In This Starless City

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I found it absolutely remarkable how difficult it was to function when I knew that the man I was in love with was in another city; another state; but just four hours away.

Every fiber of my being wanted to jump into my car, drive to Baltimore, and find Jack just so I could be around him.

The day Jack had left on the plane to Baltimore, he’d sent me a text message just a few hours after the plane had taken off once I was back at my place.

New York City is more beautiful than Baltimore…because you’re there. Not here. I love you.

It was Monday. Three weeks and two days since Jack had left New York and since then, the cute text messages, long and late night phone calls, and early morning voicemails had slowly but surely ceased to exist.

Jack was busy with planning the band’s new album, writing his guitar parts, and figuring out the new lineup for the new tour that All Time Low would be headlining.

And I was busy too, I guess. Aside from wasting away missing my boyfriend who was so close, but so far at the same time, that it physically made me ill sometimes, my boys and I were also working on new material and trying to plan a new tour that would promote our upcoming album.

But that would take time. And that time wouldn’t come for months and we all knew it.

Oliver, Nathan, and Brandon all kept in touch with Alex, Rian, Zack, and Jack. However, they tried to keep their conversations with Jack to themselves whenever I was around. Maybe they didn’t want me to think he was talking to them more than he was talking to me. Maybe he really didn’t talk to them that much either and they didn’t want me to get worked up over nothing.

But I was over thinking things and I knew I was working myself over nothing already.

Summer was long since gone and it was now the third week of September and football season was in full swing.

We were all at Oliver’s place, talking and writing and playing and spending time together. But after a few hours, it turned into only talking and planning.

I sat with my bass and just thought.

About Jack.

“Charlotte?” I looked up and Oliver was looking at me. “Earth to Charlotte.”

“Sorry, guys,” I mumbled as I placed my bass beside my legs and turned my attention to my fingernails. Or lack thereof. “I’m not really all here today.”

“You haven’t really been here the last few days,” Nathan said monotonously. “In fact, I think you’re somewhere in Maryland.” My eyes rose to his. “Baltimore, maybe?”

I sighed. “Maybe.” I trailed off after my mood.

Now all eyes were on me. This was the first time I’d openly admitted to having been thinking about Jack, missing Jack, wanting Jack.

“If you want to be with him so badly, why don’t you just go to Baltimore?” Nathan suggested, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking down at me from his seat on the couch.

“Because I don’t want you to think that I’m choosing him over you guys,” I say sadly.

“We would never think that,” Oliver said after a second of quiet. “We just want you to be happy and it’s not like you’d go to Baltimore and we’d never see you again.”

“Yeah,” Brandon chimed. “Like we said, Baltimore is not that far away.”

I shook my head and let my hands drop into my lap. I didn’t know what mood I was feeling exactly. “I’ll visit him sometime,” I said finally.

Each of the guys exchanged odd glances like they each had something else to say to me, but before any of them could, I stood from my seat on the floor, making up some lame excuse about needing to be getting back, and made my way out the door.

I got back to my apartment and immediately did nothing in particular. I paced my small living room for a while. I turned on the television for some background noise to accompany my raging thoughts, but I didn’t stay in the living room long. Before I knew it, I had gone to my room and compulsively started cleaning.

I had gotten around to unpacking two weeks prior to that day but every now and then, I managed to find something that I had unpacked and just thrown onto the floor.

Today was one of those days.

I caught my foot in something that was halfway under my bed and stumbled slightly, having to catch myself on the bed frame to keep from completely face planting.

I looked down to see what I had been caught up on and was absolutely shocked at what I saw.

It was Alex’s hoodie. The exact one that I had pretended to throw into the crowd the night Alex had stolen my clothes and worn them on stage.

I dropped to my knees on the carpet and pulled the hoodie onto my lap, picking the seams in silent reminiscence. The hoodie smelled like Alex and brought back quite a few memories of tour and all the shenanigans we had all gotten into together.

My eyes traveled from the sleeve of Alex’s hoodie to the carpet underneath my bed and I caught sight of something else.

I reached under my bed and pulled out the LA baseball cap that I had stolen from Jack. I couldn’t remember exactly when I had taken it. But I know that it was early in the tour.

Or maybe it just seemed like it since that entire tour seemed really rather short. Quick.

It was a white LA cap and I knew I had taken it because I had wanted Jack to come after it. But I guess he hadn’t ever noticed it was gone…

Or he had more than one white LA baseball cap which was a very likely possibility.

In the living room, ESPN was blaring away about this year’s football season and suddenly I realized that the New York Giants would be playing the Baltimore Ravens in a week.

And then, as if on cue, my phone vibrated twice.

It was a text message. And a Twitter update.

Yeah, I’d sold out and gotten a Twitter account. And yes, I was following JackAllTimeLow.

I opened the text first. Speak of the devil…

I miss you.

I smiled and opened the Twitter update. It was from Jack too…

JackAllTimeLow I'm always in the wrong city to be hanging out with the right girl.

My stomach flopped and suddenly, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Jack had told me that he would be going to the Giants vs. Ravens game…

I darted to my computer and started looking up ticket prices…

><><><

“Yeah, I’m going to Baltimore,” I said to Oliver. “Football.”

“And you didn’t buy us tickets?” Nathan asked, shocked.

“Uh…” I whipped out three tickets. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

The guys basically tackled me against the hood of my car. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m the best friend you could ever ask for. Now get whatever you need and get in the car. We’ve got a road trip to make.”

Oliver and Nathan and Brandon all changed into their football game gear and were back and in my car within half an hour and before we all knew it, we were on the road to Baltimore.

“Now…” I murmured as I steered closer to the Baltimore exit. “None of them know that we’re coming.”

“Oh my God,” Oliver said. “This is going to be great!”

“None of you can say anything either!” I spat with a smile. “I’ve this all planned out and it’s going to be great, so don’t fuck this whole thing up for me. We’re a team here.”

“Can’t we tell Alex and Rian and Zack? They can and probably will help us.” Nathan whined.

“Alex has a bigger mouth than a high school diva!” I reasoned back. We were within the Baltimore city limits.

“He’ll be so into it! Come on, let us let them in on the plan.”

I thought it all over and then groaned. “Fine! Call him. Speaker phone, please.”

Oliver dialed Alex and pressed speakerphone and put the phone on the dashboard of the car.

“You’ve got Gaskarth,” he answered in that cocky tone of his.

“Ew. Junk mail.” I said, grinning at the road.

Alex chuckled. “Pornographic and just the way you like it,” I could picture his face perfectly and I quickly jumped that train of thought. “How are you, Charlotte?”

“I’m doing well enough to resort to asking a favor of you, Alex.” I said after the guys in the car each voiced their presence.

“A favor?” I could tell his mind was in the gutter.

“Listen before you jump to conclusions,” I said quickly, cutting him off short before his dirty mind could be leaked into the open. “And I’m going to be depending on your discretion with this one, Alex.”

“I’m listening.”

><><><

We got to Baltimore and met up with Alex and Rian at a diner just a few blocks away from Ravens stadium. The crowd had already surged and the game was still five hours from kickoff.

I smiled as we approached each other. “Remember this?” I inquire, holding up Alex’s hoodie.

Alex’s eyes narrowed in confusion and then widened in complete surprise. “You are one conniving little shit.” He said as he took the hoodie from my hand. “I really can’t wait to hear about this little plan of yours.”

“Too bad you won’t hear about it,” Alex gawked. “None of you will.” Everyone gawked. “I just need all of you to make sure that there is no way in hell Jack finds out that I’m here.”

“Well, what’s the point of you being here then if he won’t know about it?” Rian asks, trying to decipher my plan.

“He’ll know about it at the most opportune moment,” I smirked. “The moment of which I shall choose.”

All of the guys sighed. “That must be a girl thing because there is no way I could be that devious and sexy at the same time,” Alex commented as he leaned on his palm. “Okay, we’ll all keep quiet.”

I smirked. “Nothing comes as easy as you, Gaskarth.” And I patted him on the cheek.

Game time rolled around and Alex and Rian parted with us at the gate, saying that Jack was already in his seat. I grinned when I saw that our seats were just eight rows behind theirs.

I told Oliver, Nathan, and Brandon to go in first and keep their entrance inconspicuous. Even Alex didn’t know that our seats were so close to theirs.

After a few minutes, I followed and took my seat between Oliver and Nathan.

And then, the game started and I let the plan go as I watched my team play. The Ravens were good this season and the Giants were great competition. It was interesting to watch and I almost forgot my plan.

Before I knew it, it was halftime and people were getting up and heading to the restrooms and concession stands.

Then, a voice came over the loudspeaker.

“To all you love birds out there, if you’re here with a loved one, send a text message or a picture of yourself with your significant other to 88989 and maybe your message or your picture will be put on the big screen during halftime,”

Perfect.

I whipped out my phone and started typing away.

Before Brandon or Nathan or Oliver could look over my shoulder to see what I was up to, I sent it and slid my phone back into my pocket.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Oliver asks.

“Oh, yes.” I say with a grin.

I opened another text message and addressed it to my Twitter.

Keep your eyes peeled to that big screen. Don’t blink or you might miss it…

Send.

I watched the back of Jack’s head eight rows in front of me. He was hard to miss with his bright purple baseball cap, his Ravens jersey, and his obnoxious screaming and cheering.

It was hard to be so close to him…and not be right next to him.

I saw him take his phone out of his pocket and open a text message. I knew it was my Twitter update. And then…his head tilted upward and I knew he was looking at the big screen.

And then, just like I had hoped and prayed, my text message scrolled across the bottom of the screen.

Dear Jack Barakat, turn around and look eight rows behind you. I love you. Surprise.

Jack’s head pivoted and then his waist rotated and he was looking back behind him. I was looking away from him, nonchalantly, wanting to keep him curious for just a little while. But I couldn’t help letting my eyes wander over to him…and it only took one time and just like two magnets, our eyes met.

Jack’s reaction was everything I had hoped it would be.

His eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and he was out of his seat and jumping over people to get to the aisle as fast as he could. And then, he was taking the steps by threes and met me just as I was making it out of my row.

He wasted no time at all scooping me into his arms and pressing his mouth to mine, kissing me with everything he had in him.

“God, I missed you,” he sighed into my mouth. “Don’t leave. Three weeks is too long.” He kept kissing my face all over. “Don’t leave.”

“I missed you too,” I tightened my arms around him and he stood at full height, pulling me off the floor and holding me against him perfectly. There was no part of me that wasn’t touching him. And I didn’t want it any other way…

And then, I caught sight of the big screen behind us. Someone to my right had taken a snapshot of Jack and I and sent it in to the big screen number.

I looked over and gave Oliver the finger as he, Nathan, and Brandon each smiled innocently at me.

“You’re lucky I don’t disown you for wearing that Giants jersey,” he says as he tugged on the collar of it, teasingly. “I’d much prefer it off of you.”

I grinned. “Maybe you should take yours off first,” Jack twitched his eyebrows. I saw the picture of us flash onto the big screen again and I smiled, rolling my eyes. “It’s amazing what texting and cameras and Twitter can do for a couple,” I say against Jack’s lips. He had carried me up the stairs and into the concourse by the restrooms. He had pinned me against a wall there. “The first time we met, I was all over your Twitter.”

In response, he took out his phone and started texting.

And then, my phone vibrated.

He had updated his Twitter.

JackAllTimeLow I don't care how I met you, all that matters is that I did. Ya heard?

My cheeks reddened and Jack immediately pressed his lips to them repeatedly.

“I love you so much,” he says and I could practically feel his adoration radiating off of him like white-hot heat.

“I love you more.” I brushed his cheek, appreciating the stubble that lined his jaw.

“I doubt it.” And he kissed me again. And again. And again.

And without a doubt, that’s all I ever dreamt about.