the room and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“Just go in what you’re wearing,” he said with his chin on my shoulder.

I scoffed. “Oh, I’m sure it’d be totally appropriate to wear only a bra and boy shorts to an airport.”

“I’d like it.” Jack grinned.

“So would Alex. Probably way too much.”

Jack’s arms tightened around me slightly. “I don’t like to share.”

“Neither do I.”

In response, Jack placed a kiss on my cheek before reaching into the drawer and pulling out a pair of raggy, torn skinny jeans that I had bought in LA. Jack had convinced me to purchase them and then they sat in the bottom of my suitcase all through tour.

It meant a lot that he remembered the jeans as well as I did.

He then grabbed a black shirt and threw it at me too before leaving the room for a millisecond and returning with a black beanie.

“There.” He smiled once I was all dressed and had on my shoes. “Now I won’t be embarrassed to be in public with you.”

“Gee, thanks, darling.” I said as he took my hand and followed me out the door toward my car.

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We got to the airport and met up with Alex, Zack, and Rian at the check-in. They all made kissy faces when they saw are intertwined hands and I could only grin and press my face against Jack’s shoulder as he checked his luggage and got me a pass to get me by security.

We hurried along and got to the gate just as they were boarding the first class passengers, which was where they had conveniently purchased their seats.

I had even less time to say goodbye to Jack now…

I gave Zack, Rian, and Alex each hugs and kisses on the cheeks. Regularly, I thought this was alright, but Alex might’ve taken it too far.

Jack practically had to pry him off.

But there was no way anyone could’ve pried me away from Jack. Or vice versa. And I’m not lying when I say I could’ve stood there and hugged him for the rest of my life and been content with it.

He placed kisses everywhere. Forehead. Lips. Cheeks. Eyes. Neck. Hair.

“Jack, you have to go,” I tried to push him away, and I wondered if I would spontaneously combust from the act.

Jack’s arms were like iron bands. “Not yet,” he kissed me again. His hands were on either side of my face, keeping me close. “I’m not ready to leave you.”

“Well, you better get ready because they’re about to close the door.”

Jack whirled and hesitated for a millisecond before hollering that he was on the flight and that he was coming.

Then, he kissed me again. But this time was different. It like watching a firework explode in slow motion. Little sparks at first and slowly but surely, those tiny fires grew into bursts of color and brilliancy. It was about a million times better than the first time Jack had kissed me. And then take that times a trillion. And you might be about halfway to how especially idyllic this kiss was.

“I’m in love with you,” Jack says in a whisper when he pulled away.

“Good.” I said, smiling. “I love you more.”

He tried to grin. “Doubt it,” and I realized the “end” was drawing nearer. “I’ll come back as soon as I can, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“I hope you do.”

And then Jack was on the plane. And then the plane was backing away from the gate. And then the plane was on the runway. And then the plane was in the air and out of sight.

So I went home and waited for ‘as soon as possible’ to come.