Second Heartbeat

I stared down at the white coffin. It was a beautiful coffin, it really was. I just couldn't stand looking at the body inside of it.

My mom's face was pale, and her face looked all puffed up. She didn't look as beautiful as she did, when she was alive.

It was almost scary to look at her.

I had gotten my mom's looks, and she never looked more like me right now. It was almost like looking into the future. How I would look like I was dead.

I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see a sad Brian.

I smiled weakly at him. He was wearing his fedora. He hadn't worn that in such a long time, it almost looked foreign on him.

"Emma, I'm sorry." He whispered. I shook my head.

"You didn't do this, Brian. No one is suppose to be sorry," I said.

I looked down at my mom.

I didn't want to remember her like this, the last time I'd ever see her face. Her face didn't look how it was suppose to.

It wasn't her face. It wasn't smiling, and it wasn't as beautiful as it once was.

"Emma, do you want to leave?" I looked up at Brian.

I nodded slightly, and he grabbed my hand.

He quickly told Johnny that he was taking me somewhere, but I wasn't listening too much.

I was trying to think of something, anything that wouldn't remind me of my mom. I even went as far as to think of my own father.

I got into the car with Brian.

I guess he decided against the motorcycle for today. I was thankful that he did. I wouldn't have been able to even sit down on a motorcycle without screaming my lungs out.

Motorcycles were things that I did not trust one bit in the least.

Brian drove, while I stared down at my hands.

Everything was building up, and my head couldn't stand it. Everything from my mom dying to sleeping with Matt.

How could I be so stupid from why did she have to die was suck in my head.

"We're here," Brian said. I looked over my shoulder.

It was another house.

"It's one of my distant relative's home. He's letting me borrow it for a while." Brian said. I nodded.

I followed Brian into the house.

The inside was just as beautiful as the outside was. Brian just stood there with me. He didn't say much actually.

He let me lay down on his couch, while he just cooked.

Synyster Gates cooking was something I could never imagine before. I could imagine him ordering Johnny to go cook him something though.

Especially since Johnny had his special pink apron now.

I could hear Brian softly singing, and I knew the song very well. It had always been one of my very favorite songs from their band.

He wasn't trying to even be on the song's natural beat, he was singing with his own melody to it. It was soft.

"Black enchanting eyes, cut through my heart..."

I just laid there. listening his soft words. He had a nice voice, nothing compared to Matt, but it was still very nice.

It was nice enough for me to completely forget about everything I was worried about. I just paid attention to his words.

"Dark in their hearts, I can feel it burn inside of me," he sang walking into the room.

Brian was holding up a plate, and I could see the smoke still rising from it. It must've been hot as hell.

"I made some food," Brian said smiling.

"I noticed, but it kind of looks like it needs to cool off, Brian." I said softly. He shrugged.

"It's better, when you eat food warm," he said. "Warm not steamy hot off the stove," I said.

He shrugged again.

"Maybe you're right then. I'll let it cool off then," he said.

He placed the plate down on the small coffee table in front of me.

I could finally see what was exactly on the plate. It was broccoli and some beef. There were some carrots on the side, and it smelled delicious.

I could feel my mouth practically watering by now.

"Looks good, huh?" Brian said.

I could tell he was trying to show off now. He had a small smirk on his face. He was obviously trying not to over do it, but he was still smug about it.

"Looks disgusting," I whispered. He laughed softly, and he sat down on the ground near me.

"You know it looks good," he said softly.

It was quiet again.

I wasn't sure of what to say to Brian at the moment. I wanted to say something important, maybe even entertaining.

But all I could think about was confessing what had happened with Matt and I.

I knew I should've waited for Matt to be with me, for Val to be here, but I decided against my better judgment.

"Brian," I said slowly.

He looked at me. His brown eyes were soft, and they were dazzling.

"Yeah, Em?"

He looked at me so innocently; I almost backed out of it. I didn't though. I had to tell someone, before my head imploded. Anyone could've been with me, and I might've told them.

But since it was Brian, it only made it easier on me.

"Brian, I've done something terrible." I said. "What did you do?" He asked.

He quickly grabbed my arms. He looked over them quickly, but he looked back up at me.

"No cuts, so what did you do?" He asked softly.

He was looking at me curiously, trying to figure anything out from my own expressions.

"I did something so bad, when I got drunk." I murmured.

He looked down at the ground, but he looked back up at me with wide eyes.

"What happened, when you and Matt left?" He asked.

I could tell he was already angry. I could see a vein popping out of his head. He was glaring at me too. I think he already knew what we had done.

"Brian, we didn't even know what we were doing," I said. "Emma, tell me: did you sleep with Matt?" He asked slowly.

I didn't want to say anymore. He knew the answer to the question already. He was glaring at me intently.

"Brian, I didn't mean to... Matt didn't either." I said quickly. Brian was shaking his head.

"Emma, how could you do this? What about Val? Did you even think about her?" He asked. His voice was raised slightly, and I could feel tears coming out now.

"Brian, I was so drunk that I didn't know what we did at first. I couldn't think about anything! I didn't think! I was being stupid beyond belief!" I said.

Brian just kept on shaking his head.

"I didn't mean for it to happen. I've never thought about Matt that way ever, and I'd never had done that if I was sober." I said.

"When are you telling Val?" Brian asked. "Today, maybe tomorrow. Whenever Matt and I get enough courage," I said.

Brian chuckled lightly. It wasn't comforting though. It almost sounded like a maniac laughing.

"You'll never have enough courage for this. You do realize that it won't just be an angry Val, right? Michelle is going to have a fit, and so will the rest of the guys. You can't expect Val to be the only angry person here. Hell, even I'm pissed off at you two!" Brian shouted.

He stood up, and he left me there.

If I couldn't do this properly with Brian, how the hell could I do it with Val?