Drowning Lessons

November 7, 2007
9:00 PM

A voice.

A voice was calling my name. It sounded familiar but I couldn't make out who it was. It wasn't that same voice I heard earlier, I knew that.

I was swimming in darkness; engulfed in a dreamless sleep. I could think like I was awake, but my eyes still wanted to be asleep, they didn't want to open.

I was confused and I didn't know where I was or what had happened. I heard the voice again but still I didn't know who it was or what they were saying. I knew they were calling my name, but I couldn't make out the rest......

"Brianna, wake up!"

My eyes shot open against it's will. It was dark; only the police cars, ambulance trucks, and headlights providing the light. There had to be at least twenty of them; the police cars. I examined the cops around me.

Some where blocking and directing traffic above me along the highway, some where talking to witnesses, and others placed yellow caution tape around the scene. I was so in awe of the whole situation I failed to notice the rain falling on top of me or a hand holding onto mine at first. I turned to my left to see who it was.

"Oh thank God!" The person cried tightening their grip, noticing I was awake. This made me cry out in pain as the caustic sensation traveled up my arm. I knew who it was now; it was my father. He winced. "Sorry, baby girl."

He turned to tell the police I was awake as I called out for him.

"...Daddy?" I cried, still confused.

He looked back at me. His face was wet and I wasn't sure if it was tears or just the rain falling down on his face.

"What is it?" He managed to ask me. He could barely speak; he was getting choked up like he was about to burst into tears at any moment. Now I knew it wasn't the rain falling on his face; he had been crying.

I had so many questions. I tried to remain calm and ask one question at a time, so I tried my best.

"What happened daddy? Why am I here? I wanna go home! Let's just go home okay?" I tried to get up but something didn't let me. I feel back down with a thud making my insides burn.

He shook his head. "No Brianna, I'm sorry but you can't go home yet. We have to...get you out of here first."

I stared at him, giving him a confused look. "Get me out.....of what?"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "You mean, you don't remember? You were in a car--accident. You're stuck in the car..."

What...?

I looked behind me. The car was totaled which wasn't a big surprise to me. The lower half of my body was inside the car while the upper half hung out the broken window. The car appeared to be upside down, and I was crushed inside.

"Oh my god! Daddy! Help! Get me out!" shouted as I tried pulling myself out but failed miserably.

"Brianna, just stay calm, we're going to get you out. Just don't try and get out yourself, you'll only make it worse." A firefighter told me as he grabbed the jaws of life. "Don't move, okay?"

I nodded, holding back unwanted tears. I looked back and my dad.

"Where's mom?" I asked. "Where's Lacey?" I added, remembering who I was with.

"Your mother is talking to one of the police officers and...Lacey was taken to the hospital--"

"---And?" I asked him. The way he talked, it sounded like he was about to say something else but didn't.

"Just don't worry Brianna, alright?"

I sighed and held my tongue although I wanted to know what he was going to say.

"Brianna, just a warning. This is going to hurt a little, alright?" The firefighter exclaimed.

"What...?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little drowsy.

"...I'm just...giving you a warning. It's going to hurt a little."

What is going on? I can barely understand what he's saying!

I nodded anyway, hoping it was the right reaction to whatever he was saying.

Suddenly a drilling sound filled my ears, but it was so faint, like it was two thousand miles away, that it didn't seem to bug me at all. But the pain was more than I could handle.

But I didn't cry; I couldn't. I tried to cry, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

I just stared ahead of me blankly despite the pain. The only person I thought about was Lacey. I didn't want to think the worst but I couldn't help but sense a spark of doubt.

Was she really going to be alright? What happened to her anyway? I...don't really recall her being in the car as it rolled off the highway and into the ditch. I remember now that I called out her name. She didn't answer me. Maybe she fell unconsious? Or maybe she was too shocked to answer? What if it was worse? I couldn't bare to live with myself if she....died...

The moment I thought about my "dead" theory, I couldn't believe it.

How could I even think that? Why can't I just think positive, just once!

I sighed not knowing if I really did, or if I just told my mind I did so. It really didn't matter to me anyway. All that mattered at the moment was Lacey. Just the thought of her made my heart pound hard against my chest. Which, of course, was a downfall for me because of all the damage my bones took from the accident.

It hurt so badly but my heart just wouldn't stop pounding at such a fast rate. I knew I shouldn't be complaining. Lacey was probably in worse shape.

But yet again, as hard as I tried, I couldn't bring myself to cry. I was still petrified by this whole situation. I think I was still in the "denial phase".

Although... if I really was in denial, I wouldn't know I was, right? Oh, who knows! I really don't care about that. Not right now anyway. But I couldn't help but to go back to health class, trying to remember what all I learned about coping with death. The steps ran through my mind over and over again.

"You're doing well, baby girl. You'll be alright." My father told me in almost a whisper. He was just as frightened and shocked as I was; maybe even more.

Not once did I blink, move, or say a thing. It was as if I was in some kind of deep trance. I was trying to make sense of what he was saying because I could barely hear him. I tried to concentrate. I almost lost the ability to respond and it took a lot of energy just to turn my head to face him. It was almost as if I was an infant all over again. I couldn't think straight, nor could I speak. I even had to remember how to blink and I was afraid of forgeting how to breathe.

"...Huh?" I finally asked in confusion. I thought I was gonna pass out at any moment and it was hard to see him. I had to squint and I noticed the worried look spread across his face.

"Brianna, are you alright?" He asked. His voice seemed so far away. It even echoed through my mind. It was as if I was in another world. I had this sudden urge to just want to sleep; I was so tired.

"Need--sleep daddy. Need--rest."

He grew more worried at my lack of speech and the inability to use full sentences.

He looked at me with a frown and looked over my pale, drowsy face. He was about to say something else. I could kind of see his mouth moving but no sound came through my ears.

I could hear nothing but my heart and head pounding furiously. I thought my brain would explode at any given moment. I wanted to say something. I wanted to cry out "daddy" once more for help but my face hit the ground before I could.

And when it did, it felt as if I was falling a thousand feet off the top of a cliff, and before I knew what was happening I was out like a light.