Never Let This Go
I Can't Find The Words To Tell You...
Later that day…
I strode up the wide pavements past the shops laden with Christmas gifts. They were smothered in lurid, sparkling tinsel and multicoloured twinkling lights. Cheesy Christmas carols drifted out into the icy air, and I heard snatches of merry ‘ho ho ho’s from inside. I reached the end of the street and turned into a dilapidated-looking building. I walked into the back and up the stairs. My Chemical Romance’s studio. They were band practising and I heard a muffled guitar chord and voices. Laughing voices. I smiled and reached for the handle, until something stopped me in my tracks.
“How longs it been now, Frank?” Mikey mocked.
“Shit… 4 years I think,” I heard Frank reply. A whistle echoed through the door. “Long time eh?”
“Frank, that’s a fucking long time. I have to say, I don’t think I’d be able to stick it.” Gerard’s voice cut through the tittering laughter that ensued. “Well she’s not exactly… well, you know.”
A hiss of somebody cracking open a beer. Silence.
“eye-candy!” someone burst out. Hysteric laughter rumbled as all the band fell into giggles.
It felt as if a weight had dropped into the pit of my stomach. My head span, and I leant against the door for support. Mistake. Big Mistake. The door swung open and I was left staring at all five band members. Frank spoke first…
“Uhh. Hey Abby." He managed to recover from his laughing fit. “You been out there long?” He grins, trying not to snigger.
I slammed down the bag of groceries and ran out. I was absolutely humiliated. I had heard every word they had said, and the worst thing of all is that Frank didn’t even defend me. He didn’t say a word of protection against the ridicule, and all he did was laugh. Laugh along with the rest of them…
On the way home I walked through the park. It brought me to tears again, and I sat on a grimy bench with my face buried in my hands.
Frank was back at the hotel when I returned. He truly did look sorry. I had opened the door and found myself face to face with him. I slowly took my keys out of the door, and walked around him. Frank reached out a hand to try and stop me, but it brushed lightly off my arm. I walked straight to our bedroom and turned as I stood in the doorway.
“You’ll be sleeping on the couch.” I said bluntly. And shut the door.
I had locked the door and Frank knew it. He also knew that however much he wanted to come in, until I’ve calmed down, Frank Iero is not coming in. But the truth is… I don’t know whether I will calm down. I feel like I want to throw up as Frank taps the door and tells me he loves me. He obviously didn’t love me much this afternoon.
Around 2:00am he gave up and screamed through the door.
“I’ll be in a bar. Don’t come looking for me.”
I didn’t care as he gave one last thump on the door. I didn’t care as he strode angrily out. I didn’t care as the door slammed with such force that the water beside my bed rippled.
I dozed for a few hours until I heard the door open once again. Frank walked straight over to my door and yelled through it. I could tell he was drunk, because every so often he slurred his words and paused, as if thinking what he was saying.
“You know what, Abby? You’re ugly. I’m famous; I could get anyone I fucking wanted. You’re fat and ugly and…” pause “…and controlling. The guys are right, I dunno why I stay with you...” another pause “It’s not worth the effort.”
I heard him slump into the couch and mutter to himself until he fell silent and few minutes later.
______________________________________________________________
I woke up with the light streaming in, snow on the window ledges. I almost smiled to myself before I remembered yesterday. Well, yesterday and this morning. I nearly hurled and I rushed out of room towards the bathroom. False alarm. I sighed deeply and leant against the wall. Frank was curled on the couch. I could smell the beer from across the room. I looked at his face. I however much I hated him right now, I still loved him as strongly as the moment I met him. My heart began pounding like the day I met him…
I was friends with Brian and one day I offered to listen to his band.
“It’s your type of music, you’ll like it. I know you will.” he reassured me as I walked through to the small stage.
He was right. I loved it. Powerful and dark. The lead singer worked the crowd confidently and the rest of the band was amazing to watch.
The show ended and as they came off the stage the rhythm guitarist caught my eye. I smiled and broke his gaze, blushing. IDIOT. Brian had me round the shoulders a few seconds later and introduced me to the band. Introduced me to the band, and to Frank. And that was it. We clicked and within a few days we were dating. The rest of the band knew it and I used to think so too. We were made for each other.
And, ever since a couple of days ago, I used to say it was one of the best moments of my life.
I strode up the wide pavements past the shops laden with Christmas gifts. They were smothered in lurid, sparkling tinsel and multicoloured twinkling lights. Cheesy Christmas carols drifted out into the icy air, and I heard snatches of merry ‘ho ho ho’s from inside. I reached the end of the street and turned into a dilapidated-looking building. I walked into the back and up the stairs. My Chemical Romance’s studio. They were band practising and I heard a muffled guitar chord and voices. Laughing voices. I smiled and reached for the handle, until something stopped me in my tracks.
“How longs it been now, Frank?” Mikey mocked.
“Shit… 4 years I think,” I heard Frank reply. A whistle echoed through the door. “Long time eh?”
“Frank, that’s a fucking long time. I have to say, I don’t think I’d be able to stick it.” Gerard’s voice cut through the tittering laughter that ensued. “Well she’s not exactly… well, you know.”
A hiss of somebody cracking open a beer. Silence.
“eye-candy!” someone burst out. Hysteric laughter rumbled as all the band fell into giggles.
It felt as if a weight had dropped into the pit of my stomach. My head span, and I leant against the door for support. Mistake. Big Mistake. The door swung open and I was left staring at all five band members. Frank spoke first…
“Uhh. Hey Abby." He managed to recover from his laughing fit. “You been out there long?” He grins, trying not to snigger.
I slammed down the bag of groceries and ran out. I was absolutely humiliated. I had heard every word they had said, and the worst thing of all is that Frank didn’t even defend me. He didn’t say a word of protection against the ridicule, and all he did was laugh. Laugh along with the rest of them…
On the way home I walked through the park. It brought me to tears again, and I sat on a grimy bench with my face buried in my hands.
Frank was back at the hotel when I returned. He truly did look sorry. I had opened the door and found myself face to face with him. I slowly took my keys out of the door, and walked around him. Frank reached out a hand to try and stop me, but it brushed lightly off my arm. I walked straight to our bedroom and turned as I stood in the doorway.
“You’ll be sleeping on the couch.” I said bluntly. And shut the door.
I had locked the door and Frank knew it. He also knew that however much he wanted to come in, until I’ve calmed down, Frank Iero is not coming in. But the truth is… I don’t know whether I will calm down. I feel like I want to throw up as Frank taps the door and tells me he loves me. He obviously didn’t love me much this afternoon.
Around 2:00am he gave up and screamed through the door.
“I’ll be in a bar. Don’t come looking for me.”
I didn’t care as he gave one last thump on the door. I didn’t care as he strode angrily out. I didn’t care as the door slammed with such force that the water beside my bed rippled.
I dozed for a few hours until I heard the door open once again. Frank walked straight over to my door and yelled through it. I could tell he was drunk, because every so often he slurred his words and paused, as if thinking what he was saying.
“You know what, Abby? You’re ugly. I’m famous; I could get anyone I fucking wanted. You’re fat and ugly and…” pause “…and controlling. The guys are right, I dunno why I stay with you...” another pause “It’s not worth the effort.”
I heard him slump into the couch and mutter to himself until he fell silent and few minutes later.
______________________________________________________________
I woke up with the light streaming in, snow on the window ledges. I almost smiled to myself before I remembered yesterday. Well, yesterday and this morning. I nearly hurled and I rushed out of room towards the bathroom. False alarm. I sighed deeply and leant against the wall. Frank was curled on the couch. I could smell the beer from across the room. I looked at his face. I however much I hated him right now, I still loved him as strongly as the moment I met him. My heart began pounding like the day I met him…
I was friends with Brian and one day I offered to listen to his band.
“It’s your type of music, you’ll like it. I know you will.” he reassured me as I walked through to the small stage.
He was right. I loved it. Powerful and dark. The lead singer worked the crowd confidently and the rest of the band was amazing to watch.
The show ended and as they came off the stage the rhythm guitarist caught my eye. I smiled and broke his gaze, blushing. IDIOT. Brian had me round the shoulders a few seconds later and introduced me to the band. Introduced me to the band, and to Frank. And that was it. We clicked and within a few days we were dating. The rest of the band knew it and I used to think so too. We were made for each other.
And, ever since a couple of days ago, I used to say it was one of the best moments of my life.