Super Avenged

“The Joker is the coolest Batman villain, period!”

“No, Poison Ivy is the coolest! She was played by Uma Thurman! You can’t beat that!”

“Well, Heath Ledger played the Joker, and he did it quite brilliantly!”

“Yeah, well, Poison Ivy is really pretty.”

“Most women would agree that Heath Ledger is pretty hot.”

“But he wasn’t hot as the Joker,” I argued. “I thought he was quite creepy as the Joker. However, Poison Ivy was pretty the entire time.”

“The Joker is the coolest,” Jimmy insisted. “I’m not arguing with you over this fact anymore.”

“Fine,” I huffed with a roll of my eyes. Jimmy smiled triumphantly, taking an extremely proud bite out of his sandwich.

Our relationship had, indeed, changed after I told Jimmy my little heartbreak story. It had changed for the better. Just sharing such a secret about my life had made us grown closer, and I no longer strongly disliked him. He was actually my best friend of late, and I always joked that I only disliked him now, but not strongly. Jimmy knew that I liked him as a friend, though, so he just joked along with it.

It was about a week after I’d told my story to him. We sat outside of a little diner, sitting at one of the tables with an umbrella standing guard above it. People walked by on the sidewalk. Some recognized Jimmy and I and paused to gawk at the hotel heiress and the superhero hanging out, but none of them stepped up to confront us. Jimmy and I just ignored them, going on with our conversation as they weren’t even there.

“But Poison Ivy’s still cooler,” I mumbled beneath my breath. Jimmy threw his sandwich down on his plate. He arm shot out and stretched to wrap around my throat like a python covered in tattoos. Everyone at the tables around us stared with wide eyes, obviously fearful of what would happen next.

“Say that again, Miya,” Jimmy growled. I smirked, calmly grabbing my glass and taking a sip from the straw before placing it down.

“Poison Ivy’s still cooler,” I repeated. Jimmy’s arm tightened slightly, but it only felt like a too-tight turtleneck, causing only minimal discomfort but no pain or worry. To everyone else, it would look like he was actually hurting me.

“Why would you say something like that?” Jimmy sobbed, sounding suddenly extremely hurt. “I...I thought you were my friend!”

“Dude, Poison Ivy is cooler, and you know it,” I said soothingly, patting his arm that bound my neck. “It’s okay to be wrong sometimes.”

“Okay, okay,” Jimmy whispered, wiping away tears that weren’t really there. His arm slithered away from my neck, and we both glanced around at our wide-eyed audience before bursting into laughter. Our audience, realizing it was a joke, chuckled to themselves or nervously smiled before going back to their meals.

“People are so gullible nowadays,” I commented, going back to my sandwich.

“Indeed they are,” Jimmy agreed, taking a bite from his sandwich as well. “I mean, seriously, I wouldn’t ever consider hurting you, really. Well, unless I found you cheating on me with another best friend.” Jimmy raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“You are my only best friend, Jimmy,” I reassured him. “And no one could ever replace you in my heart.”

“Do you have a piece of paper?” Jimmy asked seriously, searching his pockets for a pen. “I want to write that down for my cheesy proposal speech...”

“Oh, ha, ha, funny, funny,” I snapped. Jimmy just smirked.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant robot dropped down into the street beside the diner. It looked a lot like the robot that had tried to attack me before, except this one was smaller and looked a little bit more complicated. Its right arm looked like a giant gun, with a spinning cylinder attached with different attachments for the gun.

Everyone on the street fled for cover. Some pulled out their cell phones and ran away backwards to capture the image of the robot. Jimmy and I shot to our feet. The robot glared down at us out of glowing red eyes that were exactly like the previous robot’s.

“What is it with you and robots?” Jimmy asked out of the corner of his mouth. I shrugged, staring perplexedly up at the robot.

It swung its right arm around and aimed it at me. Before Jimmy or I could react, the cylinder spun and one of the attachments shoved itself onto the end of the gun with a loud click. The gun shot, and a giant net launched out of it. I screamed and tried to dive away, but the net slammed into my body and wrapped tightly around me before I toppled over.

Jimmy ran over to me. He tried to pull the net away from my body, but the robot was pulling back its left arm and clenching its thick metal fingers into a fist.

“Look out!” I shrieked as the left arm descended straight towards Jimmy. Jimmy looked over and rolled quickly out of the way. The fist slammed into the concrete right where Jimmy had been. The robot wrenched its hand out of the ground, revealing a huge crater. As the robot was distracted, Jimmy pulled open the belt buckle on his belt and pushed the button that would set off the alarm at his house. Hopefully, his buddies would be here soon.

“Hold tight for a few minutes,” Jimmy said, patting my head. I nodded and watched as he loped towards the robot. I watched him grow until he was bigger than the robot so that he could fight him, and then began to try to free myself from the net. But no matter which way I rolled or turned or twisted or pulled, the net wouldn’t release me.

I heard a yell from Jimmy and looked over in time to see him fall over in the street, clutching his stomach. I deduced that the robot had punched him in the gut. It turned towards me and reached out with its left arm.

Suddenly, I was slung over someone’s shoulder. Just as quickly, I was deposited back on the ground about thirty feet down the street from the robot. I looked up to see Synyster Gates standing next to me, smirking down at me.

“Synyster Gates is here to save the day,” he announced, running a hand through his hair and staring into the distance. “And if you’re the day, then I will save you any time.” He winked at me.

“You’re a douche bag,” I spat. Even though I was friendly to Jimmy, it didn’t mean I didn’t hate his friends any less.

“Oh, don’t be that way,” Synyster cooed. He leaned down lightning-fast and pecked me on the lips.

“You bastard!” I shrieked at him.

“Can’t help my feelings, baby,” he said with a shrug. I was about to tell him where he could shove his feelings, but then he sped away to help his friends. I seethed after him, grinding my teeth as his cockiness and douche bag-likeness.

“Yes, he is cocky, and he is a douche bag,” Zacky Vengeance agreed as he hurried over to me. He stood me up and kept me from falling over again by using telekinesis. Then, he began to unwrap the net from around me. “But every woman, single or married or divorced or widowed, wants him, so he thinks that every woman will just swoon over him.”

“Not me,” I grumbled.

“Well, except for you,” Zacky agreed, concentrating on getting the net off of my body. “And he resents that, which is why he treats you the way he does.”

“Well, he better stop or I’ll talk Jimmy into popping his head off like a dandelion,” I snapped. “I would do it, without regret.”

“And Jimmy might actually consider doing it,” Zacky said. Finally, the rough net fell away from my body and pooled at my feet.

“Thanks,” I said. Zacky just nodded before turning and running back towards the robot.

But the battle was already fought and won. The robot lay on the ground, twitching as the previous one had. Both of its glowing red eyes had been smashed to bits, and they no longer glowed. They now looked like a taillight during the daytime when the person driving the car isn’t braking.

Jimmy quickly hurried over to me. He framed my face in his hands and began to study my head, obviously searching for signs of damage.

“I’m fine,” I reassured him, pulling his hands away from my face. “I promise I am.”

“Mhm,” Jimmy answered off-handedly. He began to walk in a slow circle around me, poking me randomly. I guess it was to make sure I didn’t have any bruises that would hurt if prodded. I let him for a few moments, but then it got annoying, so I spun around and smacked his arm away.

“Jimmy! I’m fine!” I cried.

“Okay! Okay!” Jimmy exclaimed, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

“So...Second robot to attack you in a month,” M. Shadows pointed out, kicking the leg of the robot. “I think that maybe someone’s out to get you.”

“It’s has to be her artistic rival,” Jimmy said in a certain tone of voice. He turned to me. “Do you have any of those?”

“Not that I know of,” I answered. “And, Jimmy, I doubt they would use robots as a means to get me.”

“True, true,” Jimmy agreed thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. “And if they did, it would look like a Picasso painting, with its head attached to its ass or something. So the artists are out of the suspect list.”

“What suspect list?” Zacky Vengeance asked.

“The one I just made up in my head,” Jimmy snapped. “Now let me think.”

“Jimmy, you’re no detective,” I told him. I dragged his arm down away from his face. “And stop rubbing your chin like that, or you’ll wear away what little facial hair you do have!”

“I have facial hair!” Jimmy sputtered. Obviously, I struck a chord with that comment. “I just shaved this morning, that’s all! I could grow a great beard, if I wanted to.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because I don’t want to,” Jimmy answered. I just shook my head at him.

“Well, I think that we should be on high alert concerning you,” Johnny Christ announced, sitting down on the leg of the robot. “It can’t just be coincidence that both robots came specifically for you.”

“What do you mean by ‘high alert’?” I asked tentatively.

“We could set up surveillance at her apartment,” M. Shadows suggested.

“No!” I exclaimed. “You aren’t going to put cameras in my apartment, because I know he would sneak one into the shower!” I pointed accusingly at Synyster Gates.

“Who, me?” he asked, pointing at himself. “Nah, I wouldn’t dream of such a thing! Well, I might fantasize about it...”

“See!?” I exclaimed.

“No, surveillance would be too much of an undertaking,” Zacky Vengeance said. “None of us would have the time to watch what was going on. We do have the rest of the city to protect too, you know.”

“I have an idea,” Jimmy announced. Everyone looked around at him. “I could just stay with her, like, all the time. It would be simple enough. I could protect her, and if I needed to come help you guys, then I could, I don’t know, lock her in a basement somewhere where she would be safe.”

“That’s a good idea,” M. Shadows agreed, “except for the basement part. We’ll just call upon you for help if it’s really needed. Otherwise, she can be your top priority.”

“Do you know what this means?” Jimmy asked me excitedly.

“What?”

“Slumber party!” he exclaimed. I laughed, but sadly shook my head.

“Oh, boy...”