Cut

The rest of the day continues in a blur. I go to lunch and dinner, then back to my room. There, I do not sleep, I simply think. About everything. I have been doing this a lot lately.

My mind will not stay away from Jenna and how I have broken my promise to her. I feel terrible but then again, I do about most things in my life at the moment.

I look at the clock above Maura's bed, the new one they just put up. It says 3:38.

I need to get some sleep. I close my eyes and finally drift off into a calm state just between sleep and being awake. It is a wonderful feeling, despite everything.

Just then, Hannah bursts open the door. She is still in her pajamas. Maura wakes up and I come out of my reverie.

Hannah looks frantic. Her eyes are popping out of her skull.

Hannah: You guys, come on! The ambulance is here!

What?!

Maura and Me: What?!

Hannah: Jenna had a heart attack!

I stop breathing but my body gets up and follows Hannah out to the parking lot of Royal Jokes. She is right. There, just a few feet away from us, is an ambulance, flashing lights and all.

Everyone is outside but I do not notice anyone else. I am still staring at the ambulance.

Through the doors of Royal Jokes, behind us, three people carry Jenna on a stretcher. She looks even tinier. Her eyes are just barely open and the rings around her eyes stand out more due to her pale face. She is weak. Even weaker than usual.

They wheel Jenna past Hannah, Maura, and me. Her eyelids droop but she keeps them up long enough to look at me. She looks at me for what seems like a very long time. I look back at her and notice the tear streaming down her cheeks and my own. It is as if we are frozen in time. I just wish that we weren't frozen in this particular instance.

She opens her mouth to say something but a cough comes out instead. Finally, words come out.

Jenna: I'm sorry I broke my promise.

It occurs to me that Jenna has gotten this heart attack because her body does not have enough nutrients in it. I am no doctor but I knew this was true.

I cry even harder, but it is not a loud cry. Tears flood my eyes just fall down my cheeks. I know that there is pain in my eyes but other than that there isn't any emotion on my face.

I want to tell her that it will be alright, to hang in there, but words do not come out of my mouth. Instead, I lift my sleeve up and show Jenna, and everybody else who is looking, my scars.

She looks at them for only a second and then back up at me. And then, they wheel her away and into the ambulance. Everyone goes inside but I wait until I cannot see it anymore.

For the rest of the night, I think about Jenna. I pray for Jenna, too. And then, a strange thought pops into my mind; death.

What if Jenna died? For some reason it is not hard for me to think about. Yes, I would be devastated, but still I am not afraid to think about this. I think it is because Jenna is not afraid of death. She hasn't told me, but somehow I know.

What if Jenna died? I picture a gravestone in my mind but think about how a gravestone would not even cover how much Jenna means to me, to everybody. A piece of marble with her name engraved on it wouldn't even come close to describing Jenna. Is this how she would be remembered? Buried beneath the earth just like a the rest? Or turned into ash?

That night, I pray for all the passed who have been forgotten. For all who have a simple stone over their beloved bodies. I ask God to remember, though I know that he does, and to let their loved ones think about them tonight.

And I pray for Jenna. Because I know that she needs a prayer more than anybody else.