Unreachable Love

I paced back in forth in my room, muttering to myself about my problems.

“I can’t because what if… but what if I don’t… why does it have to be like this… what about being friends… I just can’t leave when we’re in a relationship… that would be so wrong… I wonder if he’d follow me… no, bad thought, bad thought… push it away… I think, I think I’m in—“

The door opened and Ciara commented, “Muttering to yourself again, I see.”

“Shut up. What do you want?”

“What’s with the attitude? Hormones finally kicking in? Anyway, I was just in here to tell you that dinner’s ready.” And then she hopped out of the room.

Dinner? At 5:30? That was really early for us, and I wondered what was up.

I walked down the hallway towards the kitchen, but instead of seeing my family gathered around the table for dinner, the kitchen was empty. I felt like my head was a huge question mark. I started walking toward the front of the house and saw my family all standing out on the street. This was getting really strange.

I stepped out onto the front porch and then I knew what they were doing. They were looking. They were looking down at the street, where dozens of red tulips formed my name, “BELINDA.” It wasn’t hard to figure out who the stranger was standing across the street staring at my face. I ran inside and went straight to my room.

I didn’t want part in this. Any of it. I want to just go Bringham and forget any of this. I want to be invisible again. I want to have no one notice me. I want to be left alone. But I knew none of that would happen.

At that moment I wanted to scream. I wanted to run far away. Run as fast as I could to chase everything bad away. So that’s what I did.

I ran out the back door and into the forest behind. I ran through slashing branches and falling leaves. I ran till I couldn’t breathe anymore. I ran until I collapsed onto the forest floor. I ran until I figured out, running couldn’t chase away the fact that I think I’m in love with Oliver.

---<3---

“Bell? Bell?” Someone was calling my name, they seemed so far away. Darkness was around me and when I tried to move I couldn’t. I was in a helpless dream.

“Bell?” a different voice called. A voice I loved, that made me melt. I wanted him to find me, to rescue me from my pain and darkness. “Bell!!”He screamed as he saw me. Where was I? The last thing I remember is running, running as fast as I could.

I felt his strong hands lifting me into his arms and I pushed my face against his warm scent. I never wanted him to put me down. He started walking toward the other voices I didn’t care as much about at the moment. I only wanted to be with—what was his name? I couldn’t even remember his name?! Total memory loss! No. I’m being too rational. I just forgot a couple names is all; I still remember who I am. I am Belinda. Right?

“Right.” The voice whispered in my ear. That’s when I realized I’d been speaking out loud. I shut my mouth tight and tried to keep my thoughts to myself. I saw the corner of his mouth go up in a smile.

Dang it. I just blew my cover. Now he knows that all I want is him. But, that means… he was right. He was right about everything. I do want him, just the same way he wants me. I felt warms tears flowing down my face. Because I couldn’t be with him because I was leaving. I wish I could be swept into the black darkness again.

I guess you could say that I got my wish. I fell asleep in his arms… but not into the blackness.

In my dream, I was in the ocean. I was wading through it with the water up to my knees. I was looking up at the sky. It was nighttime and all the stars were hanging above my head like they were there for me. I imagined myself being able to fly up there and just soar around. It was basically the opposite of that other dream where I was falling. In that dream I was falling, falling very fast. I didn’t want to. In this dream, I had already fallen and reached the ground. Now, all I wanted was to get back up.

I had fallen in love. Now, all I wanted was to get back up.