Never Let This Go
Maybe If My Heart Stops Beating...
Franks POV
I gazed helplessly at the beautiful face of the woman I loved. Her face looked so innocent and pure against the inside of the ambulance. Wires connected her fragile form to threatening-looking machines. She had been placed on the stretcher in our living room. Her hair was splayed out like a halo around her face, and I reached down and touched it. My fingers lightly brushed her hair to her face and I felt the cool skin of her cheek. My eyes blurred and I clenched them shut. I remembered when I thought I had lost you forever.
Flashback - The day Abby left:
I woke up on the couch, hung over. I barely remember spending the entire night in some sleazy bar. I could hear Abby moving quietly around the hotel room, and yet I still didn’t open my eyes. What was she doing? Cleaning? It sounded like she was moving furniture or something… She must hate me. I hate me. Why have I changed? I know it’s the drink, and considering what I’ve put Abby through, I’m so grateful she’s still here. That’s it. I’m making a change; I’m going to make it work. I’m going to turn it around.
I slowly opened my eyes and smelt the beer and cigarette smoke on my clothes. I grimaced and groaned as I lifted myself off the couch. Have a shower, then talk to Abby; explain to her that you’ve changed. She’s not going to take you seriously if you still reek of alcohol.
I didn’t want her to see me like this anymore, and I hurried across the room and straight into the shower. I let the hot water rinse the whole of my body and relieve me of my pounding headache and nausea. I scrubbed my hair until I felt clean enough and presentable to explain myself to Abby. By just thinking her name made my face break into a smile. I’d pushed my luck too far already, and now it was going to change back to how it used to be between us. I dried myself quickly and pulled on some of my best clean clothes, taking a deep breath. Running my fingers through my hair, I pulled open the bathroom door and stood out in the hotel room. I eagerly looked left and right.
My face fell. The apartment was empty of all Abby’s possessions, and as I looked across the room for her, I heard the door opening. There she was, beautiful as ever, with a stricken expression marring her face. A bag on her back, a suitcase in her left hand and her right hand on the door.
“Goodbye Frank.” You said quietly. You turned away from me, and went through the door.
"W- wait" I whispered weakly. My head screamed as I watched the door snap shut. It was as if a giant knife had just severed whatever it was that held us together. I felt so weak just then, that I stood staring at the spot where you stood for more than ten minutes. I saw the note you’d written on a table and on top of it, your hotel key.
I tried Frank. The drink changed you too much. Do you even remember what it was like in the old-days? I can’t love you anymore – and I know you don’t love me.
Abby.
I clutched onto the note, tear-stained and crumpled. I stood, in my best forgive-me clothes, and my hair still wet holding onto the only thing that I had left of you; a note telling me that you couldn’t love me anymore. But the drunk I had turned into deserved everything it got.
End of Flashback
The equipment in the ambulance rattled on the uneven road. I opened my teary eyes. I saw you still lying there, once again so close to losing you. I can’t do it again; losing you both would kill me. I looked at the bump, knowing our child was there. Knowing it was a child that was conceived before the problems started and was a mark of how it could be between Abby and I. I grabbed your hand and held it tightly, believing that if I held on to your hand, I could hold on to your and our child’s lives.
Abby’s POV
I woke with lights shining in my eyes being wheeled down a hospital corridor. I glimpsed each light as it went past on the ceiling. Flash, flash, flash. Somebody was holding my hand. I looked across and saw Frank rushing along with the speed of the bed I was on, clutching onto my hand. I moved my other hand with difficulty, drips and catheters restricting my movement. I felt my stomach, baby was still there and I closed my eyes momentarily with relief. I squeezed Frank’s hand and he whipped his head around.
“Abby…honey, the baby’s coming early; you’re going to need a caesarean.” Frank looked into my eyes and told me it straight. “You’re going to be alright.” he paused and gave me a reassuring smile “Bump too…”
“But its too early, I’m only just gone seven months!” I panted, staring wide-eyed up at Frank. He squeezed my hand.
“Babies can be born prematurely so we’re gonna be alright, Abby” Frank paused, “There was a tiny complication so we need to get Bump out now, but she’ll be fine” He covered his mouth quickly, smiling sadly.
“What… it’s a girl?” I whispered feeling dazed. We hadn’t asked what it was at the checkups because neither of us could decide if we wanted a surprise or not.
“Yeah, the doctors just told me” He looked at me proudly, “Right, here we go” he said as the bed turned a sharp left.
A few minutes later, I was all set up and in the operating theatre. I was awake during the whole thing, and Frank was sat by my side. He kept glancing over the sheet the doctors had pinned up, to stop me from actually seeing the operation. Each time he did, his face paled a little and he turned back to stare at my face, reassuring me that it was going alright. I wasn’t totally sure if Frank would be able to tell if even it wasn’t going alright.
After what seemed like hours, I heard a childish gurgle. There was a lot of movement behind the curtain and Franks face lit up. The gurgle turned into a small cough, but there was no crying. Frank continued staring wide-eyed at our baby, as it was wrapped up and handed to him. I could see a few tears snaking down his cheeks and he lowered her down so I could see. Newborn, silent and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“She’s going to be a quiet one” one of the doctors told Frank, “Congratulations”
Frank laughed nervously and handed her to me. It was clear that she was premature, but she was healthy and that was all that mattered. Once I had been finished up, they took me into a ward and let me sleep. Frank sat watching and holding the baby for what must have been hours. She didn’t cry much, and liked to stare up at whoever was holding her with big glassy eyes. It was just me, Frank and baby until about 2:00 the next day when we got our first visitors.
I gazed helplessly at the beautiful face of the woman I loved. Her face looked so innocent and pure against the inside of the ambulance. Wires connected her fragile form to threatening-looking machines. She had been placed on the stretcher in our living room. Her hair was splayed out like a halo around her face, and I reached down and touched it. My fingers lightly brushed her hair to her face and I felt the cool skin of her cheek. My eyes blurred and I clenched them shut. I remembered when I thought I had lost you forever.
Flashback - The day Abby left:
I woke up on the couch, hung over. I barely remember spending the entire night in some sleazy bar. I could hear Abby moving quietly around the hotel room, and yet I still didn’t open my eyes. What was she doing? Cleaning? It sounded like she was moving furniture or something… She must hate me. I hate me. Why have I changed? I know it’s the drink, and considering what I’ve put Abby through, I’m so grateful she’s still here. That’s it. I’m making a change; I’m going to make it work. I’m going to turn it around.
I slowly opened my eyes and smelt the beer and cigarette smoke on my clothes. I grimaced and groaned as I lifted myself off the couch. Have a shower, then talk to Abby; explain to her that you’ve changed. She’s not going to take you seriously if you still reek of alcohol.
I didn’t want her to see me like this anymore, and I hurried across the room and straight into the shower. I let the hot water rinse the whole of my body and relieve me of my pounding headache and nausea. I scrubbed my hair until I felt clean enough and presentable to explain myself to Abby. By just thinking her name made my face break into a smile. I’d pushed my luck too far already, and now it was going to change back to how it used to be between us. I dried myself quickly and pulled on some of my best clean clothes, taking a deep breath. Running my fingers through my hair, I pulled open the bathroom door and stood out in the hotel room. I eagerly looked left and right.
My face fell. The apartment was empty of all Abby’s possessions, and as I looked across the room for her, I heard the door opening. There she was, beautiful as ever, with a stricken expression marring her face. A bag on her back, a suitcase in her left hand and her right hand on the door.
“Goodbye Frank.” You said quietly. You turned away from me, and went through the door.
"W- wait" I whispered weakly. My head screamed as I watched the door snap shut. It was as if a giant knife had just severed whatever it was that held us together. I felt so weak just then, that I stood staring at the spot where you stood for more than ten minutes. I saw the note you’d written on a table and on top of it, your hotel key.
I tried Frank. The drink changed you too much. Do you even remember what it was like in the old-days? I can’t love you anymore – and I know you don’t love me.
Abby.
I clutched onto the note, tear-stained and crumpled. I stood, in my best forgive-me clothes, and my hair still wet holding onto the only thing that I had left of you; a note telling me that you couldn’t love me anymore. But the drunk I had turned into deserved everything it got.
End of Flashback
The equipment in the ambulance rattled on the uneven road. I opened my teary eyes. I saw you still lying there, once again so close to losing you. I can’t do it again; losing you both would kill me. I looked at the bump, knowing our child was there. Knowing it was a child that was conceived before the problems started and was a mark of how it could be between Abby and I. I grabbed your hand and held it tightly, believing that if I held on to your hand, I could hold on to your and our child’s lives.
Abby’s POV
I woke with lights shining in my eyes being wheeled down a hospital corridor. I glimpsed each light as it went past on the ceiling. Flash, flash, flash. Somebody was holding my hand. I looked across and saw Frank rushing along with the speed of the bed I was on, clutching onto my hand. I moved my other hand with difficulty, drips and catheters restricting my movement. I felt my stomach, baby was still there and I closed my eyes momentarily with relief. I squeezed Frank’s hand and he whipped his head around.
“Abby…honey, the baby’s coming early; you’re going to need a caesarean.” Frank looked into my eyes and told me it straight. “You’re going to be alright.” he paused and gave me a reassuring smile “Bump too…”
“But its too early, I’m only just gone seven months!” I panted, staring wide-eyed up at Frank. He squeezed my hand.
“Babies can be born prematurely so we’re gonna be alright, Abby” Frank paused, “There was a tiny complication so we need to get Bump out now, but she’ll be fine” He covered his mouth quickly, smiling sadly.
“What… it’s a girl?” I whispered feeling dazed. We hadn’t asked what it was at the checkups because neither of us could decide if we wanted a surprise or not.
“Yeah, the doctors just told me” He looked at me proudly, “Right, here we go” he said as the bed turned a sharp left.
A few minutes later, I was all set up and in the operating theatre. I was awake during the whole thing, and Frank was sat by my side. He kept glancing over the sheet the doctors had pinned up, to stop me from actually seeing the operation. Each time he did, his face paled a little and he turned back to stare at my face, reassuring me that it was going alright. I wasn’t totally sure if Frank would be able to tell if even it wasn’t going alright.
After what seemed like hours, I heard a childish gurgle. There was a lot of movement behind the curtain and Franks face lit up. The gurgle turned into a small cough, but there was no crying. Frank continued staring wide-eyed at our baby, as it was wrapped up and handed to him. I could see a few tears snaking down his cheeks and he lowered her down so I could see. Newborn, silent and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“She’s going to be a quiet one” one of the doctors told Frank, “Congratulations”
Frank laughed nervously and handed her to me. It was clear that she was premature, but she was healthy and that was all that mattered. Once I had been finished up, they took me into a ward and let me sleep. Frank sat watching and holding the baby for what must have been hours. She didn’t cry much, and liked to stare up at whoever was holding her with big glassy eyes. It was just me, Frank and baby until about 2:00 the next day when we got our first visitors.