Second Heartbeat

I shook my head.

I wasn’t going. I couldn’t go in there! No. No one would ever be able to get me into that house. Not ever.

“Emma, you have to go in.” Zacky said. I shook my head even more furiously. I was not going into that damned house!

I was so very confident in myself just earlier today. Now I was most definitely not confident at all.

I wasn’t sure of what I was doing now. All the reasons and my logic for being here were no longer drifting in my head. The only thing keeping me near this house was Zacky holding my hand.

“Emma,” Zacky said.

I bit down on my lip. I had to remember why I was here in the first place. I had to remember why or I wouldn’t go in.

I shook my head. I couldn’t remember why I was here anymore. I didn’t see any sort of reason why I should be here right now.

I know that probably made me look like a huge bitch or even evil right now, but I didn’t care. I was scared, and I wasn’t sure why.

“Emma, remember why you’re here. You’re not doing this for yourself at all. You didn’t need or want the pleasure of doing this. You’re doing it for her,” Zacky said. He was right too.

I never wanted to do this. I never had a single feeling of regret of ever not wanting to do this either. I knew that probably made me a bad person, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t change how I felt.

I grabbed onto Zacky’s hand tightly. He looked at me, trying to see what I was trying to think or say.

I just nodded, and he smiled back at me.

“Do you remember what color eyes she had?” Zacky asked. I nodded.

“She had brown eyes,” I said, “Big beautiful brown eyes.”

Zacky took the first step, and I soon followed him along. I didn’t even realize I was following him until I saw the big wooden door in front of me.

“Zacky, I don’t think I can do this,” I said slowly. I could feel and hear my voice stutter as I spoke.

I gulped, hoping it didn’t look like I was about to run off, screaming.

“Emma, you can. I know you can. I’m not gonna say this isn’t nothing. I know it’s a big deal, but we’re already here. We told them that we’d be here, and I’m pretty damn sure that they told her that we’d be here.” Zacky said.

I knew he was right. How could he be wrong?

“I think the least thing we can do is go in and just introduce ourselves or yourself. I can go in and support you. I don’t even need to speak to make things easier.” Zacky said.

I found myself staring down at my feet.

I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to go in, but I knew I must. Zacky would be disappointed in me. They would be right about me. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I knew it.

“Or would you rather that I do all the speaking for you?” Zacky asked.

I looked up at him, and I nodded slowly.

I knew that I would end up talking or speaking most of the time to them, but I knew Zacky would break the ice for me. I knew that he would make them love us once they saw us.

Everyone had to love Zacky.

I breathed in deeply, and I shook my hands out. I guess I was as ready as I would ever be right now. If I waited any longer, I knew that I would end up running down the street with tears pouring out of my eyes.

I slowly brought my hand to the door bell, and my index finger weakly pressed the button. I didn’t push hard enough, and the sick feeling in my stomach didn’t help me either.

I pressed the button again, this time hard enough. I could hear the tune playing through the house. It was a happy tune, fitting the happy neighborhood look this place was in.

I could hear voices and footsteps reaching the door.

“She is going to ruin this!” I heard a woman’s voice say. I glared. I knew that voice. How could I ever forget that damned voice?

She was the one who made sure she made my short time with her a living hell. She was the one who I hated nearly more than that man she was married to.

How I wished I could punch her right in her face right now. I thought it was amazing how she could piss me off this quickly.

She must still be such a huge bitch then.

“Shut up, she might do something right for once.” I heard a man’s voice say.

I gritted my teeth together.

Never mind; I knew that I hated this man way more than that damned woman. He was the reason, well one of the reasons why this was so damn hard for me to even ring a door bell properly the first time I tried.

“It’ll be fine,” Zacky whispered to me. He squeezed my hand lightly, and I nodded weakly.

The door opened, and I quickly put up a fake smile. I didn’t need them hating me, and then they wouldn’t feel obligated to do me any more favors.

I stared at the couple before me.

The man’s hair was still black, not a single grey or white strand in sight. I wondered if he dyed his hair. His green eyes didn’t shine like Zacky’s at all. They almost seemed dead.

The woman looked exactly the same as she did years ago. She still had her short blond hair that barely reached her shoulders. Her blue eyes were shiny actually. I guessed that the sun was just hitting them right though.

“Hello, Emma,” her voice said. She had this wicked grin on her face. I think she hates me as much as I still do.

“Hello, Tania,” I said sweetly.

Zacky’s grip on my hand tightened a little. He knew that I was getting prissy already.

“Emma,” the man said. “Hello, Father.” I said.

“Now this isn’t about us,” my dad said. I nodded.

“It’s about Anna,” I said. “Yes, it’s about your daughter,” Tania said.

I knew what she was getting at. She was just trying to rub it right in my face that I pretty much abandoned my own child.

But who were they to lecture me? My dad beat me. His wife emotionally tortured me every day I was with her. It wasn’t like they were exactly perfect.

“Can we come in?” Zacky asked. My dad shot him a dirty look.

Oh, right… Zacky beat the crap out of him, while we were in high school. I didn’t think my father would actually remember his face.

“Oh, of course do come inside,” Tania said. I didn’t like the way she was eying Zacky up.

I couldn’t tell if she was checking him out or if she was just interested in who the hell he was.

They led us to the living room, and Zacky and I sat down on the white couch. Tania sat down to Zacky’s right, and my father sat down in his armchair.

“Is he the father?” Tania asked. I glared at her.

“No, I was raped, remember?” I asked. She giggled.

“Oh, now I remember. I would’ve thought Emily would’ve been a better target though. I mean she’s smaller, and she’s prettier,” she muttered.

She always had a soft spot for Emily.

“She wasn’t in Peru with me. She was actually here in Huntington with her boyfriend, Johnny.” I said.

“Oh, she has a boyfriend? That’s nice. I bet they look so adorable together,” Tania said.

“They are,” I said. “She’s engaged to him,” Zacky said.

“Engaged? Well, Emily does know how to reel them in then. I always knew she’d be the first one to get married,” Tania said.

I bit down on my lip, praying that I wouldn’t roll my eyes or scream at this woman any time soon.

“Yeah, and she has a son too. His name is Yancy,” Zacky said.

I could see that Tania did not like my nephew’s name because she had this look of disgust on her face. Or maybe she was displeased knowing that Emily had a child, before she was even married.

“Well, that sounds great,” my dad said for her. Tania just nodded.

“So where is Anna?” Zacky asked. “She’s taking a nap right now. She’ll be up in a few minutes or so,” Tania said.

“Did you tell her who I was?” I asked. Tania shrugged. So they didn’t?

“We told her she had someone coming to visit her,” Tania said. “But she’ll know who you are. She has a picture of you in her room. She knows you’re her mother,” my dad said.

Okay, so the kid knows my face already. Great. Then I won’t have much explaining to do then.

“Mommy, that you?”