Super Avenged

Jimmy didn’t say a word as I stepped out of my studio carrying an easel tucked under my arm, paintbrushes, and paint. He sat folded upon the couch, staring so intently at the television that I knew he wasn’t paying any sort of attention to the screen. His forefinger drew an absent circle on the arm of the couch. I glanced back at him as I pulled the sliding door open. Still, he made no response. But I didn’t expect him to. He’d been pretty distant all day, and I was pretty sure I knew why: me.

I set up the easel in the corner of my balcony, looking hopefully up at the darkening night sky. I planned on painting the dusk just before night, right after the sun went down but before the stars came out to play. The sky was a beautiful navy blue with just a gentle dusting of gold. It looked perfect. With careful, smooth strokes, I began to paint.

Jimmy had been distant from me all day. He had stayed, but the apartment wasn’t lit up with carefree laughter and talk. Instead, the apartment felt bogged down with the dark cloud that my stubbornness and Jimmy’s frustration created above our heads. At first, I had tried to make small talk, but Jimmy barely responded. So, I gave it up, preferring to get myself cleaned up and as normal-looking as possible.

It wasn’t the same anymore: that was for sure. Jimmy knew that I loved him, but it frustrated him that I kept denying it, from both myself and him. And I knew that I was causing more drama than I needed to, but I just felt like men weren’t trustworthy anymore. I was fearful, and that fear increased my stubbornness, until it was alienating even my best friend.

But there wasn’t any reason for me to fear Jimmy. I had no reason to believe that Jimmy would hurt me. If he did, it wouldn’t be intentional, and he would apologize quickly. He told me not to live in fear. But how could I not, when Brendan had broken my heart so?

But Jimmy isn’t Brendan, is he? Jimmy’s a good guy. Brendan’s the villain in this story.

Yes, Jimmy wasn’t another Brendan. He would never be another Brendan. I should’ve realized that eight days ago, before I kicked Jimmy out. And I knew, deep down in my broken little heart, that I could trust Jimmy with anything. I could trust him with something as small as making sure my china didn’t get broken, and I could trust him with something as big as my life.

And I could trust Jimmy with my heart. At least, that’s what my heart told me. But could my heart be reliable, when it had made such a fatal mistake when it chose Brendan?

Did it really choose Brendan, though? Or did my mind do that for me? Thinking back, I could remember the first time I met Brendan. The details were unimportant, but I clearly remembered not feeling a leap of my heart. My eyes liked what I saw, though, and my eyes went to my brain and not my heart. Perhaps my brain was the one at fault here, and perhaps....just perhaps...my heart had been right all along.

“Such a fabulous take on the sky,” Jimmy commented from behind me. I started and whirled around to find him standing just outside the sliding door, his arms crossed over his chest. He towered over me, but it wasn’t an intimidating tallness. It was more of a Jolly Green Giant tallness.

“Wh-what?” I stammered, caught off guard by his sudden appearance. Jimmy nodded towards my painting and I turned around to find a ruined painting. At the top, it was dark blue, but then my hands had just gone AWOL as I sunk into my thoughts. Yellow and hot pink and orange and a strange mixture of green and purple was smeared all over the painting. It was extremely ugly and unattractive, and looked like it belonged in a landfill.

“That’s so abstract, you’ve got to be high to see the art in it,” Jimmy continued. I sighed and put the paintbrush down before turning back to Jimmy. He still stood exactly where he had been, his arms crossed and his eyes just calmly watching me.

“I’m just a little distracted,” I told him, rubbing the back of my neck. Jimmy just blinked. “Well, I was thinking about what you told me.”

“I told you a lot of things.”

“I was thinking about when you told me that I shouldn’t live in fear,” I clarified.
“Ah, yes. And what thoughts did you have on the subject?”

“Well, I don’t think I have anything to fear from you. I can’t see you hurting me intentionally....and....well...”

“You’re very confusing, Miya,” Jimmy interrupted. “One minute, you’re refusing to even think about the fact that I couldn’t hurt you even if I wanted to. Now, you’re telling me that you don’t see any harm in trusting me. Which one is it?”

“But you wouldn’t hurt me! And it’s taken me days to figure it out.”

“I suppose now you’re going to tell me that you trust me.”

“I’ve always trusted you, Jimmy, just never with my heart.”

“And that’s what matters the most, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. My heart matters the most out of anything I could trust you with.”

“And now you trust me with it?”

I took a deep breath, staring up into Jimmy’s blue eyes. They weren’t chunks of ice anymore. The ice, if anything, appeared to have melted and pooled in his irises. There hadn’t been any warmth in his eyes yet to evaporate the water. I could still see Jimmy’s hurt and anger and sadness behind his eyes, all because of me. So, I did the one thing my heart told me to.

I shut down all my defenses, dropped the fractured walls around my heart, and stopped making all the love decisions with my brain, instead promoting my heart to executive relationship-decider. Time paused for an infinitesimal second before my heart leaped into high gear and started making decisions, decisions that I needed but never knew I wanted.

I took a step forward, rose up on my tiptoes, and pressed my lips hard against Jimmy’s. My heart thundered against my ribs in excitement. It recognized a few seconds before I did that this kiss felt better and tasted sweeter than all of Brendan’s combined. Brendan’s kisses were always lusty, carnal, and brain-numbingly complicated, but Jimmy’s kiss was...sweet and simple, because he demanded nothing from me but my heart.

And, finally, I had given it to him.

Jimmy was smiling when we pulled away. I dropped back on my heels, feeling blush crowding my cheeks for the first time in...forever. I smiled sheepishly back, tangling my fingers together.

“Don’t forget...Spongebob is on tomorrow at four,” Jimmy told me. I laughed—it sounded like a frog coughing—and leaned forward to wrap my arms around Jimmy.

It had been an interesting day. I had made—and shattered—a lot of decisions. But overall, it ended as sweet as it could have.

....With a kiss and a hug.