Never Let This Go
Without You Is How I Disappear...
Abby’s POV
I twisted the ring on my finger, the gems twinkling in the sunlight. I leant back on the bench watching Frank wandering around the park, cuddling Anna. Was it wrong that I told him I would marry him when I know what I do? Gerard was sat next to me, watching Frank. He held a video camera and was filming Frankie bouncing Anna up and down, making her squeal happily. I smiled at them both wistfully, giving them a little wave. Frankie grinned and took Anna’s little wrist, making her wave back.
“Gerard.” I muttered. I still watched Frank from across the park, and failed to take my eyes off them. Gerard turned slowly, snapping the viewfinder on the camera shut and smiling wanly at me. “Do you promise me to tell me the truth?” I said.
“Abby, of course… what the hell is wrong?” he slid closer to me on the bench, his expression no longer content. I continued reluctantly, my voice breaking.
“D’you promise to… whatever happens; look after Frankie and Anna for me?” I closed my eyes for a moment, bracing myself for the next sentence. “Please, just keep them safe when I’m gone.”
“W-what? Gone?” He stuttered in response. “Abby, what the fuck?” he was clearly imagining what I could be meaning. Was I going to leave them? Run off with another man? Was I going to commit suicide, and leave them forever? Any of those he could be thinking, and how wrong he was. “Just what are you thinking of doing, Abby?”
I couldn’t fix my eyes on him. So instead, I stared ahead. I gazed on the figures of the two people I loved more than anything in the world. At times I didn’t know it, but I have always loved them, and I will… right up to the second my life ends. But their world will continue; they will go on. I only wish is that they would be happy. I will miss my baby growing up, and I’ll miss growing old with my husband. But if I can die knowing in my heart that they’ll have a decent life, I will be happy. That is all I ask. “I’m not going be here in a year.” I laughed bitterly at my next words, “Apparently I have cancer.”
I watched my family through watery eyes, thankful that they were far enough away not to see me crying.
Flashback
I hitched up the dress, and stumbled around the corridor. My best friend looked equally uncomfortable in a dress, but she was trying to organise herself as best she could. I arranged the hem so I wouldn’t trip, and took a shaky breath. A stranger in a suit beckoned me to walk through the double doors on my right.
My face broke into a smile as soon as I began to shuffle down the aisle. I could see Frank in the distance, looking nervous but happy. I could just hear over the music a faint gurgle of Anna in Gerard’s arms. I saw all my family, a few friends, and most of Frank’s family all lined up and staring proudly at me. Shakily, I continued towards Frankie, as he turned and grinned excitedly towards me.
I met him a moment later at the altar, and I saw Anna over his shoulder. Gerard had her tucked in his arms, wrapped in tight hug on the first row of pews in the church. She was staring around at all the guests and giggling animatedly. I just couldn’t stop grinning; this was the one of the happiest days of my life. I looked right into his eyes, and recited those famous words that everybody remembers. I was lost in the moment.
“You may kiss the bride” the voice said to Frank as he leaned across and kissed me longingly. He put a single palm on my cheek and we rested our heads together, sharing happiness. The applauding forced us apart and we broke the kiss to take Anna off Gerard. All three of us walked as a family back down the aisle, and out onto the main front steps. Mikey waited there with a video camera, filming our every move. He captured each second, ready to be replayed; ready to relive the moment.
End Flashback
I didn’t say much on the walk home from the park; Frank was talking non-stop about Anna. I listened intently, imagining what it’d be like when I could no longer hear what Anna did, how she laughed and how she cried. I was making the most of these memories and these moments, understanding that they were rapidly running out.
That night I secretly watched our wedding footage again. I paused on the image of Frank, Anna and me standing outside the church. It all looked so idyllic, and I burned the image into my brain. I willed myself never to forget that moment, and never to let it go. I would carry on until the end, we would all be happy as a family together again. I would never lose that moment, I’d never forget.
I twisted the ring on my finger, the gems twinkling in the sunlight. I leant back on the bench watching Frank wandering around the park, cuddling Anna. Was it wrong that I told him I would marry him when I know what I do? Gerard was sat next to me, watching Frank. He held a video camera and was filming Frankie bouncing Anna up and down, making her squeal happily. I smiled at them both wistfully, giving them a little wave. Frankie grinned and took Anna’s little wrist, making her wave back.
“Gerard.” I muttered. I still watched Frank from across the park, and failed to take my eyes off them. Gerard turned slowly, snapping the viewfinder on the camera shut and smiling wanly at me. “Do you promise me to tell me the truth?” I said.
“Abby, of course… what the hell is wrong?” he slid closer to me on the bench, his expression no longer content. I continued reluctantly, my voice breaking.
“D’you promise to… whatever happens; look after Frankie and Anna for me?” I closed my eyes for a moment, bracing myself for the next sentence. “Please, just keep them safe when I’m gone.”
“W-what? Gone?” He stuttered in response. “Abby, what the fuck?” he was clearly imagining what I could be meaning. Was I going to leave them? Run off with another man? Was I going to commit suicide, and leave them forever? Any of those he could be thinking, and how wrong he was. “Just what are you thinking of doing, Abby?”
I couldn’t fix my eyes on him. So instead, I stared ahead. I gazed on the figures of the two people I loved more than anything in the world. At times I didn’t know it, but I have always loved them, and I will… right up to the second my life ends. But their world will continue; they will go on. I only wish is that they would be happy. I will miss my baby growing up, and I’ll miss growing old with my husband. But if I can die knowing in my heart that they’ll have a decent life, I will be happy. That is all I ask. “I’m not going be here in a year.” I laughed bitterly at my next words, “Apparently I have cancer.”
I watched my family through watery eyes, thankful that they were far enough away not to see me crying.
Flashback
I hitched up the dress, and stumbled around the corridor. My best friend looked equally uncomfortable in a dress, but she was trying to organise herself as best she could. I arranged the hem so I wouldn’t trip, and took a shaky breath. A stranger in a suit beckoned me to walk through the double doors on my right.
My face broke into a smile as soon as I began to shuffle down the aisle. I could see Frank in the distance, looking nervous but happy. I could just hear over the music a faint gurgle of Anna in Gerard’s arms. I saw all my family, a few friends, and most of Frank’s family all lined up and staring proudly at me. Shakily, I continued towards Frankie, as he turned and grinned excitedly towards me.
I met him a moment later at the altar, and I saw Anna over his shoulder. Gerard had her tucked in his arms, wrapped in tight hug on the first row of pews in the church. She was staring around at all the guests and giggling animatedly. I just couldn’t stop grinning; this was the one of the happiest days of my life. I looked right into his eyes, and recited those famous words that everybody remembers. I was lost in the moment.
“You may kiss the bride” the voice said to Frank as he leaned across and kissed me longingly. He put a single palm on my cheek and we rested our heads together, sharing happiness. The applauding forced us apart and we broke the kiss to take Anna off Gerard. All three of us walked as a family back down the aisle, and out onto the main front steps. Mikey waited there with a video camera, filming our every move. He captured each second, ready to be replayed; ready to relive the moment.
End Flashback
I didn’t say much on the walk home from the park; Frank was talking non-stop about Anna. I listened intently, imagining what it’d be like when I could no longer hear what Anna did, how she laughed and how she cried. I was making the most of these memories and these moments, understanding that they were rapidly running out.
That night I secretly watched our wedding footage again. I paused on the image of Frank, Anna and me standing outside the church. It all looked so idyllic, and I burned the image into my brain. I willed myself never to forget that moment, and never to let it go. I would carry on until the end, we would all be happy as a family together again. I would never lose that moment, I’d never forget.