The Beast and The Brain.

J recovered relatively quickly. It only took her about a week for her to gain her color and most of her strength back. I on the other hand, simply got worse. My head felt like someone was splitting it down the middle like a piece of wood. J seemed off as well. I don’t think she knew, but I noticed her using her power. She lightly prodded into peoples’ minds. Nothing major, but I noticed it. I watched once from the top of the stairs. She was eating at the bar and every time someone came and gave her a new cup of water, they would pause, pick it back up, and then place it on the other side of the plate. Then they would blink a few times and walk away in a daze.

I watched her multiple times after that. I pretended not to notice, and I never mentioned it to J either. It seemed to me though, that her powers weren’t completely correct. She seemed to be struggling with her ability, and that didn’t make my mood any better. First a headache, and now J didn’t have complete control over her powers. It seemed that fate was laughing at me. For the first time I was actually getting somewhere in life, and then things start turning bad. It seemed that I was forever destined to be in the bottom of the barrel.

~ ~ ~ ~

Winter dragged on. The innkeeper no longer required me to pay a fee when he realized that we would be staying until the snows began to melt. Instead, he simply asked us to help him out with the Inn. I chopped and carried firewood. J helped cook meals. I fixed leeks and water problems. J swept and mopped. We were like a family. Minus the happiness. J and I stayed away from each other as much as possible.

Not that I was going soft, I just didn’t want to think about the fight too much. As weeks started to drag into months, the Inn began to feel more and more like home. The innkeeper and his wife and daughter actually treated us like family. In the evenings, the locals would come and have a drink after working, and J and I would help serve them. I helped behind the bar, and J helped on the floor with Sabrina. Sabrina idolized J, she was only about sixteen and she already started to act more and more like J with each passing day. It scared me.

In the mornings, I would go across to the barn where the horses were staying. It was on one of these morning visits when I finally was able name my horse. I had had such trouble finding the correct name for him. Nothing seemed to fit, but I had walked in early one morning, and I found that my horse had managed to get out of his stall. He wasn’t properly broken; after all, J had used her power to connect a bond between the horse and me. Anyone else that got near him, well let’s just say he didn’t like strangers very much.

The stable workers were trying to herd him back into his stall, but in a confined space like a barn, they were in danger of his hooves and teeth. He snorted, kicked, and bit at them. They had ropes in their hands, and they even tried luring him in with grain. But he wouldn’t go back, he trotted around the barn avoiding the stablemen. They didn’t want to hurt my horse, after all I was a paying costumer, so they had to be careful to try and catch him. It was lucky on my part that I had come over while this had happened.

I chuckled and closed the door behind me. I whistled loudly with my fingers between my lips, everyone in the barn turned towards the door. My horse lifted his head, ears forward he snorted hard through his nostrils and came over.

I smiled and laughed a little and stroked my hand down the length of his nose. “We’re sorry sir.” A stable worker came over to me. I noticed that the other ones had gone back to their work. I turned back to the one who had come over, I noticed he had a red mark on his arm. It seemed my horse had bit him. “He managed to get out of his stall. We think one of the younger workers didn’t lock it correctly. We’re sorry.”

I held up a hand, “Don’t worry about it. You all were handling it the best you could, he’s not really…good around other people.” I smiled and handed him a gold coin, “Sorry about the bite though.”

He shook his head, “No, no not at all. It all comes with the job.” He smiled pocketing the coin.

“I should be thanking you anyway.” I told him, stroking the horses neck.

“Oh? How so?” He asked me confused.

“You gave me an idea for his name.” I told him, “Striker, it seems he has a bit of a bite.”

“It fits.” He nodded, rubbing his arm where Striker had bit him.

“I thought so.” I nodded satisfied. He deserved a name, and I had finally given him one. I led him back over to his stall. He was right next to J’s stallion, whose name I had found out was Phantom. It was fitting, the horse was blacker than night, and he seemed to disappear into the dark whenever J told him to hide.

I thought about our horses for a moment. If I killed J, then I wouldn’t have the loyalty of Striker anymore, nor would I be able to have Phantom. I could always fly everywhere I needed to go, but there was something about being on the back of a horse. I guess in a way I needed to be on the back of a horse. It made me feel human, it helped me feel normal, and most of all I reminded me of home.

I burst through the upstairs room. J stood up from the chair in front of the fire and closed the door behind me. She stood with her shoulders back, and I think she thought that I was finally going to fight her, because she was tense and ready to pounce. I also noticed a bit of fear in her eyes, which surprised me.

I settled myself down. “I’m not going to kill you.” I told her seriously, “If you die, then I don’t have a horse.”

She blinked a few times, “What?”

“You heard me. I can’t kill you until I get a good horse.”

She shook her head, “Damn it Asher.” She growled. She turned around and hit her fist against the wall. She stood with her back to me a moment, shoulders shaking and fists clenched. I stood motionless, ready for anything. Finally, she turned back around, and I nearly died of a heart attack. J was crying. She was crying. Never in my entire life did I think J would cry, could. Not in a million years, she had a heart of ice. I took a step back; somehow, J’s crying was scarier than her being angry. I didn’t know how she would act when she was like this. “Damn you.” She swore. It was a rare thing to hear J swear like that. I took another step back. “You think this is easy?” She said angrily, tears streamed down her cheeks and off her chin, “You think I like waiting around for my death? You think I like waking up in the morning, wondering if it’s my last?” She kicked the chair and it toppled towards me and landed at my feet. I stood and stared without saying a word.

“What gives you the right to come in here and decide that you won’t kill me? What gives you that right?” She demanded. She reached behind her back and suddenly there was a knife in her hand. I flinched, but she wasn’t directing it towards me. In fact, she held in against her own chest, straight towards her heart. “I’m sick of waiting.” She said quietly, “Do it…or I will.”

“Drop the knife.” I told her sternly. We glared at each other. I tried to take a step towards her but she pressed the knife harder. I stopped, “Drop it.”

“Kill me.”

“Drop the knife or so help me J—”

“—You’ll what?” She demanded, “You’ll kill me?” A creepy smirk played onto her face. For a moment I thought that J really might have gone insane.

I was really confused. Her actions were nothing like I had predicted. What the heck did she expect me to say? What did she want from me? She acted like she wanted to die, and yet she had yelled at me because I didn’t have the right to choose. When I told her I wanted to fight her, she seemed like she was ready. “What do you want from me?” I asked her.

“Kill me.” She slumped down to her knees, her shoulders shook, but she didn’t have any more tears. The blade was still tight against her chest. Aimed for her heart, which I could hear pounding from across the room.

“No.”

“I’ll kill myself then, and you won’t get the chance at revenge.”

“You don’t get that luxury.” I told her, stepping forward, “You owe me.”

“I don’t owe you anything Asher. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me. You’d still be locked away like an animal. I gave you life. If anything, you owe me.” She spat.

She didn’t sound like she actually believed her own words, but for me, they struck a chord. I had thought about all of that. She had saved me, multiple times, but it still felt like a knife in my own heart when I thought about her betrayal. I hated that feeling. It felt like a sickness deep inside, and I wanted it to be gone, which is why I needed her gone. This feeling was worse than any physical pain. It was worse than my headache. It frustrated me to no end. I had covered it up with anger and hate. I hunted down J because I had convinced myself that I hated her, but really, I was scared. Inside, I wasn’t sure of what was happening. I had feelings inside that I never experienced before. Things that I couldn’t comprehend, but now, they were finally surfacing again and it was all because of J. It was always because of J. She held the knife to her chest and I knew in that moment that I really didn’t want her dead, it was then I realized….I didn’t want her dead.

I hadn’t killed her because at the time I convinced myself that it was about honor. Now that she was strong again, I made another excuse. I knew deep down I would keep finding excuses, because deep down I didn’t want J to leave me again. I kicked the chair back in J’s direction. It smashed against the wall. I gripped at my hair and let out a keep frustrated growl. A very non human sound. J looked up, I think she thought I was going to kill her because she closed her eyes and lowered the knife slightly. Then it came to me, something that I had dismissed, something I had pushed from my mind last time I had been with Grace. She hadn’t been a silly little girl. She had actually known what I was going through. I hadn’t hated J. I hadn’t really wanted to kill her because she had thrown my friendship aside, or because she left me in the dust. I would have been able to forgive all of this. I had been angry with J, because she had broken my heart, because all this time, I had really been in love with her.

The fact is Asher, you need to get over it. She broke your heart, big deal, J needs you and you need her, you’ll see this someday, I know you will.”

I slowly got to my knees and looked at J. She opened her eyes and we stared into each others for a few minutes. I shook with relief. I didn’t have to chase anymore. I didn’t have to hunt. I knew what I was feeling now. I was ready to admit it to myself. I had fallen for J, without even realizing I had fallen in love. I would never be able to hate J. I would never be able to kill her. I bowed my head, taking my gaze off her.

“Curse you J.” I said quietly, “You always make things complicated.” I looked back up at her, “I don’t want to kill you.” I said honestly, my voice was low and soft. I was finally giving up. I was finally letting my feelings go. It felt amazing. “I want to be a team again. I want to ride along side of you, and most of all. I want just want to be friends again. Please.” I begged her, “I just want all of this to stop.” I found myself crying, without even realizing it. I think I scared J as well because her eyes widened and she seemed at a loss for words, but that was all right for me, because that meant that she hadn’t said no.