Super Avenged

“Junk...junk...junk...more junk...Oh, and look, some more junk! Junk...Twinkies! They aren’t junk, but they aren’t dinner either. Ramen Noodles, too! The lazy man’s provisions, however, and completely unsatisfactory for a guest...Ooh, here’s something promising,” Jimmy announced later that day, pulling out a box of Shake and Bake chicken. I sat on one of the counters in the kitchen, and I was letting Jimmy decide what would be for dinner He had spent the past five minutes going through everything in my kitchen, muttering comments under his breath the entire time. I hadn’t breathed the entire time either, because his comments were just too hilarious.

Jimmy turned triumphantly towards me, but his face fell when he saw my ruby red face. “Miya, take a deep breath.”

“I’m...trying!” I gasped. I sucked in a deep lungful of air and slowly released it, letting my silent laughter die away. Jimmy smiled again once he saw that I had resumed breathing, and marched over to me and held out the box. I took it from him and turned it over to read the instructions on the back.

“And, we have the perfect equation for making Shake and Bake,” Jimmy informed me. “One person plus one person equals amazingly delicious Shake and Bake.”

“How do you equate that?” I asked, looking up from the box. I felt a surge of jealousy course through my veins when I saw that even sitting on the counter, my head wasn’t level to his. But the jealously soon went away, and I was back to waiting patiently for him to answer.

“You see, exactly two people are needed to make Shake and Bake,” Jimmy began patiently. “One person shakes, while the other person bakes. Now, you can’t have one person making Shake and Bake. They would have to shake and bake. They would be so tired from shaking that they wouldn’t have enough comprehension to bake well. However, three people can’t make Shake and Bake either, because one person would shake, one person would bake, but the third person would only be able to stand there looking like a complete and total moron. Therefore, Miya, we have the perfect equation for delicious Shake and Bake.”

“Or,” I replied, “the one person could shake gently, and then still have plenty of energy to bake. As for the three people, the third person could set the table and pour the drinks.”

Jimmy suddenly fake-sneezed. He blinked down at me. “Excuse me, Miya, but I’m allergic to logic.”

“Well, then you should be dying,” I told him. “Because there’s a hell of a lot of logic clinging to me.”

“I took my allergy pill,” Jimmy said. “I’ll be okay. So, who’s going to shake, and who’s going to bake?”

“Well, superhero, I figure you should do both, because since you’re a super person, you can do more than the average man. It’s possible for you to do both ends of the bargain,” I answered with a smug smirk.

“Miya, do you want to keep your apartment fire-free?” Jimmy asked solemnly. I nodded. “Then you’ll want me to shake. I can’t bake at all. I can warm up shit in the microwave, but that’s the extent of my cooking abilities.”

“Okay,” I said reluctantly, pulling the box open. “I’ll bake, and you can shake.”

((*****))

B-BOOM!

I involuntarily shrieked and rocketed up into a sitting position. I looked out of my bedroom window, only to see the night shrouded in total darkness. A neon light clicked on somewhere in the sky, and it flashed a brilliant white before fading back to black. Seconds later, another humongous B-BOOM tore through my ear drums.

I squeaked fearfully and curled my knees to my chest. I pressed my palms hard against my ears, trying to drown out the thunder. I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as they would allow, and sat in fearful anticipation of the next thunder blast.

B-BOOM! The thunder came again seconds after the darkness behind my eyelids flashed blindingly white. I tried to take deep breaths, forcing myself to be calm. Thunder and I, we didn’t have a good relationship. Everything bad that happened to me happened during a thunderstorm. My dad’s funeral was during a thunderstorm, and every time I heard thunder I saw in my mind’s eye how devastated Mom was on that day. Her heart had been shattered so horribly by Father’s death, and she didn’t even have a body to put in the coffin.

B-BOOM! Yet another thunderclap assaulted my ears. Finally, all my will-power broke. I snapped open my eyes, pulled my hands away from my ears, and kicked the covers off of my legs. I then proceeded to run from my room like a sissy girl and into the guest bedroom, where Jimmy was sleeping.

He wasn’t even awake. The thunderclaps weren’t even bothering him. He slept soundly, his shut-eye unhindered by fears of a noise. I tip-toed towards his bed, all the while trying to convince myself to go back to my bedroom. Thunderstorms never lasted forever. This one would be over before I knew it.

An unexpected burst of thunder forced an involuntary squeak of surprise to erupt from between my lips. I dove beneath Jimmy’s covers before slowly poking my head out of the top of them. Jimmy had his back to me, and I quickly tapped his shoulder.

He instantly awoke at my touch. He sat up and looked down at me, blinking in a confused fashion. I wiggled my fingers at him by way of greeting.

“Miya, what’s wrong?” he asked. I jabbed my finger towards the window, and Jimmy looked around just as lightning forked across the sky. I braced myself for the thunderclap, and it came almost instantly.

B-BOOM!

“Oh, are you scared of thunder?” Jimmy guessed, looking back at me. I nodded, staring fearfully up at him. He lay back down and wrapped his arm around me. I curled up against his side, my head resting against the soft cotton t-shirt covering his torso.

“You know, it’s just a noise,” Jimmy said a few moments later. His hand slid up and down my back, and it calmed me down quickly.

“I’ve had a horrible past with thunder,” I answered. “Everything bad that happens to me happens during a thunderstorm. The whole Brendan attack happened during a thunderstorm. My father’s funeral was during a thunderstorm. And I’ll bet my artistic abilities that I’ll die on a day when a thunderstorm is happening.”

“Oh,” Jimmy said softly. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Don’t worry. I’m a superhero, and I think I’ll be pretty good at protecting you from the thunder.”

He sounded completely serious, too. His tone wasn’t sarcastic or joking or mocking. He actually meant that he would protect me from the thunder.

I smiled and snuggled closer to Jimmy. Soon, despite the thunderstorm still beating against the window, I fell asleep again, using Jimmy as a pillow, and also as a protector.