Second Heartbeat

I woke up to another shining morning. Charles' arms were wrapped around my waist. He was mumbling about insulin. God, he was so into his medicine.

I rolled over to my side, moving Charles' arms away from my waist.

I sighed deeply.

Why did seeing Zacky mess me up that much? I hadn't seen him in years, and I liked it that way. Zacky's first words weren't exactly nice, and they just had to be about sex, didn't they?

Typical Zacky....

He was with one of his groupies too. I heard he had a girlfriend named Gena. I guess they broke up or something. Or maybe Zacky was back to his cheating ways. His relationship with me made him a cheater.

Once a cheater, always a cheater, right?

Zacky, even, said I was nothing. Then again, he was just telling his groupie that. She was nobody, and maybe he just wanted her to leave since he was done with her. Or was I really nothing to Zacky now?

Zacky said hi to me, and he even laughed at Charles, telling him he didn't know me very well. Well, I don't think Zacky knows me at all anymore.

I haven't changed much, but did he actually know me all that well before?

And why couldn't my eyes drift away from Zacky? His presence shouldn't mean anything to me anymore.

I should be disgusted with him. I shouldn't be entranced by him. He seemed fairly disgusted with me.

I closed my eyes.

Why was he getting on my nerves? Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

I should just avoid him. When we were together, he made me happy. But then again, he made me sad too.

Our relationship then didn't really make sense. I fell in love too quickly, and so did he. We were in love for all the wrong reasons. Nothing should've felt right. Everything should've felt wrong and dirty.

My mom ended up being right. She said he reminded her of my dad, and he did end up cheating on me, just like my dad with my mom. So moms always know best, right?

No, I still felt the attraction to Zacky. Whether or not it was just physical was beyond me.

I looked over at Charles.

He didn't remind me of Zacky at all. Maybe that's why I gave him a chance. I dated plenty of other guys, but they all had characteristics of Zacky.

Whether it was the black hair, green eyes, or his love of baseball I had to have a guy that reminded me of him.

But with Charles, it was different.

Charles had brown hair, blue eyes, and he hated baseball. Even their bodies were completely different. Zacky and Charles were both tall, but Charles was nearly as tall as Jimmy.

Zacky was nowhere near Charles built either. Charles had to be bigger than Matt. Plus Zacky had always been a little pudgy.

Their personalities were different too.

Charles treated me as an equal. He didn't do too many special things as Zacky would do.

Zacky tried to treat me like a princess, something fragile. Charles made me apologize to him, when I was wrong. Zacky never let me apologize. Whenever I did something wrong, Zacky always said it was his fault.

I touched Charles' cheek with my finger. He moved slightly, and his eyes fluttered open.

"Morning, beautiful." He said. I smiled.

Charles was a light sleeper, where Zacky was the exact opposite.

"Morning," I said softly. "Something wrong?" I shook my head.

"Nope, everything's good." He smiled widely. "What are we gonna do today?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I'll call Emily later and ask." He nodded slightly.

"Are you gonna tell me why we had to leave yesterday?" I nodded.

"It had to do something with Zacky, didn't it?" He asked. I nodded.

"Zacky and I used to date," I said. His eyes widened.

"What?"

"We broke up. It was nothing. We were together for a couple of months, that's all." I said. "But why aren't you two on good terms now?"

"He cheated on me, and I left him. We didn't break up on good terms, considering he still wanted me back." I said. "I could understand why he wouldn't let go of you," Charles muttered.

"Good enough explanation for you?" I asked. He nodded.

"Wait, does he still have feelings for you?" I shook my head.

"I doubt it. It's been about four years now since I've even seen him." I said.

"And you don't have any leftover feelings for him, right?" He asked. "Of course not," I said.

Now I wasn't exactly lying, I wasn't sure. I just didn't want Charles worrying about losing me, when that wasn't going to happen.

"Okay, good. Now, Babe?" "Hmm?" "I'm hungry," he whined. I smiled.

"Okay, go get dressed, and we'll go over to Emily's." I said.

He nodded happily as he got up.

"Imma gonna shower first," he said. I smiled.

He looked so weird.

I sighed as I laid down on the bed.

My hair was in a ponytail, and it was beginning to bug me. I shook my head a little, hoping it'd mess my hair up a bit.

I looked up at the ceiling.

The plain white paint was irritating me.

Why couldn't there be something out of place, something to make it look bad?

I liked stuff, when they weren't so damn perfect. Perfect things made me feel so self-conscious. Made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

I sighed as I finally got up.

Was that why I liked Zacky? Because I knew he wasn't perfect? He was a cheater, something I could never be. Something that made me slightly better than him.

I shook my head.

Was I really that shallow?

Charles was most definitely the closest thing to perfection that I knew. He was charming, sweet, smart, and very good-looking. The only bad things about him was that he sometimes left the toilet seat up and that he hated cheese.

Charles and I were so good. Sure, sometimes I swore he was too good for me, but he always managed to make me feel so good. He could hold me in a way that would make all my troubles away.

His kisses were sweet and soft, almost addicting. His hugs were big and long, making me feel so protected from the harsh realities.

I could tell almost anything to Charles. He didn't judge me. He loved me, he said so last night. The only thing was that I didn't say I loved him.

We've been going out for two years, and I still haven't said it. Was I just not ready for that sort of commitment? Or was it just because it was Charles?

I sighed.

Why couldn't everything be so simple. Why couldn't I say, "I love you"' to Charles without all this drama. It should be very easy actually.

He was the best guy in this whole world. Hell, any girl would be lucky to have him!

So why was my mind on Zacky?