Unreachable Love

I was determined. Determined to be the one doing the avoiding this time. Determined to shove Oliver out of my life. Determined to never see him again. Determined… to not be in love with him.

I carried on in life like I usually would, without Oliver hanging around. I did my daily chores, that I never cared that I had to do them. I usually saw it as, the quicker I got chores done, the quicker it would be that I get to go sit down and write. I finished one of my stories that I’d been working on forever called Modern Day Juliet. I loved that story to death. I started hanging with Bethany more. Helping her with her homework and playing soccer with her in the backyard.

But nothing felt right.

It felt like I was a robot. Doing things that I knew I should be doing, but I don’t think I actually wanted to do them.

My parents noticed the quick changes in pace when I passed Oliver, when I dropped my head and excused myself when they brought him up, asking where he was. They noticed when I told them that I wasn’t writing anymore fantasy stories, and how much it hurt me to quit. But I had my reasons.

I guess it’s from my parents where I get my observant-ness. They notice everything.

Especially when I suddenly got dark shadows under my eyes.

“Honey, are you feeling alright?” Ma asked touching her hand to my forehead.

“Yeah, Ma, feeling great. Why?” I asked.

I really did feel fine. I’d had a headache a little while ago but it’s gone now.

“You seem… down lately. And you look tired. Have you been getting enough sleep?” her mother instinct is kicking in.

“Yes, Ma.” I sighed.

Truth is, I really hadn’t been getting enough sleep. I’d toss and turn all night. It was exhausting being exhausted.

“Okay.” She pulled me in for a hug. When she pulled away she held me at arms length. “You eating enough? You look thinner.”

“Oh, Ma… you know I can’t help it if I’m this skinny. I could eat and eat and I still wouldn’t gain weight and you know it.”

“’Kay. Just making sure.”

“Yeah. I’m going to go for a walk, alright?” I said, ready to get out of the house.

“Okay, honey, be careful.”

I stalked out the front door and strolled onto the sidewalk. It had gotten cooler out today so I’d put on my pink sweater on my way out. Leaves started to fall around me. I looked up into the trees the showered over me. The leaves were so colorful and pretty. Autumn was probably my favorite time of year. It wasn’t cold but it wasn’t hot. You may not be able to do much in the Fall, like go sledding or jump in a pool, but it was just the beauty of it that made it the best season of all.

I jumped over a pool of water that had been left by the last thunderstorm. I felt like a little kid again, trying not to splash water on myself. I wonder what it would be like to jump into a pile of leaves again, I wondered. Or blow bubbles and watch them float away. Or to just let go of a balloon, watch it fly away up into the sky.

I walked over to the park bench that I fell in love with. But someone was sitting in it. I sighed but decided they wouldn’t ruin my day. Or so I thought.