Unreachable Love

You should know, I WANTED to walk away. But, I couldn’t. Not when I saw him sitting there like that. It felt so wrong.

I sighed once again, for probably the twentieth time that day, and crossed the street. I sat next to Oliver as if I haven’t been avoiding him. He was leaning over with his face in his hands. I felt grief sweep through me as soon as I noticed he was sobbing.

I put my hand on his back and he stiffened.

“Oliver… what’s wrong?”

“Go away.” He said still frozen.

I had the strong urge to hold him right then. Comfort him and be there along side him. But I knew I wouldn’t do that.

I slid my arm away from his back.

“Oliver. Please, let me help.” I pleaded.

He didn’t say anything. He wouldn’t lift his face to look at me.

“Listen, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Oh, like that helps a bunch.” He mumbled.

“Ugh. Well, what do you want from me? I try to help you with what’s wrong and you push me away.”

He lifted his head this time to look me in the eyes. “You perfectly well know what I want, Belinda. I want YOU. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. And when I get close enough to get you, you push me away. How does that work?”

I think I was too stunned to speak.

He continued, “I know it, Belinda. You push people away all the time, that’s why you’re so invisible to everyone around you. Maybe if you stopped being so modest and brought yourself out everyone would know you, the real you. And I know why you push people away, too. You push people away because you’re afraid. You’re especially afraid of me. You’re afraid of falling in love, falling in so deep that you can’t get out. That’s why you’ve been avoiding me, because you know that you’ve been falling for me.

“I can see it in your eyes, Belinda. Don’t try to hide it. You want me the same way I want you.”

Can you guess what I did? I got up from the bench and started to walk away. I don’t think I wanted to help him anymore. But I turned back to him to say one last thing.

“I guess you are right. I’m afraid. I’m afraid to put my guard down. I am afraid that if you know all that I am, you won’t feel the same. And I’m afraid that once my barrier is defeated, and I’m comfortable, that you’ll just walk away.”

I started off down the street, first at a walk and then it turned into a jog. Tears came and I couldn’t push them back. He was right about me. That wasn’t the worst though. He told me that he knew about me. The worst was, he hadn’t gotten it all right. And I’d been too scared to tell him the rest.

I heard pounding feet on the ground behind me, so I started running. But he was faster, of course.

He grabbed hold of my shoulders and spun me around. I still wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Belinda. Look at me.” He begged. “I want you in my life.”

This time I knew something that would make him leave, but would hurt him the worst. “Yeah? Well, get out of mine because I don’t want you there.”

He let go and I ran all the way home.

When I opened the front door, I saw Ma stop midway in the hall. A grin spread across her face. “Bell, guess what just came in the mail?” she practically squeaked.

She held up an envelope and I recognized the name of the return address. I ran to her and grabbed it. I ripped it open and saw what was written:

Dear Belinda Dipman,
We are proud to announce, that you have been accepted into Bringham High School in the fall, and you have also been accepted into the summer program for future writers….

I didn’t read the rest, fore it became a blur.