Cut

Just as I start to relax, Rita barges in.

Rita: Emma! What are you doing? You have individual therapy.

Huh? Didn't I just have therapy?

Rita: Come on. The therapist is waiting.

I give Maura a confused look as I follow Rita out the door and down the long hallway in the opposite direction of Group.

We finally reach a brown door. Rita knocks and it opens immediately and a woman submerges from behind it. She has short, brown hair and is wearing a turquoise sweater and a grey skirt. She smiles at me.

Woman: Come in, Emma.

Rita leaves as I enter the room behind the door. It is small with a window, two chairs, and a coffee table in between them.

The woman motions for me to sit in the chair closest to the window. I do and she takes a seat in the one opposite me.

Woman: Hi, I'm Julie. I'll be meeting with you every other weekday.

The woman named Julie extends a hand out to me. I do not take it. I do not want a remake of last time. But I see in her hands that she has a clipboard with about a dozen papers on it. She probably knows why I am here.

I change my mind and shake her hand letting the cuts reveal. Julie does not look them but instead she looks at me with a smile.

Julie: Nice to meet you.

I wish I could smile back but my mouth is picky. It only smiles for some people.

Like Teddy.

Julie: Okay, well, where should we begin?

Me:

Julie waits for a moment and then looks down at her clipboard, then back up at me.

Julie: It says here that you have a little brother.

Me:

Yes, I have a little brother. I also have a mom and a dad and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, too. But Julie doesn't ask about them.

Julie: Tell me something about him.

Tell her something about Ben? Like what? He's four, small, and obnoxious. What else is there?

I want to tell Julie this but something else completely different comes out of my mouth.

Me: He misses Dad. A lot.

Julie writes something down on her clipboard and then I have her full attention.

She waits for me to say something.

Me:

I wait for her to say something. It's like a game. Who will talk first?

Julie: Why don't you tell me about it?

Ha. I win.

Me: Mom and Dad split and Ben was really sad. He still is. Dad lives in New York. Ben really misses him.

Julie: Do you miss him?

Me: Ben does.

Julie: Yes, I know that. But do you?

Do I miss my father? Do I? I've seen him once in over a year. I talk to him on the phone once a week if I'm lucky. Of course I miss my father. But was I going to tell her that? No. Julie would just write it down on her stupid clipboard and ask me more stupid questions. I don't need this. I don't have a problem.

Me: Why do you care?

I am suddenly angry. Furious.

Julie looks offended. And then, I explode.
Me: You don't care! As long as you get money for asking us stupid questions and pretend to care then you're satisfied. Well, guess what?! I don't have a problem, okay?! I don't! Why is everyone so obsessed with helping me out when there are a lot of other sick people here?! Why can't you take of them? Why don't you just leave me alone and let me go back home to my broken family?

I am standing now and tears are forming in my eyes. Julie sits in her chair, bewildered. She does not write anything down. Instead, she just stares at me.

Julie: I will see you the day after tomorrow, Emma.

I walk to the door and even though Julie is following behind me I slam the door in her face.

Then, I go to the bathroom and take my place in the tub.