Never Let This Go
A Life Long Wait For A Hospital Stay…
Abby’s POV
I chose her name yesterday, Anna. I’m not sure why… it just seemed to fit her well. Our visitors crowded round the cot, all crouched low over the cot near my bed. They laughed whenever she gurgled, and tickled her tummy lightly. Ray, Bob, and Gerard all stood around grinning at Frank and the baby. Mikey sat near me, talking quietly and drinking coffee. He’s particularly shy, and has only looked at Anna from a distance. Frank fought past my mum who seemed to have her head fixed permanently over Anna’s cot, and lifted her into his arms. He walked slowly over to Mikey, and passed her to him.
“Oh God… No, Frank; I’ll drop her-” he murmured, shaking his head. He sat terrified, staring at her for a few minutes. Suddenly his face broke into a smile. “I haven’t dropped her… She likes me.” He said smugly, rocking her gently backwards and forwards. Mikey then carefully passed her to Gerard, who took her confidently. He chatted away to her in a high pitched voice, making her wriggle. She then reached out for Ray’s fro, her little hand grabbing and clutching at it. Bob took her and passed her to my mum who fussed and bustled about, sending Anna to sleep.
They left an hour or two later, waving and telling us how pretty she was. Frank sat on the bed, his face full of pride. He kissed me on the forehead.
“Love you, Abby. Well done.” He said quietly. “Are you tired still?”
“I’m alright… I slept a few hours ago” I mumbled, yawning. Frank rolled his eyes. He plumped the pillows behind my head and pulled the sheets round, tucking them in.
“Have a bit more of a sleep… I’ll go and get some coffee” he stood up and made his way to the door, glancing at Anna on his way past.
I shifted in the bed, breathing deeply. I heard the door open again. A doctor stood in the doorway, with a grim look on her. I observed her curiously; she was carrying a clipboard of notes.
“Sorry to bother you madam, but I’ve got some rather bad news” she said sadly, walking into the room and sitting down at the end of the bed. “We carried out some blood tests a few weeks ago, and I’ve only just received the results…” She paused, looking into my eyes. I felt my stomach drop. “Your tests came back positive for cancer. You’ve got less than a year… I am so, so sorry.”
I felt numb. Like every part of my body had be switched off, except for my brain which was working so slowly. I tried to process the thought in my mind. I’m dying… I’ll never see Anna grow up. I’ll lose Frank, after I’ve only just got him back. I don’t want to die. I need to be a mother for Anna. I let out a small sob, bringing my shaking hands to my mouth. Less than a year… I won’t even make her first birthday. A single tear spills over and plummets onto my lap. The doctor silently turns and leaves.
I shuffle over to the edge of the bed, and pull Anna’s cot towards me. I reach in and grab her, cradling her to my chest. She stays asleep, her beautiful little face so innocent. I rock backwards and forwards, not crying but pointlessly shushing my sleeping baby. I’m strong for her. I’m stopping myself crying to save Anna and Frank from cancer.
“Hey, I thought I told you to sleep..!” I hear Franks voice from the doorway. I look round, and the smile slides off his face. “What’s the matter?” he gasps, sitting next to me.
“Nothing… just emotional, you know.” I lie. “I never knew having a baby makes you so sad!” I laughed awkwardly. Frank frowned at me, and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.
“Well, if you’re sure…” he said gazing at Anna and kissing me on the cheek. “Look at us… we’re a proper little family” he said, joking. At that, I hugged Anna and Frank a little tighter, and wished I would never be forced to let go.
I chose her name yesterday, Anna. I’m not sure why… it just seemed to fit her well. Our visitors crowded round the cot, all crouched low over the cot near my bed. They laughed whenever she gurgled, and tickled her tummy lightly. Ray, Bob, and Gerard all stood around grinning at Frank and the baby. Mikey sat near me, talking quietly and drinking coffee. He’s particularly shy, and has only looked at Anna from a distance. Frank fought past my mum who seemed to have her head fixed permanently over Anna’s cot, and lifted her into his arms. He walked slowly over to Mikey, and passed her to him.
“Oh God… No, Frank; I’ll drop her-” he murmured, shaking his head. He sat terrified, staring at her for a few minutes. Suddenly his face broke into a smile. “I haven’t dropped her… She likes me.” He said smugly, rocking her gently backwards and forwards. Mikey then carefully passed her to Gerard, who took her confidently. He chatted away to her in a high pitched voice, making her wriggle. She then reached out for Ray’s fro, her little hand grabbing and clutching at it. Bob took her and passed her to my mum who fussed and bustled about, sending Anna to sleep.
They left an hour or two later, waving and telling us how pretty she was. Frank sat on the bed, his face full of pride. He kissed me on the forehead.
“Love you, Abby. Well done.” He said quietly. “Are you tired still?”
“I’m alright… I slept a few hours ago” I mumbled, yawning. Frank rolled his eyes. He plumped the pillows behind my head and pulled the sheets round, tucking them in.
“Have a bit more of a sleep… I’ll go and get some coffee” he stood up and made his way to the door, glancing at Anna on his way past.
I shifted in the bed, breathing deeply. I heard the door open again. A doctor stood in the doorway, with a grim look on her. I observed her curiously; she was carrying a clipboard of notes.
“Sorry to bother you madam, but I’ve got some rather bad news” she said sadly, walking into the room and sitting down at the end of the bed. “We carried out some blood tests a few weeks ago, and I’ve only just received the results…” She paused, looking into my eyes. I felt my stomach drop. “Your tests came back positive for cancer. You’ve got less than a year… I am so, so sorry.”
I felt numb. Like every part of my body had be switched off, except for my brain which was working so slowly. I tried to process the thought in my mind. I’m dying… I’ll never see Anna grow up. I’ll lose Frank, after I’ve only just got him back. I don’t want to die. I need to be a mother for Anna. I let out a small sob, bringing my shaking hands to my mouth. Less than a year… I won’t even make her first birthday. A single tear spills over and plummets onto my lap. The doctor silently turns and leaves.
I shuffle over to the edge of the bed, and pull Anna’s cot towards me. I reach in and grab her, cradling her to my chest. She stays asleep, her beautiful little face so innocent. I rock backwards and forwards, not crying but pointlessly shushing my sleeping baby. I’m strong for her. I’m stopping myself crying to save Anna and Frank from cancer.
“Hey, I thought I told you to sleep..!” I hear Franks voice from the doorway. I look round, and the smile slides off his face. “What’s the matter?” he gasps, sitting next to me.
“Nothing… just emotional, you know.” I lie. “I never knew having a baby makes you so sad!” I laughed awkwardly. Frank frowned at me, and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.
“Well, if you’re sure…” he said gazing at Anna and kissing me on the cheek. “Look at us… we’re a proper little family” he said, joking. At that, I hugged Anna and Frank a little tighter, and wished I would never be forced to let go.