Love is life and if you miss love, you miss life
Chapter 13
'We don't grow unless we take risks' James E. Burke
I flicked on the computer and clicked straight onto Director’s Myspace. It just seemed to be getting bigger and better. So far everyone seemed to have liked our demos and soon we may even be signed, it was so surreal. I scrolled down to the comments as we liked to keep in touch with our fans but the top the comments just amazed me.
‘This band sucks, the music is terrible. Sarah just sucks, I am sorry but it has to be said, no better than to say it to you.’
I was shocked as the next two comments were similar except all focusing on how much they hated me. I clicked onto the girl’s Myspace to be shown a Panic! at the Disco fanatic. And then I realised she hated me because I was with Brendon. I was so annoyed. In her pictures I was horrified to see a picture of Brendon and I. Underneath there were about twenty comments. About two were positive.
‘SHE’S UGLY WHY CAN’T HE GET A PRETTY GF THAT’S ALL I ASK!’
‘I literally want to CLAW HER EYES OUT!!!!!’
‘She’s only dating him for publicity…..I mean it’s obvious!’
I switched off the computer trying to not let it hurt me too much but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Director was being trashed just because some crazy fans are obsessed with Brendon. It hurt so much that I had half a mind to call up Brendon and give out to him even though it wasn’t his fault. I took out my journal, which I still kept, filling it with my stories, Director, Brendon. It helped to get your feeling down on paper. I wrote and drew for almost three hours until my heart ached a bit less.
Later that week I ended up deleting my whole myspace and all my other things I had been a part off on the internet so all I had left was Director’s myspace and I just hoped that that would be ok. It was getting harder and harder to be with Brendon even though him and I were fine together but it was the hectic schedules, the psycho teenies and the constant worry that he might just become out of my league.
The all-important gig was later that week so Director was getting in as much practise as possible. We had even had a few arguments through all the stress which shook us up a bit because we all usually got on so well together. By the night before everything was sorted and we were sounding great. We all wanted this so bad. I just wanted to make music and have people listen to my lyrics and actually understand them and maybe even make some sort of minute impact on their lives. I want a young girl like me when I was younger who felt alone, confused and who was a reject to turn on our music and feel like I felt when I bumped into Brendon that time on the beach. To just brighten up their day that one tiny bit. Music is so important to me and it is one of the few things that can turn your life around with the click of a button.
We were playing a bar in the town next to our own. It was the biggest venue so far excluding Battle of the Bands of course. We were all really nervous and as I waded through the packed venue I become even more nervous. I mean at Battle of the Bands the crowd was all ready pumped up, can we connect with all these people? If not, what will become of Director? I practically ran over to the bar and yelled for a drink. I downed it in one and took a deep breath.
‘Hey you look stressed,’ came a man’s voice. ‘Let me buy you a drink.’
I turned to face a pearly white set of teeth beaming down at me. The man’s face was tanned and, well, beautiful.
‘Ah…..ha…no thank you,’ I said.
‘Aww, please,’ he begged. ‘Just one drink?’
He put on a fake puppy dog act that made me laugh. I looked up at him. God, he was gorgeous. If I wasn’t with Brendon……I shook the thought away. It just would be interesting to kiss a different guy, I mean kissing the same guy your whole life get’s a bit….well….boring.
‘Well…’ I laughed.
I shook my head and grabbed my coat.
‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend,’ I said and walked away.
Soon we were being pushed on stage and we all strolled nervously to our instruments. The bar was so loud I could barely hear myself think. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the music producer patiently sitting by himself with a peach and lime daiquiri. Jules yelled down the microphone, introducing us. To our horror about two people seemed to have noticed us, everyone was still talking and laughing. The audience wasn’t even acknowledging us. I turned to Kyle, who shrugged nervously back at me. I lowered my head not quite believing what was happening. But then I had an idea. I pulled off my guitar and grabbed an acoustic one. I whispered to Jules my idea. At first she refused but she knew it was the only way. I motioned to Kyle and Darren to not play. I gently strummed a few chords.
Jules opened her mouth and sung, her delicate voice slowly piercing through the crowded bar. She sung a song she had written about her father, who had died when she was younger. Jules had sung it to me and no one else about a year ago. It had sent shivers throughout my body and reduced me to tears. I begged her to let Director play it but she had said she couldn’t possibly perform the song, it meant too much to her. However, she knew she had to sing it tonight.
Her voice was so sad yet passionate. Her face covered in emotions. Her pain being felt by everyone in the room. The room had become so quiet you could hear a penny drop and everyone was gazing open-mouthed at the stage. Even Kyle and Darren were dumbstruck as they had never heard this song. As Jules sung the last note it rippled throughout the room. The music producer was leaned forward in his chair. The whole room stood quiet for a few seconds taken in what they had just heard. Then they erupted into applause. I hugged Jules and ran back to my electric guitar. We didn’t waste anytime because we had the audience where we wanted them. Kyle jumped and yelled.
‘ONE, TWO….ONE,TWO,THREE,FOUR!!!’
The gig had been a major success. Afterwards I ran up to Jules and hugged.
‘Oh Jules, that was amazing,’ I yelled. ‘Look, I’m sorry for putting you on the spot, it was all I could think of.’
‘No, I love you for it,’ laughed Jules.
‘Really?’ I asked bewildered. I had thought she would have been annoyed at me for making her perform her precious song.
‘Singing that song….it’s like I’ve finally accepted it. I’ve held all this grief in for so long but now it feels like a burden is lifted off my shoulders.’
She laughed and hugged me. She whispered in my ear.
‘Thank you.’
Note from Author: The comments I used above, I took from actual comments written underneath pictures of Ryan Ross’s and Brendon Urie’s girlfriends. It really disgusted me that fans did this. If they were true fans they would leave the boys and their girlfriends alone and just enjoy the music. After all, that’s what they are there for.
I flicked on the computer and clicked straight onto Director’s Myspace. It just seemed to be getting bigger and better. So far everyone seemed to have liked our demos and soon we may even be signed, it was so surreal. I scrolled down to the comments as we liked to keep in touch with our fans but the top the comments just amazed me.
‘This band sucks, the music is terrible. Sarah just sucks, I am sorry but it has to be said, no better than to say it to you.’
I was shocked as the next two comments were similar except all focusing on how much they hated me. I clicked onto the girl’s Myspace to be shown a Panic! at the Disco fanatic. And then I realised she hated me because I was with Brendon. I was so annoyed. In her pictures I was horrified to see a picture of Brendon and I. Underneath there were about twenty comments. About two were positive.
‘SHE’S UGLY WHY CAN’T HE GET A PRETTY GF THAT’S ALL I ASK!’
‘I literally want to CLAW HER EYES OUT!!!!!’
‘She’s only dating him for publicity…..I mean it’s obvious!’
I switched off the computer trying to not let it hurt me too much but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Director was being trashed just because some crazy fans are obsessed with Brendon. It hurt so much that I had half a mind to call up Brendon and give out to him even though it wasn’t his fault. I took out my journal, which I still kept, filling it with my stories, Director, Brendon. It helped to get your feeling down on paper. I wrote and drew for almost three hours until my heart ached a bit less.
Later that week I ended up deleting my whole myspace and all my other things I had been a part off on the internet so all I had left was Director’s myspace and I just hoped that that would be ok. It was getting harder and harder to be with Brendon even though him and I were fine together but it was the hectic schedules, the psycho teenies and the constant worry that he might just become out of my league.
The all-important gig was later that week so Director was getting in as much practise as possible. We had even had a few arguments through all the stress which shook us up a bit because we all usually got on so well together. By the night before everything was sorted and we were sounding great. We all wanted this so bad. I just wanted to make music and have people listen to my lyrics and actually understand them and maybe even make some sort of minute impact on their lives. I want a young girl like me when I was younger who felt alone, confused and who was a reject to turn on our music and feel like I felt when I bumped into Brendon that time on the beach. To just brighten up their day that one tiny bit. Music is so important to me and it is one of the few things that can turn your life around with the click of a button.
We were playing a bar in the town next to our own. It was the biggest venue so far excluding Battle of the Bands of course. We were all really nervous and as I waded through the packed venue I become even more nervous. I mean at Battle of the Bands the crowd was all ready pumped up, can we connect with all these people? If not, what will become of Director? I practically ran over to the bar and yelled for a drink. I downed it in one and took a deep breath.
‘Hey you look stressed,’ came a man’s voice. ‘Let me buy you a drink.’
I turned to face a pearly white set of teeth beaming down at me. The man’s face was tanned and, well, beautiful.
‘Ah…..ha…no thank you,’ I said.
‘Aww, please,’ he begged. ‘Just one drink?’
He put on a fake puppy dog act that made me laugh. I looked up at him. God, he was gorgeous. If I wasn’t with Brendon……I shook the thought away. It just would be interesting to kiss a different guy, I mean kissing the same guy your whole life get’s a bit….well….boring.
‘Well…’ I laughed.
I shook my head and grabbed my coat.
‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend,’ I said and walked away.
Soon we were being pushed on stage and we all strolled nervously to our instruments. The bar was so loud I could barely hear myself think. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the music producer patiently sitting by himself with a peach and lime daiquiri. Jules yelled down the microphone, introducing us. To our horror about two people seemed to have noticed us, everyone was still talking and laughing. The audience wasn’t even acknowledging us. I turned to Kyle, who shrugged nervously back at me. I lowered my head not quite believing what was happening. But then I had an idea. I pulled off my guitar and grabbed an acoustic one. I whispered to Jules my idea. At first she refused but she knew it was the only way. I motioned to Kyle and Darren to not play. I gently strummed a few chords.
Jules opened her mouth and sung, her delicate voice slowly piercing through the crowded bar. She sung a song she had written about her father, who had died when she was younger. Jules had sung it to me and no one else about a year ago. It had sent shivers throughout my body and reduced me to tears. I begged her to let Director play it but she had said she couldn’t possibly perform the song, it meant too much to her. However, she knew she had to sing it tonight.
Her voice was so sad yet passionate. Her face covered in emotions. Her pain being felt by everyone in the room. The room had become so quiet you could hear a penny drop and everyone was gazing open-mouthed at the stage. Even Kyle and Darren were dumbstruck as they had never heard this song. As Jules sung the last note it rippled throughout the room. The music producer was leaned forward in his chair. The whole room stood quiet for a few seconds taken in what they had just heard. Then they erupted into applause. I hugged Jules and ran back to my electric guitar. We didn’t waste anytime because we had the audience where we wanted them. Kyle jumped and yelled.
‘ONE, TWO….ONE,TWO,THREE,FOUR!!!’
The gig had been a major success. Afterwards I ran up to Jules and hugged.
‘Oh Jules, that was amazing,’ I yelled. ‘Look, I’m sorry for putting you on the spot, it was all I could think of.’
‘No, I love you for it,’ laughed Jules.
‘Really?’ I asked bewildered. I had thought she would have been annoyed at me for making her perform her precious song.
‘Singing that song….it’s like I’ve finally accepted it. I’ve held all this grief in for so long but now it feels like a burden is lifted off my shoulders.’
She laughed and hugged me. She whispered in my ear.
‘Thank you.’
Note from Author: The comments I used above, I took from actual comments written underneath pictures of Ryan Ross’s and Brendon Urie’s girlfriends. It really disgusted me that fans did this. If they were true fans they would leave the boys and their girlfriends alone and just enjoy the music. After all, that’s what they are there for.