Super Avenged

Well, this was an interesting turn for the day. A giant tin can was walking towards me, obviously intent on capturing me like a little kid grabbing a firefly. God, this would be all over the news. But hey, maybe more people would be introduced to my artwork...that might not be a bad thing! Well, it might not matter anyway, if I didn’t live through this little ordeal.

Most of the people on the sidewalk had cleared out by now, leaving me standing frozen on the concrete. The robot advanced swiftly towards me, the sunlight glinting off its polished steel epidermis. It was close enough now that every step shuddered through the ground beneath me. When the foot slammed into the pavement about fifteen feet from me, I whirled around and finally tried to run away.

A big steel hand karate-chopped the sidewalk a few feet in front of me. The concrete buckled upward around the hand. I shrieked and scrambled back, turning to run the other way. The other hand slammed into the sidewalk in front of me. I was trapped between the two hands, both mere feet from me. I stumbled away, looking up at the robot. It leaned its face closer to me, using its hands to prop itself up so it wouldn’t fall forward.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard a scream that sounded very much like a scream-o scream. I saw the rippling shock waves reverberate through the air before connecting with the robot’s head. Its head lurched to the side, and it swung the oval metal cranium around. I looked over too, only to see M. Shadows standing on the pavement, glaring up at the robot.

Oh, boy. Doesn’t this just beat all? I’m being saved by Super Avenged. How lovely for me.

Suddenly, one of the crushed cars that the robot had stepped on slammed into its torso, followed by about three other crushed cars. The robot staggered to the side, and its giant metal palm slid across the sidewalk towards me. I would be crushed between its hands.

Suddenly, something wrapped tightly around my waist and dragged me up into the air. The edge of my flip-flop stuck between the two palms—I was THAT close to being crushed—and the strap snapped off, leaving me with one flip-flop. And that was my favorite pair, too!

The something set me back on my feet and unraveled from the waist. As it retreated away from my body, I realized the something was an extended arm. Of course, it belonged to none other than Rev, the really tall one of Super Avenged who could stretch or shrink his body. And the cars had been controlled by Zacky Vengeance, who was gifted (or hindered by, whichever way you looked at it) with telekinesis and telepathy.

“Nice day out, isn’t it?” a voice asked from beside me. I turned to find no one standing beside me. “Yeah, it’s awful pretty.” I turned to my other side to find Synyster Gates, the womanizer of the group, standing next to me, smirking. “It’s a pretty nice day to kick robot ass, I’ll tell you that much.”

He winked at me, smacked my ass, and then sped away before I could retaliate. The blur that I knew was Synyster Gates rocketed up one of the robot’s legs, up his body to his head, and launched into a roundhouse kick that slammed into right where the robot’s temple would be. It staggered to the side, and Rev stood on one side of the street. He stretched his arm across where the robot would cross, and secured it around one of the streetlights. The robot staggered sideways into his arm and tripped onto its side as Zacky Vengeance floated Synyster Gates safely to the ground.

Johnny Christ, the super strong, really short one, ran forward and slammed his hand right through the robot’s steel head. He ripped open a bigger hole, and Zacky Vengeance set to work ripping holes open with his telekinesis. Then, they began to tear wires out. The robot twitched for a few moments before lying still, sparks flying from the freshly torn wires.

“Good job, team!” M. Shadows yelled as he walked towards the robot. “Take that, tin can scum!” He smugly kicked the robot’s leg.

“Hey,” Synyster Gates said to me. I scowled around at him, and he merely smirked. He ran over to my other side faster than I could blink. “No need to be mad. You have a very nice ass. And I’m a man. I couldn’t help but smack it.” Then, he laughed, smacked it again, and sped away to high-five with Zacky Vengeance.

“I apologize for him,” Rev said solemnly, stepping up beside me and crossing his arms as he surveyed Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance congratulating each other. “He’s a man-whore, and other than running, fighting, and drinking, that’s all he knows.”

“I can tell,” I grumbled, rubbing my ass.

“Are you alright?” Rev asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I answered, looking down at myself to make sure. “I just lost a flip-flop, that’s all.”

“Did you like those flip-flops?” Rev asked. Police cars pulled up, sirens blaring. Cops began to pour out of them. Behind the police cars, news vans roared up and spit camera crews out of their backdoors.

“Yeah, a bit,” I answered. “They were my favorite pair.”

“I’m sorry,” Rev repeated. “But a lost flip-flop is better than a broken leg.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “That much is true.”