Cut

We arrive at Royal Oaks early in the morning. Mom and Ben walk me to the door but do not go inside. Mom tells me that I can go in and get checked in myself because she is already late for dropping Ben off at daycare. I am wearing my sweatshirt.

Mom gives me a hug and I can tell she is trying as hard as she can not to cry in front of Ben. We pull apart.

Ben gives me a hug too, although he is not crying. He tells me that he will draw a picture for me everyday and give them to me when we meet again. He motions for me to come closer to him; he wants to tell me a secret.

I lean down and Ben whispers in my ear.

Ben: I drew this last night for you after Mommy tucked me in. I wasn't supposed to stay up but I wanted to make you something.

He pulls out and a picture that he has made and hands it to me. It is folded up so that I cannot see it yet.

He puts his hand on mine when I try to open it.

Ben: Not now, Sissy.

He gives me anther hug and then they leave.

The outside of Royal Oaks is nothing like the inside. On the outside it is a big, tan building with a sign in the front yard. It says: Royal Oaks House of Help, in fancy, gold letters. The grass is much greener than any grass I have ever seen.

On the inside the floor is a deep beige color and the walls are a light blue. There are pictures of the ocean and shells every where.

It smells nice.

I walk over to a large desk with an old woman behind it. I do not say anything to this stranger. Instead, I just stand there. She looks up at me.

Old Lady: Hi, there. Are you ready to check in?

They make it sound like a hotel. Like I can check out any time I want to.

I finally see a name tag hanging on the old woman's shirt. It says: Rita.

Rita: Do you mind tellin' me your name, hon'?

Me: Emma Roslin.

She fig-its on the computer in front of her.

Rita: Okay, follow me, Emma.

Rita takes me down a long hallway that looks the same as when I entered Royal Oaks. We finally get to a room. My room, she says.

Rita: Alright, here you are. You'll have to get your bags checked soon to make sure you didn't....bring anything that's not....allowed.

She wants to make sure that I didn't bring any drugs, knives, or other things that may harm me or others.

She gives me paper.

Rita: Here's your schedule. You have a group class in an hour just down the hall. If you have any troubles just come and find me.

I take a step into my room. In it there are two twin beds and a closet. There is a window but nothing else. There are no pictures of the ocean on the walls and no shells anywhere. There is nothing in this room.

I see that one of the beds is made up with a heavy blue blanket and has a bag on it. The other bed has a single white sheet on it and a pillow.

I walk in and set my bag down on the bed. Then I take out the picture that Ben has drawn me and unfold it.

I breathe in a sharp breath at Ben's picture. It is vivid. It is sad. It is....

It is my wrist. How my wrist looks now. With gashes up and down it. Thin red lines everywhere. At the bottom it says: Sisy, get wel soon.

I hang it up above my bed. Then I go and find Rita. I need to find out where my new bathtub is.