This Is Not an After School Special

I didn't know what to feel the next day at school. Josh was nowhere to be seen. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if he was as afraid of facing me as I was of him. At first, I was sort of relieved that I could put off seeing him for at least one more day.

By the end of the week, I was terrified. He still hadn't made an appearance at school, and I couldn't imagine why. He hadn't tried to call me since the previous Sunday, when I'd ignored a total of five calls. I was regretting ignoring those calls now. Maybe he had been trying to give me some insight as to where he was going. And how long he would be gone.

"I'm on my way to pick you up," Matt told me through the phoneline on Sunday morning.

"Why? I don't really feel like going out today, Matt. Thanks, but no thanks. I think it's time to try and call Josh."

"Normally, I would congratulate you for figuring that out, but I can tell you right now that you won't get ahold of him."

"But why?" I felt so frustrated. "He tried to call me first, why would he have a reason to ignore me now?"

"He's not ignoring you, trust me. I just need to show you something. You'll understand everything when I do."

"Fine. Just give me half an hour to get ready, okay?"

"Alright. I'll be there soon."

I wasn't in the mood to put much effort into my appearance. I had to hand it to Matt: he kept me from spending all day in bed, at the very least. When I felt that I looked acceptable, I sat down on the front step to wait. The January air was still, and my breath clouded out in front of me every time I exhaled. I didn't really notice the cold. I didn't notice much of anything. If Matt wasn't there for me, I probably would have slipped into a dangerous depression by now. But as it was, he kept me going. It was because of him that I was reconsidering my decision to move.

I climbed into Matt's truck as soon as he arrived. "What's the big surprise?"

"You'll see."

I tried to determine our destination by paying attention to where he drove, but I was soon more confused than ever. Matt was taking us out of the city completely. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from questioning him further, but it was hard. The unfamiliar route made me anxious.

It was nearly an hour later when Matt finally pulled off of the highway and onto a country road. From there, it was only a couple of minutes before he turned down a long driveway and parked in a small lot. I took a moment to look around curiously.

At the end of the parking lot, there was a lavish mansion settled atop a small hill. There were a few other vehicles around us, but not many. And most weren't fancy enough to look like they belonged here. Matt's truck fit into that category.

"Where are we?" I asked, gazing in wonder at the spacious grounds.

"Let's go inside," Matt directed me, climbing out of the truck.

When I opened my door, the hinges squealed. I felt like it disrupted the peace of this place, and I almost felt guilty. There seemed to be nobody around outside, so I shut the door with a loud bang and walked by Matt's side up to the extravagantly carved double doors of the house.

"Wait here," he told me gently as soon as we set foot inside. He walked off toward a large desk in one corner of the room. I took the opportunity to look around again.

I was standing in an open room with a few chairs and sofas scattered throughout it. The only door out of the room, besides the one I'd come in through, was beside the desk that Matt was now standing in front of. It gave me the impression that nobody could get past without approval from the soft-faced, overweight woman seated there. I stepped forward to try and catch a snippet of their low-voiced conversation.

"You came on the right day," she was telling him. "It's the first day that-"

"I know," Matt cut her off, though he somehow still sounded polite. "I did some research before I came."

"His room number is thirty-four. Just go down the hallway and up the staircase on your right. You'll find it on the second floor."

"Thank you very much," Matt smiled warmly at her as he raised a hand to wave me over.

"Is that the one he's been talking about?" She was whispering now, and it was clear that I wasn't meant to overhear. When Matt nodded, her smile widened and I could have sworn I saw a tear in her big green eyes. "He didn't think she would ever come. He'll be very happy to see her."

Matt nodded once again in response, since I was now close enough to listen in on what was being said. He didn't know that I'd heard nearly everything thus far. Matt led the way through the lone door, and I followed closely. My stomach was twisting with nerves. I had an idea as to who we were about to see, but I still didn't really know where we were. I stuck right behind Matt as he headed up a flight of stairs and began looking at every door number as we walked down another long hallway.

He stopped so suddenly that I collided with him. "Go in," he said, pointing at the closed door in front of him.

I stared at him with wide eyes, still unsure. Matt smiled and gently nudged me. I took a deep breath and knocked carefully on the door. There was no answer. I looked back at Matt for guidance.

"Just go," he nudged me again.

"Aren't you coming?"

He shook his head. "I'll be in there soon. But you've got to go first."

I took the doorknob in my hand and twisted it firmly. When I let go, I noticed that my hands were shaking. There was really no doubt in my mind anymore who would be waiting in this room. Why else would Matt send me in alone? I pushed against the polished wood and felt it move beneath my fingertips. I stepped carefully into the room and let the door swing shut behind me.

"I don't really want to go to the support group today, okay? I just want to be alone."

"Josh?" I could hear how timid my voice sounded, but I couldn't stop it.

Josh was sitting on the edge of a small mattress, staring out the window before him. When I spoke, he whirled around. I gasped when I caught sight of him. His eyes and cheeks were more sunken in than I'd ever seen them before, and tortured was the only word that came to mind as I took in his appearance.

"Becky?" Despite how he looked, there was hope and happiness in his tone.

I crossed the space between us swiftly and reached out to him. He leapt to his feet and took me carefully in his arms. I wanted to hold him as tight as I could, but I found myself fearing that I would break him.

"What is all of this?" I asked, still trying to figure it out. "Are you okay?"

He held me at arms length and gave me a critical look. "Don't you know already? I'm in rehab, Becky. I'm going to get clean."

My heart stopped for a fraction of a second. "Really? This is why I haven't been able to talk to you in a week?"

"Well, you didn't really seem to want to talk to me when I tried to call you. Not that I blame you. I would have done the same thing."

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I should have stayed and tried to talk it out. I can't believe that you're here. Why didn't anybody tell me? Matt kind of kidnapped me today and brought me here."

"Today is the first day that I'm allowed to have visitors. I've been here a week and I've been successful so far. But I can't believe that you came. I thought I wouldn't get to see you again until I went back to school. And that's what my motivation here is. I wanted to get clean as soon as possible so that I could leave and see you again."

"If I would have known, I would have been here the first day. Stupid visiting rules wouldn't have stopped me. I can't believe that you're actually doing this. I was so scared when you stopped coming to school. I thought you were avoiding me. I never would have guessed that you were here."

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Becky," he gave me such a desperate look that I felt weak. "But I hope that you see just how badly I'm trying here."

"I want to help you as much as I can. I'll be here every single day if you want me to be. This is the point where I know that you're going to need me the most, and I can't turn my back on you. I see that now, and I'm sorry if I ever gave you any doubt about that. I couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore if I gave up now." I babbled on, hoping that he understood how serious I was.

"Then we would be in the same boat, because I can't look at myself after what I did to you. I wish that you didn't have to see me like this. But it really means the world to me that you came."

"Is it hard?"

I didn't have to explain what I meant. He figured it out immediately. "It's horrible. But it'll get better. And then, eventually, I'll be ready to face the real world again. I want you to be a part of that world when I get out of here."

"I want to be there," I assured him. "I will be there."

There was a sudden knock at the door, and Matt poked his head inside. "Hey, Josh. How are you doing?"

"I've been better," Josh admitted. Then he looked down at me again. "But I've been worse, too."

"Your family is here to see you. We should probably get going, Beck."

"I haven't got a chance to talk to you yet, though," Josh argued. "I owe you an apology, too. Mom can wait. And if she can't, you guys could still hang out while I talk to her."

"Isn't apologizing step nine or something? You've got tons of time," Matt brushed off Josh's concern. "I don't really want to hang out in the background while your mom is here. That's going to be pretty personal for you guys."

"Step nine? This isn't Alcoholics Anonymous, you know. But if you're in that big of a hurry to leave, I'll have to catch you next time. There will be a next time, right? Because I can't just stop by your house to say I'm sorry. I'm going to be stuck here for awhile."

"We'll be back," Matt assured him. "Do you really think I could keep Becky away?"

"I think she's having a harder time with this than she will admit. I wish that I didn't look so shitty. It might make it easier."

"I love that you guys talk about me like I'm not here," I retorted. "I'll be back, though. Even if Matt's too busy to bring me, I'll find a way. I'll steal my mom's car if I have to."

"That's probably not the best idea. Remember when we were talking about being on the run from the cops? It was a joke, so don't make it a reality," Josh advised, smiling sweetly at me.

After a drawn-out goodbye, I followed Matt out of the room. Josh's parents were waiting in the hallway. I attempted to smile and wave in greeting, but the mood was heavy and sad. As I passed, Mrs. Ramsay took my hand inside of both of hers. Mr. Ramsay proceeded into the small room as his wife pulled me aside. There were tears in her eyes.

"I never thought that I would have to send one of my children to a place like this. I was just as blind to his problems as you were. He always seemed so happy! But I believe that a thank you is in order here. If it weren't for you, he wouldn't have wanted to get help. I know that the whole thing must have been an excruciating ordeal for you, but I need you to know how grateful I am for what you did. You saved my baby boy."

The tears returned to my eyes as I listened to her appreciation. I sniffed loudly. "I can't take the credit. He made this choice all on his own. I didn't even know about it. You raised a very smart kid. You should be very proud of him. I know that I am."

Her returning smile showed me everything that she couldn't find the words to say. She knew that she'd done well with Josh. If she'd ever felt, even for a moment, that she'd failed because of the drugs, he'd shown her redemption with his choice to enter rehab. She released my hand and turned to follow her husband into her son's room.

"He looked like a ghost," Matt murmured as we passed through the lobby, which now had a few bodies occupying some of the sparse furniture.

"I noticed."

"But you seem to have made up with him."

"You said yourself that I wouldn't be able to stay away."

"So I guess now it's finally appropriate to say this. I told you so, Beck."

I managed a small laugh as we pushed through the double doors and stepped outside. The drive home seemed to take even longer than the drive to the facility had. Maybe it was because I was moving in the opposite direction from where I felt I was needed. I really wanted to be able to help Josh in any way that I could. If I could make any part of his experience easier, I wanted to do it.

Matt was grinning at me when he dropped me off. "I'll pick you up for school tomorrow, and we'll make plans for another visit."

"Thanks. I'm really glad that you brought me there today. I couldn't stay mad when I knew he was doing all of that for me."

"What are friends for?"

I returned his happy grin and hopped out of the truck. As soon as I was inside my house, I was calling out to my parents.

"I'm home! And I've got something to tell you."

Mom appeared suddenly, rushing out of the living room to greet me. "We have news, too. The transfer went through. We're moving back to Edmonton!"