Last Kiss Goodbye

I stepped inside the one and only place I could call home-besides the tour bus with the guys-my house. I saw my girlfriend, Michelle, sprawled out on the couch watching television. I hung up my jacket, sat myself beside her, and gave her a quick kiss. I looked away from her and glanced at the television set to see what she was watching. It was I Love Money 2, I hate that show.

“Babe, can you put on CSI or something?” I groaned. She always watched her shows, got what she want, and did what she wanted.

“C’mon, it’s almost over!” She whined, giving me a pleading look. As usual, I sighed and gave in. What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact ‘almost over’ meant ‘there’s 45 minutes left.’ I was about to blow my head off. While watching this completely pointless show, I heard something familiar ringing throughout the house.

Like the rising tide
Beating hearts grow but never die.
Simplify, I’ll stand by your side,
Close my eyes, hope will never die.

Two Become One by Atreyu started to play. I looked at my phone to see someone who I didn’t expect to be calling me, calling. I excused myself from the couch and walked out to the backyard. Sydney was calling; she was my ex-fiancée. I flipped open my phone, curious of why she was calling me after years of not being together.

“Brian,” Her angelic voice sang through the speakers of my phone. I haven’t heard that voice in so long, and how I missed it. Stop fooling yourself, Haner, you have Michelle! I told myself.

“Sydney, why are you calling me? It’s been seven years since I saw you, and it was over back then.” A rush of anxiety brushed over me. If Michelle found out I was talking to her, I would be murdered.

“Well you promised seven years ago over the summer we would wind up together forever.”

“But that was before you cheated on me, you lied straight to my face. You said you were going out with your friends, but no, you come home looking like some guy fucked you on the sidewalk! You were drunk off your ass too, and all those times you went out with your friends, it had to have been him! You were so damn hard to get over, and I somehow was just getting over it. Why are you calling me now?” I sat myself on the bench, overwhelmed with emotions. They say men don’t cry, but I was on the verge of tears.

Where the hell is she? I asked myself. She left at 6pm, telling me she was going out with her friends. Normally I’d be asleep by now, but I decided to stay up late tonight and wait for why she was coming home so late, again. Finally, at 4 o’clock in the morning, a familiar figure walks through the door. Only this time, the familiar figure has sex hair, hickeys, and her clothes on backwards. That was enough right there to prove she was lying.

“Oh, hi, Bri!” She giggled loudly. She approached me and reached in for a hug, but I pushed her away.

“Why were you with another man? Am I not good enough for you anymore? Don’t deny it either unless you have the ability to give yourself sex hair and hickeys.” I demanded an answer right now. From such a sweet innocent girl, I would’ve never expected this from her. But I guess I should’ve thought twice about her now, the good girls aren’t always what they appear to be.

“I’m so sorry,” She whimpered and gave me an apologetic look. She seemed to just have started too sober up a bit. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“How long has this been going on?” I asked.

“Three weeks now.” She made it almost impossible for me to hear her.

“Pack your bags and get out of my house. That man is apparently better than me. We’re over, Sydney. You betrayed me when you were the only person I could trust and confide in. Well consider that trust gone!” I screamed and stormed out of the house. I shoved my keys in the ignition and speeded to the closest open bar. I decided it was my turn to get fucked up.

The haunting memory of that night hit me like a bullet. A tear fell from my eye as I tried to push the thought in the back of my head. I’m a man, I told myself, I don’t cry.

“Brian, I’ve changed. I don’t drink as much anymore and my heart is still taken by you. I was young, only 21, and stupid. Please just see me now, at the beach?” She was practically begging like an old homeless person for change. Her voice was cracking; she was too now fighting back tears.

“I can’t. I’m tempted to, but I have a girlfriend now. What would she think of this?” I sighed. Yes, I have Michelle, but it’s not the same with Michelle and I as it was with Sydney and me. Michelle treats me like a slave for most of the time; Sydney just gave her love and affection-until she cheated on me.

“Just for a little, please! Just say you’re going to the store or something.” As I did earlier with Michelle, I did with Sydney. I gave into her plea. I pulled out a pen jotted down the beach, and where to meet her on my hand. I’d have to wash that off before I got home.

I walked back inside and told Michelle I was going shopping for a new guitar and would be back whenever. Despite the fact of feeling guilty, I pushed the keys in the car, and headed to the beach. The sun was setting in the oddly colored orange and pink sky; it looked beautiful overlooking the beach. I stepped out of my car and walked out to find a girl standing by the rocks. It was the beautiful girl I almost married years ago. I called out her name, and she turned around.

She walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her the way I used to. It felt so right, but wrong at the same time. There was still Michelle. We stepped back from each other and exchanged an uneasy smile, nervous about to what was to happen. I looked her up and down; her hair was longer and dyed brown. She seemed to have grown a little taller, and her face had changed. My god, she looked even more stunning than before.

“Hey,” I said breaking the awkward silence that surrounded us.

“Hi.” She whispered, looking up from the ground. “I miss you, Brian Elwin Haner Jr., I need you. Please just give me one last chance!”

“I just can’t, I’m sorry. I have someone else now. I know I said you were hard to get over, and I wasn’t lying, but I can’t break Michelle’s heart. I’m sorry, Sydney, I can’t trust you either after what you did. Goodbye, sweetheart,” I choked on my words; I always used to call her sweetheart. I leaned into her and kissed her lips one last time.

I walked back to the car, not waiting for a response, and drove away. I didn’t even bother to look back at the one girl I gave my heart to. 20% of me told me this was right, but the other 80% told me it was wrong. It told me I should’ve gotten back with her. I pulled up to the driveway and slammed my head back on the seat.

I may be a man, but I can cry. I told myself as a flood of tears left my eyes.