The Beast and The Brain.

J stared without blinking. I stared back, to afraid to look away. I felt as if I were in the presence of a wild animal. No sudden movements. Don’t look away. Don’t irritate it. We were both on our knees. I don’t know why but it seemed like a physical blanket was draped heavily over my shoulders. I couldn’t stand and we both had sweat running down the sides of our faces and down our necks, despite the chill in the room.

“Are you mocking me?” She demanded finally. Her voice was low. She sounded like a person who was about to snap, to be honest; I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. My mind felt clearer, and I was feeling more than a little guilty. J didn’t deserve what I did to her, just like I didn’t deserve what she did to me. J and I were more alike than we liked to admit.

“What—no!” I said shaking my head.

“Do you think this is funny?”

“J—”

“—You have a sick mind.” She hissed, “You really expect me to believe that after all of this you’ll just….forget?”

“That’s what friends do.” I said, “Or have you already forgotten what we spoke together before you left? We agreed to remain friends. I am keeping that promise. What about you? Are you willing?”

She looked around, as if she were expecting some sort of trap to appear out of thin air. It was clear that no one had ever backed down; no one had ever forgiven her before. She had to fight and run her entire life. “Listen to me J.” I spoke gently, “I forgive you alright?” She looked me in the eyes, “I don’t care that you betrayed me…just please, I want to be partners again. I need to be partners.”

Her muscles relaxed a bit, like a weight were lifting off her shoulders. She slowly nodded, but then J’s arms gave out and she collapsed onto the floor. Her face was covered in sweat. It was then I noticed the bottle of heavy alcohol on the table and a small glass next to it. I let out a sigh. She had been drinking. I got to my feet, carried her to bed, and set her down. I pulled a blanket over her then added a few more logs to the fire to keep the chill out of the room.

“Good night J.” I whispered, and then closed the door behind me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For the next few days, I was bed ridden, and J wasn’t any better. My head felt like it was being ripped apart and J was sick since to her stomach. I was told by the innkeepers’ wife that her body was cleaning itself out. I hung a thick blanket over my window. I blew out all the candles and I kept the fire low in the hearth. A cool rag rested on my forehead and eyes. It didn’t help much. The wind and noise around me hurt my ears and made my head pound harder and whenever someone opened the door my eyes ached from the light and added noise.

“Asher?” A small voice called and opened the door. I locked my jaw and fought the pain. It was the innkeepers daughter.

“What?” I growled, trying to hold back my irritated animal side.

“I’ve brought you some tea, please try and drink it. Mom thinks it will help your head, or at least allow you to sleep some.”

“Thanks.” I didn’t say anything else, so she left the room, closing the door behind her. Once she left I cursed, I should have asked about J. She had been up all night puking her guts out. Even I had heard her through the wall. Had she heard me cry out in the night? Even I couldn’t hold back the pain sometimes.

My muscles were tired from my constant fight. I held them tight and tried to push the headache away, but after that didn’t work I tried to lay as still as possible, but the pain still remained. I couldn’t function. I hadn’t slept more than an hour in two days, and I hadn’t eaten a full meal either. I could feel my animal side eating away at my body’s stored nutrition. I knew eventually I would have to force myself to eat something large or else I would wither away to a pile of bones. The tea sat on the table beside the bed until it grew cold, but even long after I never got the strength to get up and drink. Countless times I found myself wishing Grace would suddenly appear in the doorway with her curly hair and curing hands, but she never came, and I was forced to fight my own battle.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sometime later I was able to fall asleep, but only for a few hours. My rest was fitful and my head made my stomach churn and feel dizzy. There were a few times when I woke up and puked onto the floor. I tried to call out, but my voice seemed to leave me and I collapsed back into sleep.

I wasn’t sure what time it was, or how many days passed but J finally showed up. She looked better to, as if she had taken an entire day of rest and bathing. Her cheeks were full of color and her eyes were crisp and focused. It was obvious that she hadn’t been drinking. She closed the door behind her and walked over to the fire. She picked up a log. “No….” I croaked but she ignored me and threw in into the hearth. She blew on the coals and slowly the fire came to life.

I winced from the light and noise. I looked away towards the wall. “Well, you’re a sad sight.” She said in a normal J voice. I clenched my teeth and held back the scream that rose in my throat.

“That’s disgusting.” She must have seen the puke on the floor. “You haven’t even eaten anything, or drank your tea. Damn it all Asher, must I do everything? You know you’ll keep getting weaker if you don’t eat something.” I felt her cool hands on my face. “You’re burning up.” Her voice suddenly seemed concerned, “What’s wrong with you?”

I looked up at her; even through the pain I was glad. J was sitting next to me, acting her normal self. As if, nothing had happened. Though one thing was very different, she was actually caring for my well being. She took the rag off my forehead, went over to water basin, and dipped it into it. I looked at the floor. She had placed a towel over the mess. She rung out the rag then placed it back over my fore head. “Listen Asher.” She took a breath, “I’ve been thinking about what you’ve said….” I opened my mouth but she cut me off, “Just listen to me ok? I’m going to tell you a few things because I need you to fully understand what you’re getting yourself into.” She folded her arms and looked at the wall, not once did she look at me, “I’ve had a hard past. I think you’ve already been able to guess a few parts of it, but that doesn’t change anything. I wasn’t a good person, and I’m still not. Your proof of that…whenever I teamed up with someone, they always ended up dead, or seriously injured. I admit, I do not put my trust into people I’ve learned the hard way that humans are natural deceivers. After a while I just stopped altogether, so when I teamed up with you, I was convinced it was only for a short time. A few days at most, but then you just kept amazing me.

“You are one the most selfless people I have ever known Asher and that amazed me. I found myself fascinated at how easily you placed your trust in others, how easy you befriended people, and helped them. What amazed me more was you never got hurt, if something happened, you just brushed it off and kept doing what you did before you never stopped helping.

“That’s why I left. That evening, when you heated the water for a bath, I realized you were putting your trust in me, as you had with all the other people. I knew then that I had to leave. I knew that if I stuck around something would happen to you, just like everyone else I had ever been partners with. I didn’t want that to happen, so I ran….it’s ironic, by leaving I ended up hurting you more….”

She paused a moment to collect her thoughts. My own head was reeling, and it wasn’t helping the headache. Pieces of the puzzle were falling into place like never before. “But nothing changes the past. The people I’ve wronged, they will chase me for my entire life. Some want me dead, but most want me alive…because of my gift. They think I’ll be useful, so know this Asher. As long as we work together, we will always be on the run, always looking for the next safe place to hide. So it’s up to you.”

“I’ve already known that.” I told her seriously, “I knew that the moment we started traveling together. It doesn’t matter to me J if I’m hunted my whole life. That’s nothing new, and it’s not just you that’s being chased, Kegan told me that they want both of us. So why not stick together, it seems to me they’ll have a harder time catching a Beast and a Brain working together.”

She gave me a skeptical look then shrugged, “Alright then.” She nodded, “I guess this means we’re back in business.”

Joy leapt from deep in my heart. “Just promise me you’ll stop drinking.” I tried to sound joking but my voice was strained and J only frowned deeply when I mentioned it. '

“What’s the matter?”

She looked at the fire, her eyes scanning back and forth like she was working out a puzzle. “I just don’t like the way things around happening. These events seem a little too close to be coincidental.” She gave me a look and explained herself before I could ask, “You got your headache, just as my powers went out the door.”

I frowned but she held up her hand, “I still have my power, don’t get me wrong, but its weak. I can hardly control three people at once. No matter how hard I focus. It’s starting to scare me. I’ve been sober for a few days now, and I feel fantastic, but. It never takes this long to regain energy. Something’s wrong.”

“Your right about that.” I managed to say, “You’re admitting your feelings out loud.”

“Everyone’s a comedian all of the sudden.” But her expression didn’t change, “I wish Grace were here.” She rubbed her temples. I wanted to tell her I had thought to same thing, but my head pounded so hard for a few minutes that I tensed my entire body and shut my eyes. Slowly it resided back into a normal throb and I let out a breath.

“This is insane.” J said, “You’re going to kill yourself if you keep this up.”

“You say that like it’s my own fault.”

“Well it is your fault; you’re the one that came after me. Maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t come.”

“I don’t regret it.”

There was silence. She didn’t argue

“I’m going to bring up some food and tea. Then I am going to wait around and force you to eat. Don’t go anywhere.” Then she was gone. The fire was starting to warm the room and I was shivering less, which helped the pressure in my head lessen. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I tried to retreat inside of myself, but my mind was overwhelmed.

J came back a few minutes later. The smell of food made my stomach rumble but my head still made me feel dizzy. J had a few large rags over her shoulder as well. She set the tray down on the table then went about cleaning up the mess on the floor. There wasn’t too much to clean. My stomach hadn’t had anything inside of it. After she finished cleaning, she pulled a chair beside the bed then helped me sit up. She stuffed pillows behind my back and head then put the tray of food in my lap and sat down in the chair.

“Now eat.” She ordered, “Before I stuff it all down your throat.” I looked down at the food. My eyes ached from being open but there wasn’t a lot of food. Just some thin soup, a piece of bread and a large glass of water. I ate slowly, even though the moment it touched my tongue I realized how starved I was.

After I finished every bit of food, J made me drink all the water in the cup she had brought. Finally, she let me lay back down. She took up the tray, “I’ll be back shortly.” I closed my eyes. I felt a little stronger with some food in my stomach, but my head still hurt, but now at least my animal side wasn’t eating away at my nutrition.

J came back shortly. This time she had a bucket in her hand and a scrap of leather. She put the bucket on the table. “I’ve made this for you.” She said as she picked up a small wooden scoop. It looked like something that would be used for scooping sugar. “I think it will help your head.” The bucket was full of snow and ice. The leather was wax coated on the inside and she filled it full of snow then folded down the end and tied it off so the snow wouldn’t fall out.

She then placed the square sack over my eyes and head. The cold was like a sharp pain against my skin but after it numbed the cold seemed to seep into my skull. It was the closest thing to relief I had felt in a long time. I let out a moan of relief and slumped down into my mattress. J’s chair creaked; no doubt, she was making herself comfortable.

“Do you think you can sleep.” She asked after a half hour of silence.

“No.” I admitted, though the cold felt amazing on my head it still wasn’t enough to allow me to sleep. But I had an idea. “Listen J, do you think you could use your power on me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, the pain is in my head, and your power has to do with the mind…so couldn’t you like…do something?”

“I wouldn’t know where to start…I know nothing of healing.”

“Still, couldn’t you try something at least?” I asked.

She let out a sigh and then there was silence. I waited for something to change, but nothing happened for a few minutes, “Well?”

“I’ve been trying.” She told me. I frowned. I hadn’t felt the pressure in my mind lessen or worse. It was as if nothing had happened. I closed my eyes. Great, I’ll die of sleep deprivation.

“Your body will force itself to shut down before you die Asher, you don’t have to worry about that.”

I jerked in surprise, “You heard that?”

“What are you talking about? You said it as clear as day, if you don’t want me to hear whisper or something.” The pounding in my head lessened a little.

“I didn’t say anything allowed J.” I told her then another idea came, “Try speaking your thoughts to me, like I did that one time.”

She let out a sigh, “I also told you that when you did that it hurt my head.”

“Please J.” I begged. I was desperate for some sleep.

“What am I supposed to talk about?” She demanded with frustration.

“Anything, tell me a story, just talk.”

She gave in. This is a ridiculous idea and I don’t think it will work. “Did you hear that?”

“Yes.” I breathed, hardly able to believe my own ears….or thoughts. J was surprised as well but she continued to talk none the less, I’m hardly using an energy doing this Asher, how is that possible? I have never been able to communicate like this before. Not even with another Brain, never this clearly.

My head felt normal, but as soon as she stopped the pounding started up again, “Keep talking, it’s working.” I closed my eyes and just focused on J’s voice. She rambled on about random things in the room and the horses in the stable, but then finally she started telling me a story. When I was a little girl, there was this secret place I used to go to. However, now that I look back on it, it wasn’t very secret. There was an old well on my father’s land, probably from an old farm. But when it rained hard enough you could hear the water tricking inside of it. I used to go there on hot summer days, and sit under the shades of the trees. I would drop stones inside and make wishes. Sometimes my brother went with me too….

J’s voice was soft in my mind as she told her story and eventually I drifted to sleep and images of a little girl and well danced before my eyes.