The Walls Caved In

I had skipped out on a lot of things in my life. No, I didn't miss out on them because of my parents' work schedule or for any other reason along those lines. These chances were actually handed to me, wrapped nicely with a bow. I turned them down, though-one by one- every one.

In grade school, our class would always do odd things to make learning easier. Short, silly songs and dances that the whole class participated in. I sat out from most of them, feeling embarrassed despite that I wasn't alone- I was only alone in excluding myself. This was embarrassing in itself, as I sat in a plastic chair off to the side, my hair pulled away from my face so I could watch.

That's all I ever did. Watch and learn. By watching, I could see that the nonsense was fun. Not one of my classmates ever complained about the play they took part in, and they always walked away from the amusement with wide, toothy grins and their breath coming out quicker than usual. That didn't mean I ever joined in.

I wish I did. Join in, that is. I wish I had swallowed my young pride and insecurities and acted silly with everyone else. It would have been a good start, and probably would have prevented similar events following me to this: the summer before my senior year in high school.

I was older now. I had watched my whole life, just thinking and observing like there was no tomorrow. But there is a tomorrow- and I need to make the best of it. I have to. In one year I'm going to be away at college, and the world is going to be tougher and I will not have the cushion of being in the same town I've lived my entire life.

Which might explain why I finally took charge and threw myself out there, dialing Eric's number and just talking with him.

I could not pass up Eric's friendship, regardless that it was an exact replica of the other opportunities I had seen. Beautifully wrapped with my name printed on the tag.